


The Knight's (L)Oath(ing)

by Suzaku_Knight_of_One



Series: The Knight's (L)Oath(ing) [1]
Category: Code Geass
Genre: Affairs, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cécile pleasures Suzaku while she secretly loves him, F/M, Harem, Lord/Knight RS, Lulu secretly loves Suzaku, M/M, One-Sided Love, Powerplay, Smut, Suicide Attempts, Suzaku doesn't have the ability to love anyone, a lot of suffering, emotional and physical abuse, friendship+
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:01:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 58,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24724240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Suzaku_Knight_of_One/pseuds/Suzaku_Knight_of_One
Summary: After a failed hero-death attempt, Suzaku, as the Knight of Seven, hires a former school friend as his personal knight. He is advised to improve his psychological well-being through a system-compliant Lord-Knight relationship. When both of them have an affair, this arouses feelings in him he doesn't want to feel. For it is sin - his desire for control and obedience. His past has left its mark on him and changed him.After his love Euphemia dies, he becomes obsessed with convicting Lelouch of being Zero, with whom he had spent the night before his unmasking. Traumatized by his former best friend's breach of trust, his morals are forgotten every now and then...
Relationships: Cecile Croomy/Kururugi Suzaku, Kururugi Suzaku/Lelouch Lamperouge | Lelouch vi Britannia, Kururugi Suzaku/Original Character(s)
Series: The Knight's (L)Oath(ing) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2007979
Comments: 40
Kudos: 8





	1. How it started

**Author's Note:**

> **Contains smut in (nearly) every chapter. BUT: Porn WITH plot! (sexual fast-burn, emotional slow burn!)**  
>  Genre: Drama  
> Follows Suzaku's struggles of his life after he becomes the Knight of Seven. Contains flashbacks that describe his past (mostly sexual) relationships. Alternative Timeline.  
> #Friends with benefits #powerplay #affairs #one-sided love (mostly)
> 
>   
> **Pairings:**  
>  Suzaku x fem. OC (his personal knight) (main)  
> Suzaku x Cécile  
> Suzaku x Lelouch (in later chapters)  
> [Past SuzaxEuphy]
> 
> Flashbacks are written in italic  
> Planned length: 100K + words (to focus on the different relationships the characters have/will develop regarding (now mental-broken XD) Suzaku  
> I will warn before each chapter if it's going to contain triggers, like smut, abuse and so on.  
> Because of Suzaku's mental instability, things can turn out dark.
> 
> Edit: I have decided to translate this fic into english.  
> The summary was translated by my german betareader Jam! Thank you for your awesome support!
> 
> Its original version you can find here:  
> https://www.animexx.de/fanfiction/autor/321474/392718/

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **As Knight of Seven, Suzaku employed two personal knights. When he fired one of them after the battle, Cécile wants to understand the reason.**  
>  He receives a recommendation against the deterioration of his mental state.   
> When he looks through the applications for the vacancy as his personal knight, he notices her. A knight who will fulfill her lord's wishes ... 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the prologue.

## How it started

It has been three days since the battle against the Euro-Britannian troops that Suzaku fought with his personal knights, Schnee and Ledo. Despite the victory, however, the mood is depressed. Suzaku is sitting at the desk in his office when Cécile enters the room. He then raises his head and looks at her seriously, knowing that she had come to reproach him.

"Suzaku! I met Schnee in the hallway today ... he was pretty destroyed by your decision. Why did you do that, why did you fire him - your faithful knight and friend ?! ”  
Cécile sounds angry and worried at the same time about the mental well-being of her lord.  
Suzaku closes and opens his eyes briefly, then sighs before speaking:  
“Cécile, you know what he did. He disobeyed my command. "  
Her concern about him is now mixed with anger,  
" But only to save you! If he had done nothing but watch, then you - his lord - would no longer be alive! ”

"He could have died in the process," he replies coldly.  
"But he hadn't! Why don't you just rejoice that everything went well, despite the seemingly hopeless situation ?!” Cécile cannot understand Suzaku's argument, because it was his action that was risky. He took on alone against a large number of opponents. The likelihood of a win without support would have been slim for his circumstances. Sometimes his decisions were really questionable for Cecile.

"A knight has to follow his lord's orders." Suzaku is convinced of his decision, which was not debatable for him.  
"Would you rather have died ?!" Cécile reacts in horror at his lack of understanding.  
But immediately after she said this, she noticed that he could really be interested in and added with shock,

"... You were not primarily concerned because of the life of Schnee ... you were concerned because of yours .. ... you ... wanted to die ... "

Suzaku then lowers his now desperate look.  
"If my death is necessary to save lives, then it should be so."

Cecile cannot believe what her young lord has just confirmed.  
He was not angry with his personal knight for refusing to give orders. Or because Schnee had jeopardized his own life. He was angry because he was not happy with the outcome of the battle as he hoped the situation would allow him to give his life to a good cause. He would have liked to have died as a hero on this occasion.

Cécile then also lowers her gaze, which changes into a sad one. She knew, of course, that he was taking medication to maintain his psychological wellbeing, but that it could still be that worse ...  
"That's why ... you fired him ..." she murmurs, reflecting on the events.

There is a short silence until Suzaku looks back at her and says in a monotone voice:  
"If that's all, I ask you to leave my office now."  
When she looks at him desperately and then turns around thoughtfully, at his request she asks him:  
"Was there a recommendation from your psychologist regarding the applications for the vacant position as your second personal knight?"

She is still depressed that Schnee has now left the team and is curious and worried at the same time which decision Suzaku will make next. And above all, whether he would make it just by himself. Cécile only wants the best for him and since he obviously doesn't know what that is, she hopes that he will at least take the advice of a specialist.

He remembers what his psychologist had recommended to him. However, he found the idea questionable. Not because of effectiveness, but because of moral values. Sure, it might have been so common in this Britannian system, but that wasn't because he was authorized to take advantage of it because of his position and as part of the system.

Cécile realizes that he is thoughtful and that he must have talked to his psychologist about it. "... Suzaku ...?" She asks hesitantly.  
"I ... had a session with her about it, yes. Cécile ... please don't worry about me, ”he says desperately and a little ashamed.  
His answer was reassuring. Even if he did not necessarily see the need to ask someone for advice and to accept this advice, he would still do so. She recognized that from the despair he had now reached. He didn't know how to help himself anymore.  
"Okay. See you tomorrow, ”she says goodbye.

When she left the office, Suzaku turned to the applications again. He glances through them and suddenly comes across one that arouses his interest. It was a girl his age. Estelle Ashford, Milly Ashford's cousin, attended Ashford Academy with him until six months ago. 

They were in the same class and their first meeting had not been pleasant for Suzaku. He had no friends at the time, he was Japanese and therefore suspect to most students. He was used to the behavior and had ignored it. But she had actively let him feel that he was not wanted there. 

When he came to the class, he met his once best friend, Lelouch, who then became his roommate at Ashford Academy. Lelouch couldn't look away how he endured Estelle's bullying attacks and intervened using his Geass. He ordered her to do something good instead every time she tried to harm Suzaku.

But that went horribly wrong, when she suddenly kissed Suzaku in the break in front of his locker. She didn't know what and why she had done it and felt deeply ashamed to have kissed an Eleven in front of the class. Suzaku was surprised by this action and had no plausible explanation of what was going on in her head.   
Was she trying to annoy him? In the end, she probably only harmed herself because she made her just a target of the other racist students. 

She had confronted him when she met him alone. However, the meeting caused another kiss due to the Geass.  
Then she wanted to discover it. She thought that maybe Elevens had a gift, or a sinister secret. To find out, she decided to actually befriend Suzaku.  
Lelouch didn't like the way she treated him and kept preventing them from being alone together in one room. Estelle had to keep the meetings with Suzaku secret from her parents, so they couldn't choose her home to meet. They weren't just school friends, they also had an affair. How it went this far was rather absurd ...

_Suzaku was lying in bed thinking about the nice day on the beach with his new friends from the student council. Shirley and Kallen really adored his roommate. Lelouch was generally popular with the girls at the academy, but it was not surprising. At the thought he turned his head towards the bed where Lelouch was already sleeping and smiled gently. He hadn't had that much fun in ages. Or ... never even when he thought about it. Which was also a bit sad, but he hadn't had any friends otherwise._

_Anyway, when he had watched the three from afar today, Estelle came up to him. She wore a magenta bikini that matched her hair color and asked him to put sunscreen on her. She grinned confidently as he rubbed her back in at once. She was already a very confident girl who obviously knew what she wanted. The way she presented her body to him was to embarrass him. However, Suzaku had been too stupid not to notice. Not even when she took his hands and suddenly placed them on her breasts under her bikini top and asked him to apply it there, too._

_She had a malicious grin on her face and was sure she could trigger something in him that embarrassed him. If she could no longer humiliate him publicly, since she was supposed to be a friend, then she was taking advantage of the advantages of annoying him as part of her friendship. But she was surprised at how Suzaku reacted to it. Instead of blushing, he began to apply the sun cream, as she requested, as if there was nothing abnormal about it. Of course that bothered Estelle that it didn't bother him at all._

_When he was done, however, she held his hands to stay at her breasts. She asked him to go ahead and massage her. Then he blushed a little for the first time."_

_Does ... that feel good ...?" He asked as he massaged her._

_Estelle didn't know whether she should grin successfully or wonder if he was just silly.  
"Well, my dear Suzaku, that's not really a question **I** should answer!" She grinned. Suzaku suddenly understood what he had been doing here and pulled his hands away from her breasts just in time before Lelouch and the others came in his direction._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_So she wanted to be massaged by him. Or ... had that been an allusion to something she actually wanted from him? Starting with the sudden kiss in front of the whole school and now that. If he tried to relate the signs she'd given him in the past few weeks, it would actually amount to one thing ... But why did she ask not just him instead? Was she afraid of being rejected by an Eleven? Or had she developed feelings for him? The thought made his heart warm. But they were friends now, she should be able to talk to him about it. He wanted to know what that meant._

_The next day after school, Suzaku took the chance to talk to Estelle when they were alone in the classroom. "Estelle ... I would like to ask you something," he said when she turned to him questioningly.  
"Sure, what's on your mind?" She had her typical grin on her face. He looked at her for a moment and then asked, as matter-of-factly as possible._

_"Do you want to sleep with me?"_

_Estelle was shocked and amused at the same time by this question. She really hadn't expected that from him. Then she had to laugh:  
"Are you asking every girl so directly? Are you successful with that? ”  
Then Suzaku's face went red like she had never seen him before.  
He replied frantically and ashamed: "That was not what I meant! I ... just wanted to ... know how to interpret your actions! "_

_Wow, she had never met anyone like that before. In fact, he had only wanted to know that factually, without indirectly asking her to sleep with her. She liked seeing him so embarrassed. And that was not even her credit, he had brought himself into this situation on his own. She now knew how she would react to make the situation worse for him. A nasty grin graced her lips._

_"So ... then I suppose that means you don't want to sleep with me?"_

_Suzaku blushes again and curses himself for having asked such an intimate question so vaguely.  
"I did not say that! - I mean no! - Well, maybe! ... do ... do you want to?! "_

_Estelle had to shake her head inside, either, he was really stupid or just brilliant. But the bad thing about it was, when she thought back to the kisses and the breast massage, that she really wanted to jump on it and try it out with an Eleven. After all, she hadn't yet solved his secret of what he did to her so that she kissed him when she didn't really want to._

_She started grinning at the thought and then said confidently,  
"Your hands and tongue tell me it would be a loss to haven't tried it out with an Eleven!"_

_He then smiled, his blush was gone and he was relieved. Then he asked,  
“Is Thursday okay for you? Lelouch has his chess club then and we would be undisturbed! "  
" Thursday is great. Be prepared! ”She winked at him as she left the room._

A year had passed since then. They had never been more than friends who sometimes slept together without any commitment. The fact that she didn't seem to have any romantic feelings for him at that time didn't bother him, even if he briefly imagined how nice it would be to have a real girlfriend. However, there were advantages to having fewer commitments.

He was working in the military alongside school at the time, so when he died, at least he left no one to mourn for him.  
In addition ... he had an affair with Cécile, which started happening spontaneously and unexpectedly after a successful combat mission. And let's not forget the sexual experiences that happened between him and Lelouch, because of their deep friendship they have had. But, though about it, he wanted to forget it because of painful memories. 

When Euphemia came to school, Suzaku became her knight and she confessed her love to him. He was really happy for the first time in his life. Life made sense to him again. She became his girlfriend and together they wanted to open the SAZ. But as beautiful as it was, it ended bitterly when she was shot by Zero. Suzaku was deeply shaken on the night of her death and when he came home to Lelouch with blood-soaked clothes, Lelouch was immediately shocked and saddened by what had happened.

Back then, Suzaku didn't know that his best friend was behind the Mask of Zero. It happened that they comforted each other and slept with each other. The next day, the rest of Suzaku's hopes were shattered. He exposed Lelouch as Zero and thus as the killer of Euphemia. His former best friend killed his former, great love and at the same time took Suzaku's hopes and dreams for a free Japan by the beginning of the establishment of the SAZ. Since then he has felt nothing more than despair and a great emptiness in his heart. His hatred of Lelouch and the pain of being cheated out of the worst by his best friend was deep.

He eventually became the Knight of Seven and, among other things, got two personal knights under his command. Both were his age, one was a Japanese named Ledo, while Schnee was Britannian. Suzaku's goal was still to liberate his country. And although Lelouch was no longer Zero, he couldn't mentally finish with that either. 

What if he got his memories back and went back to become Zero again?   
What if it had already happened and he was planning his revenge? 

Suzaku knew the bad mental state he was in.  
He still had the application documents from Estelle in his hand. They hadn't seen each other since he quit school after Euphy's unexpected death to take up his post in the Britannian capital as Knight of Seven. He hadn't even said goodbye to her

He didn't expect her to take up an army career. After all, her parents were more the types who married their daughters to wealthy men by name and status.  
Also, why was she applying for this position?  
Had she waited until a job offer at Suzaku's Service was made and only decided for a military career because of him? Did she really want to have him around again? As her lord?

He actually liked the idea of having her as his personal knight.   
They already knew each other - and also physically, which was definitely a plus for him. He was eventually recommended to have a Lord-Knight relationship. In fact, he was always against this kind of Britannian customs. It was an unwritten law that the knight had to obey his lord in every way, not only purely professional aspects, but also to satisfy the lord's sexual desire. 

The latter not only strengthened the bond and mutual trust, but also impaired the mental performance of the Lord and thus in turn the professional achievements and decisions. Despite this, it was a respected profession to serve as a knight to a lord. Every personal knight had to have a high social status to be recognized as such. With her as a knight, because of their shared past, he wouldn't see a big problem in having such a relationship. Apparently she wanted to work for him, otherwise she wouldn't have applied. 

He smiles as he puts the paper on his desk and throws the rest of the applications into the trash next to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it wasn't made clear:  
> Suzaku didn't betray Euphy. His affair with his former schoolfriend was before they met.  
> And he only loved Euphy romantically.
> 
> All to Lelouch's disadvantage, because he had a crush on Suzaku, his best friend.  
> His kind of relationship with Lelouch is potrayed in later chapters.


	2. Darkest desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Suzaku gets his new knight into his service. When they sleep with each other, positive feelings are awakened in him. Power and control just feel good.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love horny (and mentally damaged) Suzaku XD The sad, mental-tortured boy isn't able to feel something good anymore.  
> Instead of healing, first it's getting worse. How can he overcome his mental-issues?
> 
> The answer isn't being in such a relationship with his personal knight.  
> Contains smut. (Slightly) mental abuse. Long chapter (6.4k words).

## Darkest desire

It is late afternoon when Suzaku and Ledo, both in their respective service uniforms, stand in front of the large desk in Suzaku's office, waiting for their future team member to arrive. The door opens and a magenta-haired woman in uniform with an asymmetrical blue cloak over her right shoulder enters the room. Her eyes widen when she spots her lord standing across the room. She hadn't met Suzaku in real for a long time. He wore the same clothes with the elegant blue cloak that she knew from the television news.

Suzaku has a neutral look, which keeps the atmosphere at a purely professional level, his other knight at his side does the same. Estelle is amazed and a little intimidated at the same time. She hoped Suzaku would greet her with open arms when he saw her again, but she was wrong about that. He may not want someone of the palace people to know that they already knew each other from school and that's probably why he seems that distant. From now on she should be his personal knight.

Suddenly she realizes that he is looking directly at her and is waiting for her introduction.  
Then she humbly bows. When she returns to a straight position, she lowers her head slightly, closes her eyes and moves her right arm into a fist over her chest as she raises her voice,

“My name is Estelle Ashford. I am honored to be your personal knight, Lord Kururugi. I have sworn my allegiance to you and I am ready to do everything I am capable of for my Lord in order to serve you as best as possible and to satisfy your expectations. "

Suzaku is a little amazed at how she seems to have changed. She had chosen a military career when he went to Pendragon. In order to do this, she had to bow to the system, which is why he would never have expected her to make this decision. She had always been the rebel type, he had had to feel that himself.

"I am pleased that you applied for the job as my knight, Estelle," Suzaku said.  
His eyes were on Ledo when he continues: “This is Ledo. Also a personal knight of mine.”  
“I am very pleased to work with you, Estelle!” Ledo greets her by taking a short bow.  
Estelle nods and smiles.

“I give you the rosters once a week. If something occurs at short notice or unexpectedly, you will be informed by me as soon as possible. Ledo has been working for me for half a year. He will instruct you on many things.  
General combat and fitness training takes place once a week. This also includes all other subordinates. The next appointment will take place tomorrow. Estelle, I'm going to take a close look at your skills.”

Estelle listens to him attentively and replies, “Yes, my Lord. I won't disappoint you.”

Suzaku flickers a smile over his previously serious face.  
He then turns to Ledo, "Ledo, please leave us alone for a moment."  
"Yes, my Lord!", He answers with a humble posture before he immediately disappears from the room. So Estelle is now left alone in front of Suzaku, curious how he would react to her appearance, now that they have had the opportunity to speak privately.

"Estelle ... did you ... choose a military career because of me?"  
"Suzaku …," she murmurs, staring at him. Then she runs towards him to hug him and drop all the formalities.

"Suzaku! Finally!” She calls out with excessive joy.  
That should probably mean "yes".

Suzaku is astonished by the sudden action, but does not return the hug and instead gently presses her away. When he makes her recognizable with a rejecting posture that he doesn't want to be hugged, his gaze is emotionless. 

Estelle looks at him, shocked and saddened by the rejection. She takes a few steps back and her expression quickly changes back to a rigid, formal one as soon as she faces him again with enough space between them. Suzaku also wants to keep his facade facing her. She expected him to have changed since Euphemia's death. But she would never have thought that he would suddenly shut himself up to her that way. After all, they were friends, weren't they?

“When you left Japan from one day to the next, your actions left me with some questions. I was hoping to talk to you personally about it. However, you never came back. And since you took office as Knight of Seven ... I spotted the chance to see you again ... ," she speaks with a matter-of-fact voice. She doesn't want to show what she really feels for him.

"I'm sorry, Estelle. But for me nothing is what it used to be,” he replies seriously. She feels that suddenly an inner anger is kindled in him when she has asked him about the past.  
“After the catastrophe with SAZ happened and Euphy was murdered by Zero, I decided to continue with the task of liberating Japan one day to end what Euphy started.  
My goal is to become the Knight of One so that I can have the indirect reign over Japan,” he explains with great determination.

"I see ... so that's the way you chose …," Estelle says thoughtfully, her view lowered.

Suzaku had always been an idealist since she knew him. He worked for the military - according to his own account – to prevent people from being killed, not to increase the kill-ratio as usual when working for the military. His statements were often contradictory. Estelle knew about the murder of his father and that he blamed himself for the surrender of Japan. Since he became the Knight of Seven, he'd only made himself more unpopular as he was before then. He was hated by the Britannian because he, an Eleven, who was also the son of the late Japanese Prime Minister, was awarded a Lord title. He was hated by the Japanese because he worked for the Britannian military and was therefore considered a traitor.

Estelle herself hadn't been better. She was Britannian and had hated him just as much; before she got to know him and ultimately had more and more in her heart. However, he was also hated by the enemy because he was feared and was considered the "White Reaper". A title given to him after he single-handedly took it against hundreds; of which not many were left.  
Suzaku's high moral values often did not match his actions and one could therefore call him a hypocrite.

Personally, however, Estelle had only known a completely different side of Suzaku. Or at least she thought she knew it. Back then you could have a lot of fun with him. He had been really happy to find real friends for the first time. He was also courteous, hold back his own wishes, and if he wasn't a fan of violence, he would fight for a friend if necessary.

"From now on, Estelle ... you will be by my side as my personal knight. And support me with Ledo in my project. "

Suzaku then requests Ledo by radio to accompany Estelle to her apartment, where she would live from now on. Like Ledo and Suzaku, she has her place in the palace. Ledo picks her up immediately and walks through the majestic corridors of the historic building.

"Thank you for the escort, Ledo. Tell me ... what is it like working for Suza- ehh - Lord Kururugi?” It is difficult for her to name Suzaku with his title from now on, she probably had to get used to that.

Ledo's expression warms up and a smile decorates his lips as he says:  
“I am very happy to have been divided. He's been a good lord to me so far. Even if some of his actions may seem questionable ... “  
Estelle then becomes curious. "So?"

"He has ... saved my life twice. And put his own at risk,” he explains.

"Then he is something of a hero for you?" She now wants to know.  
A shimmer of red spreads across Ledo's cheeks while his gaze is still directed forward so that Estelle cannot see his face as she walks behind him.

"Uhm ... yes, he has become my idol. He has amazing courage, fighting skills and would sacrifice himself for his comrades”, he says.  
That sounds more like the Suzaku that Estelle knew. She is certain that there is more of it than she was given the impression today.

They stop in front of a large door at the end of the hall.  
"Here we are. Your living area is of course already fully equipped. The key is your fingerprint or that of your lord”, Ledo explains and is just about to wish her a nice evening when Estelle stops him, confused by his last words.

"Wait, Ledo!" He turns around questioningly. "Does that mean ... my lord has the right to access my apartment at any time ?!" Estelle is horrified.

"Well ... he is your lord and since you swore allegiance to him as his knight, that shouldn't be a problem", Ledo wants to tick off.  
"I ... just thought it is more about than a question of loyalty. It's about trust”, she says thoughtfully and then adds murmuring, “Not about control ... ”

Estelle isn't enthusiastic at all about this concept. After all she has no access rights to her lord's chambers. At least she knew Suzaku and knew he would never take advantage of it, violating her privacy. Regarding some other lords she wasn't that sure. What she thought she knew about the unwritten laws between lord and knight at the time, however, was only a fraction of what was actually believed to exist.

She has already changed in her lace night dress when there is an unexpected knock on the front door.  
Wondering who that might be, she carefully opens the door. She never knew, if her unexpected visitor was a pervert. She peers through a crack and immediately opens the door in astonishment.

There, in front of her, is Suzaku in his lord uniform; but without the blue cape.  
She did know that Suzaku would not use his right of access to her room.

"Suzaku! ... Is there ... a concern for your appearance?” A blush decorates her cheeks when she realizes that he is scrutinizing her. Sure, he has seen her with less than a lace dress ... but something in the atmosphere is completely different in this situation. And somehow it has to do with the fact that he is her lord.

He looks her in the eyes with desire and suddenly puts a hand on her cheek as he leans down a bit towards her.  
"Estelle ... I ...", there is a touch of eroticism in his voice and Estelle is surprised by the change in his emotions, in contrast for how she experienced him earlier today.

"I ... missed you …," he whispers cravingly from behind in her ear after he has turned her around and holds her by the upper arm to gently force her into her apartment.

"Suzaku …," she murmurs, surprised by his sudden desire for her and dreamy at the same time. Happy about her knowing what he's going to do with her. If her lord wanted his knight, he should get her, after all she also longed for the past.

Her body is now exactly what he is craving for. In order to serve as a distraction from everything that affects him mentally. He wants to get rid of his thoughts. He needs her, his knight. For him, it is the therapy that can help him to improve his mental well-being. Since her body also craves for his, to his relief he doesn't have to use his authority as her lord, which allowed him to command her to do as he wishes. After all, he isn't like the average of the lords who use this system only for their own advantage. Of course, he is aware that their knights knew about the possible wishes of their lord before taking office and it is done by mutual agreement.

It is something of a social custom - an unwritten law - that a lord sleeps with his knight when his lord desires it. Nevertheless, he cannot imagine himself suddenly asking a stranger with a clear conscience, after all it would be assumed that she only compulsorily fulfilled his sexual desires. He would not commit this sin.

When he arrives in the bedroom, he presses Estelle onto the large four-poster bed. She is now sitting on the edge of the bed while he stands in front of her and starts unbuttoning his uniform. She watches him excitedly and a fire ignites inside her. She didn't expect it to happen after today. That Suzaku wanted to sleep with her. Her lord gave her the impression today that in the future they would disregard their common past in order to concentrate solely on the professional. And now he is looking for her to continue where they left off a year ago. But then why using a facade at all? Why didn't he hug her when he also longed for the old times they shared...

Suzaku has now stripped down to his boxer shorts and, with a grin, she admires the sight of his muscular upper body as he throws her back and positions over her.  
He kisses her on the neck, whereupon her breath becomes harder. At the same time, one hand wanders under her night dress while he supports himself up with the other. He starts massaging her bare chest underneath and continues to suck on her neck to suppress a moan.

Estelle enjoys the touch of his hand and tongue. She also missed sleeping with him. Without flaring long, Suzaku wants to free her of the fabric that covers her and pulls the dress over her head. She supports him by straightening something up with her back. He now sees her naked torso under him and slides back a little with his head to be at chest level with it. He bows his head and sucks her nipple.

This elicits pleasure noises and when he puts a hand between her legs on the fabric of her panties to stroke her, he hears his name come over her lips and the indirect request to finally give her what her body is eagerly asking for. He then removes his hand and when he kisses her further up the breasts, he touches her most intimate spot with the fabric of his bulging pants. He lets her feel how excited he already is.

Only the fabric that they were both wearing prevented from penetrating. Estelle automatically clings the legs around his waist as he moves them to create more friction. He observes the reaction of his knight with a lust-grin. She opens her eyes a little and realizes how pleased he is to hold Estelle up. However, he has to restrain himself very much, he would have loved to have torn off her clothes already when he first saw her at the front door.

Finally it becomes too painful for him and he finally wants to give in to his desire. After pulling the piece of cloth over her legs, he frees himself from his pants. He briefly lets go of her to straighten up while reaching for the drawer of the bedside table with one hand to get a condom.

Estelle watches every single move of him impatiently. He sits straighten up on his thighs between her legs, one hand holding her leg on his hip, the other with the condom wrapper between his teeth to elegantly and skillfully pull it open and then bring it to its intended place. The whole action is extremely pleasing to Estelle. Not only does she have a perfect view of his trained upper body between her legs, but what he does there is extremely sexy to look at.

He looks at her from his still sitting position if she is ready, too. She understands his look and then smiles, lying comfortably on the bed. He immediately grabs her thighs with both arms to bring her hips up to the correct height and then thrusts in her. Both have to moan loudly when he fills her immediately with his whole lenght. At first, Estelle felt slight pain, because she did not expect it to feel so unusual again.

Suzaku needs to focus on holding back from immediately fucking her wildly. Instead, he starts to move in her with gentle thrusts. It also feels good for Estelle now. When he suddenly leans over her, supporting his arms to the left and right of her face, he moves in a faster rhythm and Estelle automatically wraps her legs around his waist again. Then Suzaku bows his head to hers to engage in a passionate kiss, which she is just too happy to return.

Suzaku enjoys every thrust, he missed her, her body, her tightness, which seems to be made for his cock. They break the kiss when they both gasp for breath. He notices that he is nearing his climax when his thrusts become more uncontrolled and wilder. However, she is also not far away. Estelle's eyes narrow and gasps as he moves fast and deep inside her. After a few thrusts later, they come almost simultaneously. They both breathe heavily when Suzaku pulls away from her. Exhausted and satisfied he rolls him next to her. Both hadn't felt that satisfied in a long time.

  
  


After her breath has normalized, Suzaku gets up to dress again and throws the condom in the trash beforehand. He would then take a shower in his room. Estelle then sits up questioningly.

"Suzaku ... you ... want to leave already?" You can hear disappointment in her voice.

He is already clothed and is putting on his black gloves. Then he turns to her, “Good night, Estelle. I'll see you tomorrow.” With these words, he leaves the apartment.

She didn't know Suzaku that way. When they had slept together, he never said goodbye so quickly and, above all, with so few words. There was usually a goodbye kiss, then he smiled, they talked about how good it was, and usually they were both so sweaty that they showered together. Just because he slept with her now doesn't mean that he is the same as before. It disappoints her. The current Suzaku is different. Not only just professionally in his role as Lord, but also privately he keeps his facade to her.

They also met the following two evenings when he reappeared in front of her apartment. They slept together. It was passionate and wild, but emotionally no different from her first night on duty. He never spoke to her more than necessary. And then he got dressed, wished her a good night and left. It seemed to her that he didn't want to talk to her at all, although they hadn't seen each other for so long and there was certainly a lot to tell. Their kind of relationship just wasn't on the same level as it was back then. Back when they were friends and went to school together. The fact that they started sleeping together without having a romantic interest in each other led to a real friendship.

Not only did she have an Eleven as a school friend, contrary to her parents, she also had an affair with him. It was forbidden, experimental, and exciting. It was this time that she wished back with him. She had not yet given up hope of being able to change something in Suzaku. At that time he also changed Estelle over the time they shared together. She was no longer racist and biased just because her parents put words in her ear. And for that she was very grateful to him. Now it was her turn, now she had to change Suzaku for the better.

The weekly training takes place the next day. Suzaku's gaze is fixed on Estelle. Back then she was very sporty, he likes that about her. Of course, she has further improved and gives a good balance in his evaluation, otherwise she would not have been admitted to the post of his personal knight. However, he wanted to know for himself.

After training, Estelle is on her way to her room to take a shower. She runs into Gino, the Lord of Three, who, like Suzaku, did not take part in the training, but watched from the upper stands.

"Sweetie, how's it going? You were really good at training today. ”

She is somewhat irritated by his obvious turn on, but answers him with respect and awe:  
"I am very honored, Lord Weinberg!"

"You can call me Gino, haha! I think it's great that a woman was selected for this position for a change. There are not many who even make the pre-selection!” Gino winks at her.

Estelle blushes slightly with his compliment, "Eh, thank you, Lord - ... Gino!"  
"I really envy Suzaku on this point. He got a really pretty and talented woman as his personal knight after his predecessor no longer works for him."

"Oh ... eh ... thank you very much ... Tell me ... why is his 2nd personal knight actually no longer on duty ...? Hopefully nothing happened to him?” Estelle is curious and a little worried, after all, she is now the one in his place.

Gino realizes that Estelle is now a little unsettled and answers her only barely, as he has little interest in expanding the topic,  
"Oh, well ... Suzaku has ... he fired him. Because of refusal to give orders. ”  
As a result, she is a little shocked and cannot explain why Suzaku should actually fire a comrade. She would like to know what was the reason. Was it about his authority as a lord? Or was it due to the effects of the denial? - After he has changed a lot, as Estelle has to admit with a heavy heart, she finds it difficult to assess him.

"I ... I wouldn't have expected that from him …," she murmured thoughtfully.

Gino notices that Estelle is probably very interested in Suzaku and then asks her, "It sounds like you've known each other for a while?"

She answers awkwardly, unprepared for his question, "Eh, we ... have visited the same high school ...! Before a year ago."  
"Ah, I see", Gino put on a big grin and continues, "That's great! I mean ... I would like to have such a woman as a knight, too, but I'll treat it to Suzaku! After all, he doesn't enjoy anything else."

Estelle blushes inside and thinks, "What does he mean with enjoying?!"  
She replies hesitantly, "I ... don't know if you can call it fun just because there is a familiar face on his team now .. . “ Estelle hopes that should Gino's testimony have been. But then his grin only widened,  
"I didn't mean that!" Estelle is even more shocked internally.

"You and Suzaku ... you're sleeping together, aren't you?!"

Now her thoughts are finally thrown off track, "Damn it! How does he know?! Am I that easy to see through? Just because I said we were schoolmates? Or ... did he notice something ...?! - What should I say to him now? The truth? But Suzaku is not going to be thrilled if I do that ... "

"You misunderstood something. We were just classmates, nothing more. And that won't change now that we're more than comrades,” she replies with conviction.

"Oh - Then ... isn't he interested in you either ...?"

She is a bit irritated by the question and thinks, "Why is there a question now?! If I'm not interested in him, did the matter get it done ?! Even if it might not suit him if I had someone else, he, not even as my lord, has no right to determine my private life! ”  
She didn't know how wrong she was. After all, he had been given access to her apartment. If that wasn't contradictory.

"This is a question that my lord can probably best answer personally," Estelle replies matter-of-factly.  
"Uhm ... I think I'll talk to him about it once in a while …," he looks uncertain, probably because he knows how Suzaku will react to it. Especially if he is the one who starts this topic.  
"So ... guess our ways are separating here! Goodbye, and thanks for your openness… sweetie!“ He smiles and the two go their separate ways.

"Gino is really strange on the one hand ... but a part of his charming streak could wander to Suzaku ... as I got to know him as Knight of Seven, he takes his work and everything around it damn seriously, “ she is in thought.

A little later, Suzaku calls her and orders her to come to his office. Once there, her Lord and Ledo are already waiting for them.  
"Ledo, Estelle, I want to go through the schedule for tomorrow with you now."  
"Yes, my Lord", both response. They hold a short team meeting until Suzaku finishes and says goodbye. When Estelle wants to leave the room after Ledo, Suzaku's voice stops her:

"Estelle!" Then she turns to him. "I will expect you in my bedroom after dinner!"

She is a little surprised at this not very subtle or unavoidable request. The night before, he always just stood at her door. She doesn't show her brief irritation and gives him a playful look with a smile before leaving the office.

In the evening she stands in front of Suzaku's room for the first time and is a little nervous while knocking. The door is immediately opened by Suzaku, who is dressed in a bathrobe. She herself wears a short skirt under her service coat. She smiles when she sees him like this and is immediately pulled into his room and kissed on the neck when the door closes behind them. He puts his hands around her waist from behind and guides her into his bedroom. She enjoys his caresses and immediately lets him throw her on his four-poster bed.

Before he climbs over her, he takes off his coat. She only had a moment to look at his trained upper body as he leans over to her and engages her in a passionate kiss while he takes care of her skirt and then her panties with one hand. After that, he skilfully unbuttons her coat and folds the ends aside, his mouth still on hers. He wants to tamper with her bra, but realizes that there is none. He separates from her mouth and both gasp for breath.

"Hah ... I ... nh ... I thought I'd better not using something superfluous for my lord ...!" Estelle grins, panting heavily.

Suzaku likes it when she calls her "Lord". He didn't expect that this would suddenly make him feel so good. He feels how hard he is now and reaches for the bedside drawer with one hand to get a condom out of it, which immediately takes up its intended place.

Both have to groan loudly as he thrusts deep into her wet womanhood. As he moves faster within her, she clings her legs around his waist. After both have reached their climax, he lets go of her and lies next to her, panting.  
When her breath has returned to normal, Estelle takes the floor,  
"Suzaku ... do you want me to go to my bedchamber ...?"  
She expects that he will no longer want to have her like her previous nights.

"No, because I'm not quite done with you yet!"

Then he gets up, throws away the used condom, pulls on his boxer shorts and repositions himself over Estelle, his legs to the left and right of her hip.

She is surprised and likes that she is wrong with her guess.  
"What are you going to do, my lord?" She grins curiously.  
He, on the other hand, has put on his typically neutral, serious look again and shows her a medication in the form of a capsule, which he holds between his thumb and forefinger. She wonders what he's up to.

“Cecile gave me that. It serves as a contraceptive for six months and poses the lowest health risks for the pilot. For security reasons, this is administered to every woman on duty. "

For "security reasons" ... of course. After all, no lord wants his knight to get pregnant accidentally - by whoever his knight was sleeping with. And for the knight herself, that would probably also mean the end of her career.

"Did ... did you tell Cécile about us ...?" It was clear that it would only get worse for Estelle. And she was hoping he'd do other things with her.  
"Or why else did she give it to you instead of giving it to me? What if everyone soon finds out about us?! Wouldn't you care ?!” Estelle asks suspiciously.  
"I trust Cécile. Apart from that, Lord-Knight relationships on a sexual basis are common. They strengthen the bond and the trust and if anyone should find out about it, I will actually make no effort to deny it.”

Estelle is in a state of shock at this news and thinks, "Such relationships are ... COMMON ?! ... Is that also his attitude towards our kind of relationship? Did he ... was that why he made me his knight ?! It wasn't about my skills as a pilot ...“ Estelle gets more desperate the longer she thinks about it.

"Hey, Estelle! What is it? Please don't say you didn't know ... "Suzaku notices her stiffness. Didn't she, who was a Britannian with a high social status and whose parents attached great importance to tradition and custom, really not know what was part of her official duties?!

"Yes, yes, I know. I... just had to think about…," she thinks for a moment to choose her next words carefully "... with which of your other knights you slept."

He is a little surprised at her directness.  
"With nobody. You are the first,” he answers her calmly.  
Somehow he feels that she lied to him. She had no idea about Lord-Knight relationships and just didn't want to admit it. He's even sure of it now. But what does it matter. She doesn't sleep with him for this reason, but because she wants it herself.

Estelle, on the other hand, believes him and somehow she even makes it a little easier, although this also suggests that he made her his knight because of the intercourse.

"And Cécile ...? Do you sleep with her?" She asks, a little unsettled, because she hopes so much to receive a negative answer.

Cécile and Suzaku had a special relationship, she also looked after him privately and was always concerned about him. And now that Estelle is part of the team, Cécile is also responsible for her.

"Occasionally, yes. Irregularly.”  
Estelle then lowers her eyes as she thinks, “Well, at least he seems to be honest about that ... ”

"And ... you would like to have regular sex with your knight ...?", She asks him with a neutral voice, which shows no rating.

Suzaku isn't surprised by her questions. He expected her to talk to him about it. He is not afraid to answer her honestly, since the two of them never had more than a relationship of this kind, and he never thought that there would be a problem with having other partners as well. Even if he is no longer sure whether jealousy is involved by Estelle. After all, she went to the military because of him. Because of him she threw the school and acted against her parents' will. But no matter what she should think about his answers, whether she had friendly or even romantic feelings for him, she would definitely stay with him. She gave up too much for that.

“If it's possible, why wouldn't we? I think of doing it in the evening, as we have already established it."

Estelle again notices that he answers this question directly, without being uncertain or hesitant. The Suzaku she knew would have asked her ashamed what she thought about it. He would have placed her wishes before his. The current Suzaku seemed to be the opposite. He didn't seem to care about her wishes, as if he had nothing to lose. And the bad thing was that it was true. He had nothing to lose. When she thought about it, the balance of power had changed. When he was the most unpopular student in school, she was the one who had control over him. Now Suzaku was her lord and thus the one who was in control.

"And if the knight doesn't have the same wish as her lord...?" Estelle asks as neutrally as possible.  
"Then I will probably have to convince her," he smiles softly. He does not even answer her question whether this is a personal opinion of Estelle.

"So, now spread your legs, I want to put in this thing in you now!" Suzaku sits in front of her and grabs her thighs to keep them apart, as Estelle, completely surprised by what happened and not knowing, what that is all about, jumps up and sits on her feet in protest. Suzaku is now also surprised by her abrupt reaction.

"What's that supposed to do, Suzaku?!" She squeals, irritated.  
"The capsule is not meant for the mouth ... you know?!"  
"WHAT ?! Are you serious ?!” Estelle is now noticeably upset. "Give it to me, I'll do it myself!" She extends her hand and expects him to hand her the capsule.

"Calm down, Estelle. As your lord, you should trust me. So I'm going to do that."

"You wouldn't. I am going to take care of it." She wants to reach for his hand in which he holds the capsule, but he reacts faster and pulls it away beforehand. He then leans over her and holds her shoulders by leaning on them:

"Don't you trust me, Estelle ...?," He says for the first time with a clearly audible emotion - disappointment.

She is briefly surprised, but then wants to tear herself away. Instead, it happens that her Geass activates and forces her to act entirely in Suzaku's interest by helping him whenever she knowingly harms him.  
So she humbly replies, "I trust you, my lord!"  
And spreads her legs so that he can insert the capsule.

Suzaku is briefly surprised by her sudden action at her lord's will and feels a shiver of excitement pass through him. What has just happened to him? It was the same feeling as before. Her humble action made him feel in control. And the fact that she had addressed him with his title made him feel powerful. What was his knight doing with his mind? He had tried to bury all his emotions since Euphy's death. He couldn't feel anything anymore, he didn't want to feel anything anymore. Because everything he felt had only been painful so far.

He uses two fingers to precisely place the capsule in her. Meanwhile, Estelle comes to her senses and has to gasp quietly when she feels his fingers inside.  
"So, it's done. It wasn't that bad, was it?” He pulls his fingers out of her.

Estelle is scared of what has just happened. Did she surrender to Suzaku in trance? Like the last time she kissed him? Is that really going to happen again? And what's worse at the moment: she has just been excited by his fingers and wishes the contact back.  
She feels so needy that she asks him:

"Suzaku ... could you ... please continue ...?" There is a deep red glow on her face.

"Oh - uh - I'm sorry, Estelle, but as long as the capsule dissolves, you have to forgo intimate contact ..."  
"What ?! Ah, I do understand, that's why it was important to you to sleep with me beforehand! And how long until it dissolved? ”Estelle's reaction is anything but pleased, but she actually thought that the more she met him, the better it could get. After all, they talked to each other, but even today the meeting is not an improvement. So far, it has been the opposite for Estelle. She ponders how she can pay him back.

"The next three days.” He doesn't sound as if that would bother him. She wants to change that now.  
"Too bad I would have loved to take a second round with you right now. I would now like to sit on your erection and then - ," Estelle says as seductively as possible when Suzaku interrupts her:  
"Estelle, leave it. We should sleep now. I also don't have an erection again,” he says seriously. He has got up from the bed and wants her to leave his room. However, when she doesn't respond and stays in protest, Suzaku gives her a clear instruction:

"Estelle, I ask you to go to your room now!"

She wonders what's going on with him. He doesn't even try to look casual, doesn't even go into their games like he used to. But she doesn't want to give up yet. She wants to relive the old Suzaku she have known. Only once for today.

"Where do you sleep? Left or right?"

"Estelle ... as your lord I command you to leave my bed and my room now!" He speaks with a serious, decisive tone.

She suddenly feels hurt by his words. What does he think how he can treat her?! An order? Does he really think she is here on business? So does he view their type of relationship as what he called a “Lord-Knight Relationship”?

She doesn't want to give up to him unsettled, but she doesn't manage to oppose him again, since her Geass activates:  
"Yes, my Lord!" Then she gets up, puts on her clothing and leaves the room.

And not just that: she leaves a very excited Suzaku in the middle of it. He's been watching her to the very end and her humble words are still echoing in his ears. This is the third time today that this feeling has been given to him. It feels so good for him to see Estelle follow his commands. The humility with which she answered him ... While he is taking a shower, he takes care of his erection.

Estelle is lying in her bed and her Geass stops working.  
"How .. what …," she wonders what has just happened. "Was that this curse again? Is Suzaku really doing this to me ...? Is that really all real ...?” Estelle closes her eyes and a tear rolls down her cheeks.

"What happened to Suzaku ..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am aware that this chapter contains much smut(ty themes). But it's needed for the ongoing plot XD.  
> Next chapter will focus on Suzaku x Cécile (I love this two together (and there are too less fanficts of this ship) *__*) and the mission to catch C.C.
> 
> You have to wait for Suzalulu smut, because this will be a long story. But I promise there's going to be some (best-friends-smut / enemies to lovers- smut) XD  
> Because English isn't my mother tongue and the translation costs me much extra time, reviews are highly appreciated x__x Please tell me, what you think so far. Is the english version understandable?


	3. The mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Suzaku and Ledo go on a mission to Japan to capture C.C.**   
>  **Cécile takes care of Suzaku. Ledo and his lord have a men talk while taking a shower.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes action this time!  
> So it goes ahead with the rough outer plot.  
> But: smut included.  
> 3.8k words.

## The mission

The next morning Suzaku tells Estelle and Ledo that he will be sent on a mission to Japan for about a week and has decided to have Ledo on his side as a support while Estelle is supposed to hold the fort. Estelle is shocked when he announces this news.  
Why did he choose against her? Why doesn't he take both of his knights with him on an important mission?

"Are there any questions left?" Suzaku inquires.

"My Lord ... I ... would like to know why you don't take me with you. As your knight, I am able to fight too! ”Estelle begins her sentence hesitantly, but then sounds very strong-willed.

He looks at her and then replies, “I will use you when I think it's right. Ledo has already proven himself several times and I therefore trust him ”.

"I see ..." Estelle's disappointment can be seen clearly. Her thoughts are now about whether he is telling her the truth. Does he really trust her so little? After everything they had been through together? Sure, they didn't take part in missions together ... but trust is fundamental. So if she could prove himself to him, he would trust her.

"I have a question, too, my lord!" Suddenly Ledo says.  
Suzaku pays attention to him and Ledo continues asking:  
"What kind of mission is it exactly?"  
Suzaku was prepared for this question.  
"You and the rest of the team will receive the details in our base in Japan." His statement immediately arouses more curiosity in both of his knights.

"Is .. the mission under strict secrecy ...?" Ledo hesitantly asks.

"Under the strictest secrecy. We're going to fly to our military base in Japan in a few hours today. ”  
Somehow, Estelle has a feeling that there is more to why he didn't choose her. Maybe it's not a combat mission at all, maybe it's just something bureaucratic, and he wants to keep it from her because otherwise his reasoning will no longer make sense and his real reason is still different.

When he orders both of them to leave his office, Estelle remains in front of Suzaku, who has just sat on the swivel chair. Suzaku looks up when he realizes that his knight is still there.

"Suzaku ... we have to talk about the past nights ... about us," Estelle says firmly. He would have preferred to avoid the conversation.

“There's not much to talk about, Estelle. We have an affair like we did before.” For him, the matter is over.

"Only that nothing is as it used to be. You have changed a lot ... ,” Estelle replies, hiding her inner disappointment.  
"People change. You should know that yourself. After all, you were the one who disliked me the least in school back then. And now ... you are here and my knight,” he says seriously, hoping to end the conversation.

"Did you hire me only because you want to have a Lord-Knight relationship? Do you want to control me? That your knight obeys you unreservedly because it feels good to you?"

Estelle hits a sore spot at Suzaku. He doesn't believe that he has a Lord-Knight relationship with her, nor does he abuse his power as a Lord to exercise control over her. After all, she wants it just like he did and yesterday's situation, which led him to command her, was her fault.

“We don't have a Lord-Knight relationship. We have an affair that is of mutual interest. So no, I didn't hire you because of that,” he says seriously. He is convinced that he hasn't done anything wrong and that he lives up to his moral ideas.

"Oh, and why then does my lord give me orders in that regard?!" Estelle doesn't believe Suzaku a word after everything he did and said last night.  
"For the same reason I don't chose to take you on the mission - lack of trust. I shouldn't have given you orders if you just trusted me.” Suzaku briefly remembers that her obedience really excited him, but convinces himself that it doesn't matter.

His logic doesn't make sense to Estelle. So that means either she trusts him and lets happen what he desires, or she refuses and he commands her to make it happen? Circumstances change, but it boils down to remains the same.  
Apparently the means justify the end when it comes to the will of her lord...  
Is Suzaku really convinced that this is right? Or does he only believe it because he wants to believe it? Because he can't help it ...?

With this conversation, Estelle wouldn't reveal any truth. If Suzaku was really serious, she would show him her trust as soon as he got back from the mission. That is probably the only thing that will get her closer to her answers. Trust could be the first step to make him the person she was once friends with. Because of her imposed Geass, she hasn't a choice anyway.

"I ... understood," says Estelle emotionlessly as she bows to her lord and says goodbye.

Suzaku and Ledo go into the hangar to get into their Knightmare Frames.  
Left alone, Estelle is now even sure that Suzaku has to do something else. And she also knows what.

"That bastard! Yesterday he didn't choose the day to give me this stuff for nothing ... he knew that he couldn't sleep with me for the next few days anyway, so he didn't take me with him. So he really made me his knight only for this reason ... And that matter regarding the lack of trust was not a lie, I heard it in his voice. It sounded just as serious as yesterday's statements. So he doesn't trust me either ..." Estelle is desperate and angry at the same time.

"The advantage is that I'm away from him for the next time. After our night yesterday, I would actually have been afraid of what he would have asked me for the next three days. But what concerns me even more now ... what if the curse is activated again ?! I can't resist his will and this feeling of losing control is scary ... "

She can hardly let go of her desperate thoughts and decides not to concentrate on possible future events between them for the next few days without Suzaku. She can only use this distance too well to process the knowledge gained as his knight for the time being.

It is already in the evening and Suzaku, Ledo as well as Lloyd, Cecile and the rest of the team, consisting of 25 subordinates, have reached the military base in Japan. Before dinner, everyone involved is gathered in a room waiting for an announcement of the upcoming mission.

Suzaku enters the room. Ledo stands to his left, both facing the audience in front of them. The attention is now on the young lord as he begins to speak,  
“Each of you has probably already puzzled over what our mission is all about. I only chose those whom I fully trust because it is a mission relevant to Zero's capture. ”

He pauses for a moment because he notices that there is suddenly an astonished murmur among those present.  
"You are now wondering which Zero I mean, because he should be dead after all. But he may be alive and only submerged for a while.”

Shocked faces face him. Cécile and Lloyd are also shocked. Cécile looks as if some of Suzaku's behavior is just becoming clear to her, and Lloyd is pleasantly surprised, because for him this means that his ingenuity for the development of the Lancelot is in full use again.

“That is why we will try to lure him out, and this will require the successful completion of this mission. So who we are looking for on this mission is not Zero himself, but someone who can lead him to us. Someone he is reluctant to take away and who he will try to free."  
Suzaku is very confident and you can tell how much he is passionate about possibly coming across Zero soon. He signals Ledo to display the mission data on the large screen behind them.

"We are looking for this green-haired girl. Her name is C.C. and she is a senior member of the Black Knights. Our job is to locate the current headquarters and capture her. Of course we need her alive."

A short moment of silence passes, then Suzaku finally asks,  
"Have you understood everything and know what your tasks are?!"  
Then he is greeted with a collective "Yes, my Lord!" Which is why he immediately dissolves the meeting.

Later Suzaku is in his room, which is equipped with a bed, a closet and a desk. It would usually be bedtime for him, but he is still sitting concentrated and deep in thought at the desk in order to go through the mission details again carefully. Suddenly he gets distracted from work by a knock on the door of his room. Instead of getting up, he asks the one in, because it isn't locked. When he looks up from the screen, Cecile is standing in front of him.

"Cecile! What's the matter? Aren't you able to sleep because of the mission?” He asks surprised.

"Good evening, Suzaku! No... that's probably more the case with my Lord,” she smiles, but seems a bit shy.  
"And ... why are you here?," He asks.  
"I ... wanted to look after my Lord ... based on today's knowledge, I now know how you should feel ..."

He lowers his eyes and knows what Cecile is trying to address.  
"I don't know if it's true. Whether he actually still exists. The Zero who killed Euphy ...” There's a short silence. Cécile detects grief, disappointment and anger at the same time in him.  
"I have to make sure that he no longer exists. Otherwise, this feeling of insecurity accompanies me constantly. I want to finally reach closure to focus on the liberation of Japan. ”

Cécile isn't surprised by his emotions and actions. She is happy to finally know his hidden feelings.

Suzaku suddenly gets up, pulls her towards him and kisses her. Knowing that this would end their conversation, she returns the kiss, which becomes increasingly passionate and demanding. She knows what her lord needs now, and when they separate and he's back in his office chair, Cecile kneels in front of him, his legs to her left and right.

When she opens his pants and frees his member from the rest of the fabric, Suzaku leans expectantly with his hands on her shoulders. She begins to stroke him with her hand, Suzaku closes his eyes and gasps in relief as his cock hardens under her skillful movements.

Cécile knows exactly how he likes it best and she opens the buttons of her uniform to give him a look at her bare breasts. He watches her with lust, and when she puts his erection in her mouth and starts sucking on it, he puts his hands from her shoulders on her head to hold her in place while he can't help groaning.

Her tongue reminds him every time why he loves it that much with her. Blowjobs given by her are really the best.

He has to be careful not to come in her mouth right away because he wants to enjoy the moment as long as possible. Cécile realizes that he is close to his climax and gives him a sign that he can inject his essence into her mouth by gently biting him into the tip. He recognizes her sign and does as he is told. She wraps around his dick as best as possible and then swallows the warm sperm. His grip loosens and he looks visibly relaxed. Cécile gets up again and buttons her uniform while he straightens his pants.

A combat mission takes place within the following days. The base of the Black Knights was found, which is hidden in the underground. Suzaku and Ledo drive ahead in their KMFs to invade the base. There the two and the rest of the unit are intercepted by enemy Sutherlands.

"Ledo!"  
"Yes, my Lord !?"  
"Hold the position! I'm going to go inside the base alone with the Lancelot!” Suzaku gives the order while he is busy with sinking an enemy unit.

With a loaded shot of the VARIS, he blows up the large steel gate and jumps out of the Lancelot, armed with a firearm, to continue on foot through the aisle behind.  
When he arrives in the center, he encounters C.C., who sits in the command center on a swivel chair in front of a screen.

"Suzaku Kururugi," she says emotionlessly and turns around with the chair when she sees him walking towards her armed.

"C.C.! Did you really think if Zero wasn't supposedly there anymore, that you would be safe?!” Suzaku put on a serious expression.  
"If you want to shoot me, do it," she says confidently.

He is already in front of her and holds the gun in front of her face.  
"I know you can't die."  
"You want to capture me because you want Zero. Or should I say Lelouch ?!” Her self-confidence and the mention of Lelouch trigger anger in Suzaku. He pulls his eyebrows down grimly and grits his teeth,

"So, my guess is right and Lelouch is Zero again?! Speak!"  
"I only know that Zero is not here. That's the truth,” she says, looking relatively relaxed.

At that moment her thoughts turn desperately around Lelouch, "Lelouch, if you finally remember after we met recently ... help me!"

When Suzaku quickly handcuffs her and forces her to get up and come with him, Ledo storms into the room. He sees his lord with the wanted and is briefly pleased.  
"My Lord, the effort wasn't in vain!"  
Suzaku, however, remains serious and replies, "The effort was only worth it to me when the mission is leading us to Zero."  
Ledo's eyes neutralized again. Suddenly another KMF pilot appears behind Ledo, who points his gun at Ledo:

"The girl against him," he says to Suzaku, who initially stands shocked, C.C. in front of him.

"A traitor?!" Ledo also thinks in shock.

Suzaku has come this far, and he will now successfully complete this mission. He thinks hard about how to do it. The traitor from our own ranks ... is he controlled by the Geass? Does Lelouch have his fingers, or rather his eyes, involved?

Suzaku's eyes darken even more with these thoughts. Ledo and him are still about five meters apart. Ledo is actually afraid that his lord will choose his hostage instead of him because he has already noticed the importance to his lord, when he announces the mission.

"I agree!" Ledo's relief from his Lord finally comes.

He releases C.C.. When she is with Ledo and his hostage-taker, he takes Ledo to the elevator over which he then wants to flee. The moment he steps into the elevator with C.C. and lets go of Ledo, the green-haired woman stands unprotected in front of him as the door closes.  
Suzaku was waiting for this moment. Before the elevator door can close completely, he runs towards Ledo, who has come to a stop just in front of the elevator, aims for the elevator and has his multiple shots punctured C.C..

Ledo, shocked by his lord's actions, sees two blood-soaked bodies lying in front of him when the sliding door opens completely again.  
Suzaku walks past him and looks unemotionally at the massacre when C.C. wakes up and is startled to realize what has just happened. He lifts her up to take her with him and takes one last look at the body, pierced with live ammunition, that received the shots that went through C.C..

Ledo, who observes everything more than shocked and confused, would never have expected his lord to be capable of an act this risky and unscrupulous.  
The girl should have been dead after all; moreover, without hesitation, he shot his subordinate. Even if this betrayal was committed, he ultimately just wanted the girl instead of killing. Maybe he wanted to get away with the glory of catching her. Or someone asked him to catch her. For these reasons, Ledo really wouldn't have expected Suzaku to do this.

"My Lord ... how ... is it possible that she is still alive?" Ledo asks in surprise. "She ... is special. Especially for Zero ... And now let's go back and blow up that base,” Suzaku says firmly as he walks to the Lancelot with C.C..

"But Lord Kururugi! What about the dead man? Do you want to leave him here?” Ledo asks, unsure what to think about it.  
"He is a traitor. We're destroying the rest of him with this entire base.” He sounds cold and bitter. Ledo then responds with an undecided "Yes, my Lord."

After ordering his unit to destroy the base, Suzaku returns to their military base with the Lancelot and C.C. in custody. He then has her shipped to a safe place and locked up.  
Cécile and Lloyd are already waiting for his arrival. Lloyd is about to go through the Lancelot maintenance inspection, while Cécile is doing an inspection on the smaller Lancelot.

"Everything all right, Suzaku ...?" She asks concerned.

"Yes, it's all right, Cécile, the blood is not my own," he replies, knowing that she is worried about him, which gives him a feeling of warmth.

"I didn't mean that ... do you ... want to tell me what's on your mind ...?" She asks him hesitantly. She always notices, when there is more to his emotions than he openly reveals. However, it doesn't always happen that Cecile gets the answers she is looking for. He often remains closed to her, too. Like now, for example.

"You?! You are on my mind..." he replies with a charming smile.

She understands what he's trying to tell her and leans over the bed to kiss him. The kiss is returned immediately, but before there can happen something else, Ledo interrupts them.

"Um ... I'm probably disturbing you...", he says embarrassed when he sees them. They split up abruptly in reaction.  
Cécile turns deep red and asks him to take a seat in the bed next door so that she can examine him straight away. Suzaku gets up and says goodbye with the words,  
“I will shower. Ledo, please join me when you are done, we should talk a little more."

Ledo then reacts slightly perplexed when he is instructed to join his lord in the local showers. He has never showered with Suzaku, after all, there are separated showers in Pendragon in their own living areas. And he is happy about the fact.  
He replies ashamedly, "Yes, my Lord" and hopes that his embarrassment hasn't been noticed.

He enters the shower very hesitantly with a towel wrapped around his entire body and spots his lord, who is already in the shower and foaming to wash his blood-soaked body. By wearing C.C., he also got some of her blood, which seeped through his skin-tight pilot suit.

Suzaku takes notice of Ledo and actually expects him to use the shower next to him. Instead, however, he stands undecided in the room and then hesitantly decides to choose a specific shower.

"I uh ... if you allow me, my lord, I will take the shower on the far left of the wall," he blushes as he says so with his look on the floor as he runs to the said selection.  
"If ... you are more comfortable with it, it's fine" Suzaku reacts confused when Ledo chooses the only shower with a privacy shield.

Ledo has to approve that he wanted to have a clear view of his lord's naked body. His athletic build with defined abdominal muscles can also be recognized while wearing his skin-tight pilot suits, but Ledo has to admit that he looks even more attractive when naked.

"So Ledo, what I wanted to talk to you about ... I want to ask you not to tell anyone what happened today. And by that I mean our team included. With that, of course, also Estelle,” he says matter-of-factly, while Ledo is also taking a shower.

He suspected that his lord wanted to discuss the matter with him. So far, Ledo has always trusted him, even if his actions sometimes seemed very questionable, so far they have been successful, because in the end he achieved his goal. Like this time, too. The difference, however, is that he sacrificed a comrade's life without knowing his background; in the aforementioned missions, he risked his own life to save his comrades. For this reason Ledo owes his life twice. And that speaks for his blind trust in Suzaku.

"Yes, my Lord!" He answers him devotedly.  
"Thanks Ledo. You know, I'm glad I can trust you. That's why I chose you for this mission. ”  
A red shimmer forms on Ledo's cheeks in reaction of these words.  
"Thank you ... my lord! ... I am very honored. I trust you completely.”  
Suzaku, finally cleared of the blood, turns off the shower and dries off.

"Ledo, can I ... ask you something personal ...?" He changes the subject.  
"Eh, of course, my lord!" Ledo is still embarrassed and doesn't know what may come next.

"Have you had anything intimate with Cécile?" Suzaku asks directly. Ledo is taken by complete surprise when asked, such question wasn't expected by him.

"Eh ...- no, I hadn't, my lord!" He answers embarrassed.  
"With anyone else here?" His lord asks further.  
"No - I - ... why are... you asking...?"

"I think you should give it a try with a partner. It is much more relaxing in the long run than it is alone. If you like, I can ask Cécile to take care of you. She's really good at blowing and she also swallows,” Suzaku suggests shamelessly.

Ledo is rigid with redness and wonders how his lord suddenly comes up with it. Is the reason because he is also a man and should therefore longing for it? Or is it possible... Does his lord really think he would be in the shielded shower to pleasure himself?!

"No, I ... I didn't ...", Ledo panicked.  
"Ledo, I don't think that's bad at all, really. You can also take a shower right next to me. But I can also understand if you are uncomfortable,” Suzaku says with care.  
"..." Ledo is ashamed, but remembers that the truth would be even more shameful to him, and leave it at it.

"Well, I'll talk to Cecile about this," Suzaku resumes.

"No! Um ... I will do it by myself ... thanks ... ," Ledo answers helplessly.  
"OK .. as you wish. I'm done, see you tomorrow. We will probably return to Pendragon around noon when we have closed the camp by then. Good night,” Suzaku says goodbye.

"Good night, my lord," Ledo breathes in relief that this conversation is now over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially I had plans to add the Suzaku x Ledo ship, because I hadn't read/spotted any fanfics of it so far. (I think the CG:Gaiden Manga isn't that popular outside Japan and so is Ledo)  
> But I wanted to portrait Suzaku only gay for Lelouch XD (it simply makes more sense to me for his character)  
> There will be other (minor) characters in future chapters, like Gino and Luciano (for plot's sake and to make the story environment more Code Geass canon like ~~and to remind Suzaku beeing mental-wrecked~~ )


	4. Three, Ten and Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Estelle talks to Luciano, who lets her know about a festivity held by Schneizel. Gino has dinner with her. Her lord returns from the mission craving for his knight.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains smut.

## Three, Ten and Seven

While Suzaku and Ledo are on the mission, there is an encounter between Estelle and Luciano, the Knight of Ten, who are currently in a corridor in the main building. Followed by three of his 'Valkyrs' he stops in front of her with a malicious grin on his face,

"Well, look who we got there?! A female knight who is not subordinate to me!"

Estelle pauses abruptly. She hoped that she would be spared a conversation.  
"My lord is -" she begins speaking, but is interrupted by Luciano.

"That Eleven, Kururugi! And I thought for a brief moment that someone had mixed up the color of your cloak. Hahaha. But let's stop joking. I didn't expect this lord of an Eleven to employ such a lovely young lady! ”

Estelle rolls her eyes inwardly, the reaction isn't uncommon to her. Except that this guy is by far the most condescending one here in the palace. She feels sorry for his three companions.  
  


"What's your name, sweetheart ?!" There is still a big grin on his face when he raises her chin with his left hand so that she is forced to look him in the eye. Estelle doesn't like the situation at all, but still doesn't pull his hand away and answers monotonously,  
"Estelle Ashford." He lets go of her chin.

"Hn ... nh ... ahahaha !! Isn't Kururugi to be pityed??! Risking his life for his comrades, wrapping up the Euro-Britannia war and yet nobody seems to accept him as his lord!” Luciano is extremely amused and fixated that Suzaku is thrown mud at, Estelle now realizes.

"What leads you to this conclusion, Lord?" Estelle suppresses all of her anger and tries to sound as neutral as possible.

"Well, he wasn't even at his own celebration, which was held by Prince Schneizel in honor of his victory in the Euro-Britannia war."

Estelle doesn't quite understand what he's getting at.  
"I think it is up to him to decide whether to participate or not."

Luciano's amusement continues to increase.  
"Oooh, it was definitely his decision! - I wouldn't show up at a royal festivity without a female escort - of course I meant without at least three escorts! Well, and I thought he didn't have one because he would only employ male knights. But the fact that you are a woman and yet you do not accompany him on such occasions, shows that no one accepts him as his lord. Ultimately, he is nothing more than a damned Eleven!” The last words are spoken with an increasingly nasty pitch.

He is about to walk past her with a grin when Estelle objects:  
“Wait! - I respect and accept him as my lord, regardless of his lineage!” Estelle looks confident. Luciano turns to her again,

"Then ... will you be his escort at Prince Schneizel's party next month?!"

She is surprised because Suzaku didn't mention an event. Perhaps for the reason that he did not intend to participate?  
She replies, "If my lord wishes"  
Luciano then briefly closes his eyes and opens them again.  
"So, let's see if your actions are carried out with the same obedience and loyalty to him as your words!" Luciano leaves the aisle by turning.

No sooner has Luciano disappeared than Estelle meets Lord Weinberg.  
"Well, you showed him! ... Somehow. "  
"Lord W ...- Gino! ... Can you tell me who was that?"  
"He is the Knight of Ten, Luciano Bradley. He's not exactly the friendliest here, as you  
can see !” “You said a mouthful... especially he isn't friendly when it comes to Suzaku ... ”, she murmurs the second part of the sentence softly.

"Estelle, I followed you because I wanted to ask you if you would like to have dinner with me, because Suzaku and his team aren't here!"

Estelle is a little surprised and turns slightly red. "I have no objection to that, I was just about to have dinner anyway."  
"Well, come with me ! There is a good Britannian restaurant nearby!” Gino says, pleased with her answer.

"I ... I just would like to change beforehand ...", notes Estelle with a red glow on the cheek. "Oh - but of course! Let's meet ... at this address in an hour?!” He gives her a business card from the restaurant.  
"Sounds well" Estelle replies and her ways separate for now.

When Estelle arrives at the said address, Gino grins at her appearance. An elegant, long dress with a deep neckline adorns her feminine body in purple. He himself is wearing a white and green suit.  
"Nice dress, really suits you very well!"  
Estelle shyly avoids his flirting look,  
"I ... wanted to dress appropriately to go out ...!" She hopes that Gino will not assume that their dinner together is now considered a date .

They sit opposite each other at a table for two. After they have eaten, they both drink a glass of wine.  
"I don't know how you feel about it, but I think our evening together was very nice. Do you want to repeat that for the evenings ahead while your Lord is still out? Or do you already have something planned?"  
Estelle replies somewhat embarrassed, "I think the evening was nice too, Gino. I'm always available for a dinner together.” At the moment, Estelle is happy to have gotten away from Suzaku - even if part of her would have liked to be on the mission and chosen by him, even after what did happen the night before.

"Tell me, Estelle ... about the festivity Luciano was talking about ... you ... will you really be with Suzaku, if he wants to participate?"

Gino is curious, but doesn't really know how he could have asked more subtly. Astonished by the change of subject, Estelle replies,  
"As his former school friend, I will certainly not let him down!" She adds in her thoughts:,"In addition ... I would like to be the woman at his side ... because maybe he will finally opening up to me and becomes the one I miss so much ... "

Gino is a little surprised by this answer,  
"Ok, wow ... I wouldn't have expected that. After you said you didn't want anything from him, I thought that there wouldn't be any more between you two... "

Estelle is shocked by his testimony. How does he figure it out? Has her camouflage been noticed? Did Gino know beforehand and wanted to test her? Had he heard this from Suzaku, so that Gino wouldn't go after Suzaku's personal knight? After all, her lord had revealed to her openly that he wouldn't care if anyone found out about their “affair”.  
Estelle now has absolutely no idea what to say. However, she is so shocked that you can see that she has secrets.

"Um ... I'm sorry, you're right," she admits ashamed.  
"We sleep together, my lord so wishes."

She thinks about it, “Is he now satisfied with the answer? After all, when we first met, he wanted to tell me that Lord-Knight relationships were normal and that it was apparently not a question of whether the Knight was interested in it either… which was confirmed by Suzaku's testimony and behavior.”

Gino is a little surprised at Estelle's answer. He cannot believe that she does it only because Suzaku wants it to. After all, they were school friends.  
"And ... you only do it because of his will?" He asks incredulously. Estelle put on a worried look,  
"No, I ... just wish I could make him the person I met, again ... he was even happier then and I miss his laugh, his spontaneity and the fun we had together. Since Euphemia's death he has been changed ... ” Gino listens to her attentively.  
"So he was actually happier ... it's really hard to imagine it if you don't know him differently than he is now. I was already wondering what else needs to be done to have his seriousness pushed aside.”

"You know, I'm really happy to be a few days aloof from him. This helps me to process that he is someone else now. He no longer views me as a friend, but as a subordinate. That was shown to me by his behavior last night. Even if he assures me otherwise. Therefore ... I will take on this role and submit to him ... in the hope that I can use it to open his eyes in the future and make him who he was once before. - But now I am his knight and he is my lord."

Making that decision was anything but easy for Estelle. She's been thinking for a long time about what to do about Suzaku, what happened recently and what he had told her about trust. It was the safest option for her to stay away from this state of trance, which would make Suzaku's wishes come true as soon as she actively opposed it.

"I'm sorry about what used to be between you and him, and how it is now ... just in case Suzaku doesn't want to participate in the party ... would there be a chance, you accompany me there?" Gino asks uncertainly about her answer and is internally prepared for a removal. Estelle is embarrassed, but at the same time feels honored for his interest in her.

"I ... would like to be your escort for this party, Gino."  
His eyes begin to sparkle, "Great! We should toast to that!” Estelle smiles and they both drink their wine.

Until Suzaku, Ledo and the rest of the team return from the mission after five days, the two meet each other for dinner every night, making friends.

It is already evening and Suzaku visits Estelle to caress her neck after the week of separation from his knight. The time without her was probably harder than expected. Or apparently not that hard, regarding his member. Estelle was expecting him and surrendered to him without words. Normally she would ask him how it went first, but she knows that this is neither relevant to him at the moment nor would she be given an answer.

"Take a bath with me, Estelle!" He asks when both are already half-naked.

This makes her think about her last night with him again. But now she wants to avoid at all costs that what she is most afraid of comes up again: the compulsion to obey him.  
"As you wish, my lord," she replies humbly and with a gentle smile. At this sight he has to restrain himself not to take her right there and then. Aroused by her words, it takes a lot of his self-control to reach for his towel and detach himself from her. She does the same and Suzaku takes Estelle by the arm. With her in tow, he goes to the spa bath room, whizzing through the corridors only wearing underwear and towels.

Once in the bathing area, Estelle is amazed at how big and luxurious everything is here. Suzaku removes his pants and impatiently asks her to undress too. However, Estelle hesitates and is embarrassed,

"My Lord ... isn't that a shared bathroom ...?"  
"Don't worry, we won't be bothered by the late hours here!" There is desire in his voice.

He stands behind her and opens her bra with a skillful grip, which thus falls to the floor. Still unsure, she takes off her panties and is immediately pulled into the warm water by Suzaku. He needs his knight now. Surrounded by pleasant warmth, he presses her against him and kisses her covetously. Then he lifts her up in the water to get her to a shallow ledge in front of the pool edge and supports herself as he sets her down. She feels his hard cock touch her stomach and immediately moves her legs into an open position so that his hip is now wrapped around them so he can thrust into her.

She looks expectantly into his eyes. Instead, he takes a finger, which he slowly moves in and out. When she answers with a lustful gasp, he adds a second finger.  
"Ah! Suzaku! Please ... more! ,“ Estelle is wishing for.  
"Hm, what are you saying?! I expect a little more respect from my knight.” Suzaku grins, restraining himself with all his might, not to do her bid now. He liked how much she wanted him now.

Estelle becomes clear what he wants to hear from her and fulfills his wish,  
"Take me, my lord!" With this sentence he can no longer hold back and both have to groan in relief when he immediately thrusts into her as deeply as possible.

Suzaku really missed his knight in such a short time. Her humble behavior in particular, which she has shown him since the beginning. It seems that she now fully accepts him as her lord. With these thoughts, he moves faster in her, which for the first time is a small challenge in the water to find a pleasant rhythm.

"Aaah! My lord !!”  
He feels Estelle's ecstasy as her inside narrows around his dick, which also brings him to his climax with a few bumps later. After a short pause, he kisses her on the mouth again. Then he withdraws from her and rolls beside her. A little later, Estelle turns her head to Suzaku, exhausted.

"How ... did your mission go, my lord?" She suddenly asks him.

"It went successful." He wonders how formal she has been to him since that evening.  
"I'm ... pleased," she looks depressed and adds hesitantly,

"My Lord ... Suzaku ... why ... did you really leave me here ...? I know you don't trust me yet ... but ... that's not the only reason, am I right? You ... only made me to your knight because you want to sleep with me ... not because of my pilot skills ... " She tries to sound as emotionless as possible, avoiding to show him her sadness.

"That's not true, Estelle. No matter what you think, I chose Ledo because he obeyed me and I know I can trust him blindly,” he says.

She didn't know how right she was, that there was a second reason on which the lack of trust was built. He didn't want to let her know that he had caught C.C. because they knew each other. She wouldn't understand his decision to want to catch Zero with her as the bait. Because she didn't know who the real Zero was and he wanted to keep this secret to her.

"If that's true, why didn't you take me with you, too?! I would have had the chance to prove myself to you!” Estelle is increasingly emotional, for her Suzaku is simply a contradiction in terms.

"I'll give you your chance yet. But before you have to trust me.”  
“I see ... ,” she says with a disappointed look, knowing that this conversation didn't lead to something either.

"My Lord ... I ran into the Knight of Ten while you were away …," Estelle changes the subject.  
"Luciano ?! What did he want from you!?,“ Suzaku asks with a scowl. It isn't surprising that Luciano is in his bad books.

"For next week ... a festivity is organized by Highness Prince Schneizel ... and ... I learned from Lord Bradley that you didn't attend your own and he asked me if -" she wants explain further when she is interrupted by Suzaku.

"Let me guess! - He said that someone like me would certainly not be accompanied anyway, so he wanted to test your loyalty to your lord?!,” he says angrily at Luciano. She looks at him in surprise, amazed at how well he got to the point.

Without waiting for an answer from Estelle, he immediately adds,  
"What did you say to him ?!" 

"I told him that if my lord so wished I would like to be with him," she replies without regretting anything.

"Oh no, I won't let him provoke me. I don't care about this idiot. I'm generally not interested in such festivities,” Suzaku says seriously and visibly upset.

"But ... besides the fact that you can prove the opposite to him ... isn't it nice to break out of everyday life? We could have fun together!,“ She tries to convince him.  
Suzaku looks away from her and still has a different opinion, "It doesn't lead to anything, Estelle ..."

"My Lord, Suzaku! … Please give me the chance to demonstrate my loyalty and trust to you! I want to be your escort, the knight at my lord's side!,” She hopes to be able to convince him in this way.

What she really wants, however, is to relive the Suzaku as she once got to know. So what could be more effective than a party with him?!  
Her devoted words actually trigger something in him. He smiles desperately for a moment, but then looks serious again.

"I'm sorry, Estelle. But we won't attend."

She is disappointed with his words and then also says a little sadly, "If you don't participate in with me, my lord ... I will be Lord Weinberg's escort. I promised him when we were having dinner together."

"!! - Wait, you did what?!,“ Suzaku reacts in horror.

"You will not attend this party with any other lord! And certainly not with Gino! It was clear that this player is after my knight if I weren't there for a while …" He is angry.

Estelle didn't expect this reaction. She actually thought he didn't care about her. Or is he afraid the relationship with Gino or another male person could endanger their Lord-Knight relationship?

"Then ... am I your escort, my lord?," She asks hopefully.

Suzaku then pauses briefly and sighs.  
"I think ... a knight belongs to her lord …," he suddenly smiles and looks at Estelle for a moment as he leans over and kisses her intimately.  
He would definitely not leave his knight to Gino. He was her lord, Estelle was his. She would be his escort, she would only trust and obey him and he was looking forward to it.

Estelle is happy with his decision. She hopes he could finally become the person she wants to have back. The Suzaku, who is having fun, smiling, and being happy around her.

When they parted from kissing, Suzaku says with a smile, “Now let's get out of the pool. I would really like to be in my bed now ... and have a second round with you in it!”  
The idea of attending this special festivity held by Schneizel with his knight as her lord excited him again. Estelle reacts - somewhat tired from the relaxation that has arisen - with a gentle smile as he lifts her out of the water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Estelle is clueless what she is coming at... X__X Of course Suzaku did not attend Schneizel's special events just because of the lack of an escort ^__-.  
> I imagine Schneizel's parties to be really smutty XD  
> Code Geass offers the perfect basis for smut fics.  
> I mean, there are all sorts of ways to write different smut scenarios.  
> In the next chapter, among others, Luciano and Suzaku collide ... this will be fun XD (No, they don't sleep with each other! They will have an... argument which Suzaku's Knight is part of)


	5. Schneizel's special party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Suzaku and his knight attend Schneizel's special party. Estelle should give evidence of her trust in her Lord there. But as the saying goes - trust is good, but control is better. [Trust, but verify]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> contains smutty themes/ abusive behavior  
> 5.1k words.

##  Schneizel's special party

Suzaku and Estelle enter the already well-filled ballroom. Guests either belong to the British aristocracy, are other high-ranking persons or are their escorts. At the end of the huge, royal hall, there is a stage, while in the hall itself there are several round standing tables and in the middle is the dance floor. The chandeliers, which are located on the ceiling of the hall and hang from it in different heights and sizes, sparkle splendidly. The left side of the wall is completely covered by red curtains, while on the other side stairs lead to the upper grandstand. Suzaku wears his uniform, while Estelle is dressed in a long, purple and white ball gown.

“The opening ceremony will start shortly with a speech by Prince Schneizel. I'll get us a drink beforehand,” Suzaku says with a gentle smile to his pretty escort, as he joins the line of the champagne bar ten meters further and leaves Estelle alone. She is happy to be here with him and has put on a lost smile when she looks at him.

As Suzaku waits for his turn, a familiar face suddenly comes towards him.  
"Cécile?"  
"Suzaku?" Both react in surprise at the same time.  
"What ... um ... are you doing here ...?" Suzaku asks uncertainly.  
"Oh I ... think I am attending for the same reason as you, Suzaku...," She blushed with a smile.  
Suzaku is embarrassed at least since now, "With whom ... are you here ...?," he still wants to know.

He wouldn't have expected Cécile to attend. Among other things, because she had to be here with someone who had received an invitation because she, as an employee in the technical department, did not get any. He also thought it was completely impossible that she was here with Lloyd, who was certainly invited as an earl.

"Well ... I am the escort of ...", she blushes and points with embarrassed eyes towards the stage.  
"Wa ...- Prince Schneizel?!," Suzaku is surprised. He does not yet know whether positive or negative.

In the meantime, Estelle, who has stood a little apart from the masses to wait for Suzaku, also gets company. By the last person she wanted to meet here: Lord Bradley. She hopes that he doesn't recognize her and tries to turn away inconspicuously, but unsuccessfully.

"Well, what do you say,...! You have been able to convince your lord to be his escort! And now it seems like he left you alone. Did he realize that he is not wanted here as a miserable Eleven he is?!” Luciano has a nasty grin on his face, next to him three women who are devoted to him and are dressed very lewdly. Estelle has to be careful not showing him her true temper. Instead, she pulls her eyebrows down and puts on an angry look.

Before Cécile wants to go on with her glass of champagne in her hand, she turns to Suzaku again by walking close to him,  
"Suzaku ... you shouldn't leave Estelle here alone …," she warns him. He realizes what she means, startled, since this is not an ordinary party and other intentions are pursued here. He frantically says goodbye to Cécile in order to look for his escort again with the two champagne glasses in his hands.

"Ahahaha! I like you! I think I'll incorporate you in my harem for the evening!,” Luciano's reaction follows to her angry look.

Estelle is now scared of his words because she knows that he is serious. What sort of a racist, misanthropic bastard is he?!  
"Suzaku, where are you ... help me!," she pleads internally because she doesn't know how to escape the situation.

The moment Luciano wants to grab her arm, Suzaku suddenly intervenes, the glasses in one hand, so that he can grab Estelle's hand with the other and quickly pull her towards him. He hands the champagne glass to Estelle and, with a scowl, now devotes his attention to Luciano, who is a little surprised at Suzaku's sudden appearance.

"Kururugi! Haven't you been taught to leave your harem never alone here? - Oh no, you hadn't, because you don't have any. After all, your knight is the only one who stands by your side - you shouldn't let go of her anymore, otherwise it would be sad, then we wouldn't even meet at these events! Hahaha!” He has a superior grin on his face and laughs derogantly while Estelle stands as close as possible to Suzaku and holds his hand.

“My knight is on my side because she trusts me, not because I make her do it. Unlike you, Luciano. After all, your harem of women would never be here with you voluntarily. So you wouldn't even have a single escort by your side!,“ Suzaku counters with a dark expression. This makes Luciano grin and his eyes darken as well. Before he turns away from Suzaku and wants to disappear, he leans over to him and replies angrily,

“Control is power. By trust ... you won’t win a war!”

When he then runs past him and Estelle, followed by his three escorts, his words still echo in Suzaku's ears, who looks at him with disgust and unacceptability. Then he turns to Estelle,  
"Are you all right, Estelle? …," he asks with a hint of guilt that he left her alone.

"You are with me now ... so everything is fine, my lord," she looks at him and smiles, whereupon he also smiles in relief.

Suddenly the loudspeakers sound and the duo's attention is on the stage when Prince Schneizel begins the opening speech. During the speech, both drink their sparkling wine and Estelle senses a few gazes at her, which makes her uncomfortable. She is also astonished by the dress code, which she notices by closer looking at the other guests. While some women attend the event in classic ball gowns, some of them are also dressed very lewdly. You can find everything from playful, short dresses with a low neckline to skirts with knee-high suspenders.

In contrast, the male wardrobe is less varied; all wear types of suits, but in different styles. She notices that Suzaku and Luciano are pretty much the only ones who appeared in their uniforms, if she is able to tell about. It feels like her body is being analyzed from head to toe, even though she is dressed very covered.

Her thoughts go through her head like,  
"Are they all as crazy as this Lord Bradley?! Am I surrounded by high-level perverts who only want to demonstrate their status by competing to see who has the greatest harem...?!,” Estelle is losing faith in the Britannian system.  
Her nervousness and the supposed reasons for it cannot be overseen by Suzaku. This is his first time at an event of this kind, but none of this surprises him.

After the speech, the festivity is officially declared open and atmospheric music fills the hall and thus the dance floors. The empty glasses have both already been placed on a servant's tray and no sooner has the ball started than Suzaku gives his knight a short kiss:

"Don't focus on those who are staring at you, focus on me, Estelle. Try to hide the rest,” Suzaku wants to give her a positive feeling.

She nods hesitantly, "Yes ... my Lord".  
"Then come! Let's dance!” He walks towards the dance floor with Estelle by the hand, not letting go of her. However, before they reach their destination, a familiar voice stops them.

"Suzaku! ... and Estelle! You really appeared!” Gino stands in front of them with a big grin.

"Gino ... could we postpone that to when else?! We just wanted to go to the dance floor,” Suzaku says, slightly annoyed.  
In the meantime, however, Estelle has to smile involuntarily, because Gino might be a womanizer, but at least he only had one escort in mind at the same time, as she has to determine on his left - which did not seem to be the standard here. Gino notices her relieved look and just smiles,

"Well then, I just wanted to wish you a lot of fun for tonight!" Before he completely turns away from them, he adds,  
"Maybe that will cheer you up a little and make you less uptight, Suzaku!"  
Suzaku rolls her eyes as he turns away and pulls Estelle the other way.

Once on the dance floor, Suzaku takes her with one hand on the opposite and puts his other arm around her waist.  
"My Lord ... Suzaku ... I um ... have to admit that I am out of practice with dancing …," Estelle has to admit a little ashamed.  
"Don't worry my dearest, just let me guide you!" He smiles and they start dancing to the _Bittersweet Symphony_ song, which is very consistent with the festive atmosphere. At the beginning, their movements are a little ungainly, but from step to step they become more graceful, both start to have fun and are able to hide everything around them. Estelle feels like his princess and is extremely happy.

At the end of the dance, Suzaku puts his hand on her cheek and kisses her passionately. She closes her eyes and enjoys the kiss. For a brief moment, Suzaku can take all his worries away and feels happy. The two slowly separate from each other, standing in the middle of the dance floor heavily breathing and looking into each other's eyes.  
Suddenly they notice that they are the only ones on the dance floor and are stared at.

"My Lord ...!" Estelle suddenly feels uncomfortable to be in focus with him; people have gathered behind the dance floor. Suzaku slowly realizes what is going on and says hunched over to Estelle:

"I don't think the attention wasn't originally paid to us..."

He points to the stage in front of them with his eyes. There is Schneizel, who has stripped off his coat and is now presenting himself in a white and gold, sleeveless top, to his left Canon Maldini and to his right ... Cécile Croomy.

Before Suzaku and Estelle can mingle with the others, Schneizel speaks up: “Dear Sir or Madam,” when he begins to speak, all eyes finally turn away from the two and onto the stage.  
"After this short mixer, we now start with the main act - Oh, what a pun!", Schneizel remarked and laughed. "Sorry, I didn't prepare a speech this time, since you should all be familiar with the rules of the game! Well, at least I thought so, because we can welcome two newcomers today!"

The headlights catch the two just before they can escape the dance floor, whereupon both abruptly stop and turn back to the stage in resignation. Suzaku's gaze changes the moment they are caught and he thinks,  
"One reason why I wasn't interested in the whole thing". Estelle stands next to him, holding him firmly by the hand. On the one hand she feels uncomfortable in the situation and on the other hand she didn't really understand what Schneizel wanted to allude to with the "main act" and what he now meant by "rules of the game" and is therefore astonished.

"I would like a short round of applause for our Knight of Seven: Suzaku Kururugi and his knight ... - what was her name again?" Cécile leans over to him and whispers it in his ear.  
"Estelle Ashford!," he finishes his sentence and starts clapping, Cécile and Kanon do the same, followed shortly after by the majority of the visitors.

Estelle would like to be happy about this applause, but she quickly realizes that is only applauded to show decorum. Suzaku treats the whole spectacle as humiliating; he had expected something like this to happen.  
Cécile feels sorry for Suzaku because she can understand how he feels about it.

"And now, let's all have some fun! And ... concerning the rules of the game for our newcomers ... learning by doing is the motto!"

When he has finished speaking, the huge red curtains on the left wall of the room open and instead of a wall or windows, another section of the room with sofas, other beds, tables, chairs and even poles, appears.  
While most of the people, with a grin, start moving to find a place, Estelle is astonished and shocked at the happenings. Suzaku stands next to her, reading her expression,

"To be honest, I was more astonished that the whole thing had such a serious festive start. Somehow it actually builds up the mood."

Estelle turns her head even more shocked to Suzaku, "Did ... did you know about this?!"

He is now surprised by this question and answers, “Of course I knew about it! Everyone here knows Schneizel's parties! Wait ... you ... didn't know about it ...?!,“ he now states.

Estelle is in her thoughts and something becomes clear to her,  
"Now the conversation with Gino makes sense ... he asked me out of the blue if I would sleep with Suzaku ... because I wanted to be his escort! And ... he was probably also interested in sleeping with me …" Estelle isn't very enthusiastic about this thought; she would have flashed him off if she had known. She is inwardly desperate about the coherences that are now becoming clear to her.

Suzaku notices her being lost in thought and then asks her,  
"Do you want to leave the event ... Estelle, my knight?"

He looks her in the eye and expects an honest answer.  
"Suzaku ... my lord ... I ..." She would have liked to answer the question in the affirmative and would have rushed towards the exit, but the memory of her promise to trust him and her real aim to have fun with Suzaku again, keeps her from doing so. She wanted to make him the person he once have been.

"No, my lord. I will not leave your side unless ... it is your wish ... Suzaku"

He hoped to hear these words deep down. Before answering, he looks searchingly around the room. The middle is now empty, including the dance floor, on which only both of them are standing; however, the lying and seating areas are well filled. There would also be the grandstand, which is also not a suitably quiet, protected place. Finally he lets his gaze wander over the ceiling.

"Then we will leave the event together!"

A gentle smile flits across his lips. Estelle is incredibly relieved and surprised, she would not have expected this from him, especially since she was sure that he would have been interested in. Perhaps he was only interested in the evidence of trust she had just given. Maybe that was enough for him and he would therefore give up his own wish.

But as they walk hand-in-hand through the gigantic hall towards the exit, an all too well-known person stands in their way:

"You want to leave already?!"  
Luciano stands in front of them with a malicious grin; the two then stop.

"Get out of the way, Luciano! Don't you have anything that makes you happier?! For instance, isn't your harem waiting for you?!” Suzaku's face is dark.  
Luciano grins: "Hehehe ... oh, Kururugi! There is hardly anything better for me than enjoying the weaknesses of an Eleven like you! My harem can wait a little longer!”  
Estelle also notes that Suzaku is struggling to hold back his anger.  
"If you mean the weakness, that I restrain myself in provocative situations, I wouldn't play it by ear unless you want to feel my foot in your face!"

Luciano's gaze darkens and yet he grins maliciously, "Provocative? You know what's really provocative?!”  
Suzaku and Estelle now both have an annoyed look at him.  
"Your knight treats you much more as her lover than her lord and you let her control you. You are really disgraced by a Knight of Round! You're talking about mutual trust ... but the only one who trusts is you! Ahahahaha!"

Suzaku is now seething with rage. He can hardly believe that Luciano's last words hit him so badly and he let himself be provoked to want proving the opposite to this condescending gigolo.

"Well, Luciano …," he says, a confident grin on his face.  
"So you think she'll control me and doesn't trust me?! Then you will have to convince yourself otherwise!"

Troubled, Estelle wonders what Suzaku is up to with her and whether it was a good idea to respond to his provocation. She has to think of the Suzaku she wanted to spend her first time with and then suddenly Lelouch returned earlier than planned. Neither wanted to give in, and she felt used by Suzaku as the object being in the thick of things. She had already learned that regardless of the feelings of those involved, he put his victory first in such power plays. This situation was not much different now.

"Hahaha! Now it's starting to get interesting! And to make it even more interesting, let me make a request for proof of trust!” Luciano now feels even more great. Estelle gives Luciano a disgusted yet black look, hoping Suzaku would do the same and turned his back on Luciano. But instead ...

"Name me your insistence!"

As Luciano's corners of his mouth move up again, Estelle is frozen by Suzaku's words. Ordinarily, she would have refused whatever came next and slapped Suzaku in the face to use her this way for his own sake, just so that he could get the 'victory'. But she knew that was not the main reason; he was doing it not only to prove something to Lord Bradley ... but to prove it to himself. Prove that she trusted him. And that made it so complicated and hopeless for Estelle, because that was the pretext she used to tell him to attend this festivity together.

"Oh, that's how I like it! ... Well then ... I want your knight to undress here and now and to do what this party is meant for - she shall get fucked by you,” he insists, his last sentence is spoken with emphasis and a serious expression.

Suzaku isn't surprised at the condition and grins maliciously before saying, “Estelle! You heard him. Take off your clothes!” He lets go of her hand.

A struggle is raging in Estelle; she doesn't know if she can trust her lord, even if she wanted to, so much. Luciano's request is pretty much the worst she would have expected, but now Suzaku - her lord, whom she is supposed to trust – is still keeping a straight face. As if he didn't care about her. As if his chief concern was just about having control over her. As if he wanted control over her because he wanted to prove to himself that he actually had it. And then a guy like Luciano should also watch it ...

A certain emptiness begins to spread in her eyes. She realizes that she is deprived of her will because she has no choice but to cooperate. If she stood up against Suzaku, it would not only mean a breach of trust - it probably wouldn't even come to that, because this curse previously forced her to do what Suzaku wanted.

Suzaku and Luciano's eyes are on her. Half accepting her fate, she unfastens the corset of her dress so that it falls to the floor in one piece. She then slips off her shoes to be able to move better. When she wants to open her bra after removing her gloves, Suzaku speaks,

"That's enough, Estelle."

He turns back to Luciano, "You see, she trusts me!" His glance is dark.  
"Oh how nice! But she still hasn't fulfilled the demand!"  
"Neither will she. Because knowing that she would have done it is the proof of trust. Do you really think I'll give you this satisfaction and let you be part of it?!” Suzaku grins darkly now.  
Estelle, who immediately stopped undressing, has a weight off her mind. Not only because she isn't forced to do it, but because she has actually regained some trust in Suzaku.

Luciano still has a malicious grin on his face after his failed request, "Congratulations, Kururugi! Control is the first step in being a not so pitiful lord ... after all, she didn't trust you ... you showed her that you control her!"

"No, I'm not like you, Luciano! And never will be! I don't want to control her! She made the decision herself!” Suzaku is determined not to have done anything wrong and is clearly angry.

"You are so blinded by your glossed over morality that you don't even realize that your actions contradict each other. Everyone knows that the difference between control and trust is that the latter is mutual.”

The fire blazes visibly in Suzaku, “You are the blind one here, Luciano! Your only concern is to be a hero; by killing as many as possible in the war!"

Luciano, however, just has to grin while shaking his head,  
“That's right. And what's about you? - You joined the military so that as few as possible people have to die - Oh, one look at the killscore shows that you are the one responsible for most of the victims ... well, too bad. Your goal is to be a hero by saving as many as possible! The worst thing is that you don't even recognize the double standards. You're the most miserable hypocrite I've ever met, Kururugi!"

Suzaku denies everything inside his head.  
"I know you just want to manipulate me. But I won't let that happen!”  
He grabs Estelle's hand, who is surprised by his sudden touch.  
"Estelle, come with me!" When he wants to drag her along, you can hear Luciano  
shouting after them, "Do you know why he chose his lord uniform for the evening, Estelle?! - Because it should remind you that he is your lord and you have to follow his orders! No wonder, after all, nobody does that in real life! Hahaha!"

A lot is going on in Estelle. She knows that Luciano is right on many points and she is just now realizing that. However, she refuses to believe that Suzaku should seek control. She hopes he thought she was only following his request to undress because she knew he was going to stop her. And she practically only played along to wipe out Luciano.

With Estelle in tow, who immediately jumps over her stripped dress, both storm towards the exit.  
"What a failure he is," Luciano thinks. To his and Estelle's surprise, however, Suzaku suddenly runs to the left with her and up the stairs to the stands. Once at the top, he jumps on the railing, his knight follows him without any time to think about. From there he asks her to jump on the hanging lights with him and then swing together from one to the other until they reach the gigantic chandelier in the middle of the room and, completely surrounded by several rows of candle-shaped lamps, disappear completely.

Luciano, who has observed this acrobatics, thinks before turning to other things,  
"I hope the lamp doesn't blind his mind even more."

With Suzaku, Estelle is now on the inner platform of the chandelier. Its diameter is about a body length and thus offers plenty of space for ... whatever her lord is up to.

"Suzaku ... my lord! Why ... didn't we go to the exit ...?,“ she asks hesitantly and in wonder.

Estelle doesn't know what to do now; after the events she just lost the desire to have fun with him.  
The dance had been so beautiful. For a brief moment he was himself again. But now ... everything is worse for Estelle. She doubts that she can bring old Suzaku - her Suzaku - to appear again.

"Don't worry, Estelle! Nobody sees us here, not even the headlights can catch us up here! And Luciano will certainly not stop by spontaneously!” Suzaku smiles now, but his smile looks fake. By gently pushing her to the ground, he is giving her the sign that she should sit down. Then he goes down to her and kneels in front of her.

"I'm sorry, Estelle ... I'm sorry that Luciano is such an ass! Let's enjoy the rest of the evening, okay?,” he tries to cheer her up.

She nods apathetically. When he kisses her neck cravingly, Estelle notices the sizable bulge in his pants. How long was it there? Certainly not just now! She is becoming more and more aware that Luciano was right. Suzaku was really about control. He enjoyed it when she followed his instructions, which was the whole point of the alleged trust. It excited him when he knew he had power over her, over her will. It had nothing to do with trust anymore. With this realization, a tear drips silently from Estelle's eyes.

While he is sucking on her neck, he opens her bra with one hand and uses the other to get under the fabric of her panties. Then, when he kisses her on the lips, he notices that something is wrong with her after he has parted from her mouth.

"What's the trouble, Estelle?," he asks in a slightly worried voice.

"I'm ... not in the mood, Suzaku ..." She dodges his eyes.

"That .. can be changed!," he is unwilling to cancel now and wants to change his knight's mind.

He holds her face with one hand so he can look her in the eye while the other hand caresses her in her most intimate place.  
She wants nothing more than to be able to escape him and this whole situation when she is forced to look him in the eye. She tries not to show any emotions and not to indulge in his touch.

"Estelle ... why are you suppressing your desire? I feel how hard you are trying not to give in to me. In the past, you were always open to an adventure of this kind!?," he asks in a serious voice, disappointed inside and immediately adds, "Or is it because of what Luciano said? Do you believe his words?!”.

He is horrified by the realization that Estelle's reaction is only a sad look and silence, which is a confirmation. Both hands rest on her shoulders and as he looks into her eyes, he appeals to her,  
“He just wants to harm us! Don't let such a bastard confuse you!"  
"Suzaku ... ". Estelle puts a hand on his chest and looks at him willingly,  
“I know. He wants to harm us. With the bitter truth!”  
Estelle quickly stands up to free himself from his hands and takes a step back from Suzaku.

"Does that mean you decided against me - your lord -?," He asks calmly, but angry inside, after he got up and took a step closer to Estelle, who was already at the edge of the platform and isn't able to recede any further.

"Suzaku ... I would like to leave now ..."

Estelle is scared that, if she opposes him, it could lead to obey his will and cause memory gaps again and so he would have full control over her.  
"Estelle ... do you seriously believe that I don't care about your wellbeing? Do you think I should have let you go as far as Luciano asked?,” he asks seriously, disappointed and incredulous.

"You don't understand anything like you don't even understand yourself! He was right that you control me and that you are a hypocrite ... you make others believe that your intentions are noble, but your actions are guided by completely different motives. I didn't want to believe it ... I hoped you would change and become as I got to know you in the past! For this reason ... I have always stayed on your side ... "

Her eyes sparkle from the tears that are about to leave them. Suzaku's gaze is unreadable, his hair covering his eyes.  
Suddenly he pulls her towards him, grips the back of her head with the other hand and kisses her. Estelle doesn't fight back and meets his lips with wide eyes. When he separates from her again and his face is a few centimeters away from her, he replies,

"If you view me as this ... and I'm a hypocrite ... then we're even now." His voice sounds threatening.

He intimidates Estelle. He proves to her again that he is not only a master of repression ... but considers what he persuades himself as the truth. She had hoped to open his eyes, but her opinion doesn't mean anything to him. Instead, he now thinks she is a hypocrite, after saying that she wanted to show him her trust because she wanted the past self of him back. He had meant that with 'we're even'.

She tries to dodge him, escape his gaze and tries to move to the other end of the platform with a sudden movement, to jump on the lamp again and swing away. However, her plan fails, because of Suzakus' extremely good reflexes he catches her and holds her at her arm. He pulls her towards him and looks her in the eye with a serious look,

"You won't go alone!," he orders her.

Estelle appears calm on the outside, while on the inside she feels fear. She cannot assess his future actions. His mind was not working logically, so his actions could also contradict his morals. Which made him unpredictable and scary, because if he wanted he could hurt her. She wouldn't have a chance to oppose him.

"Trust is about mutual interest, Suzaku ... if you really want to stay true to your morals ... you let me off now. Not to prove something to me ... but to yourself ... ,“ Estelle speaks with the last hope to chasten him.

He keeps holding her. There's silence.  
Estelle does not dare to breathe, her eyes focused on nothing and praying silently, that he should let her off.

His gaze suddenly changes from a dark one to a blank one.

He lets her off.

Estelle sighs with relief. While Suzaku looks apathetically, Estelle quickly puts on her bra, walks past him and disappears - only dressed in underwear - from the room as quickly as she can. Her dress remains lying in the middle of the floor regardless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reason I write an OC in this story is because of the plot possibilities. I want to highlight Suzaku's dark side by pairing him with my OC. (With canon characters, this form of relationship isn't plausible possible because the relationships are different; and I don't want canon characters to get OOC). 
> 
> **Since Suzaku has never had control over his life so far** , it doesn't seem unreasonable to me if certain triggers awaken the unconscious inner desire for control in him. He has been a hypocrite in canon from the start, restraining and suppressing his own interests. Therefore, these could have an effect of extremer forms at some point at his mental state. He convinced himself that he hadn't done anything wrong. Suzaku is also a master of repression in canon. (And Cécile knows that). He doesn't live up to his self-imposed moral values. I like to portray that fact (and the other different relationships he is involved (later)).
> 
> >> _She has to think of the Suzaku she wanted to spend her first time with and then suddenly Lelouch returned earlier than planned._ <<  
> This scene will be in a flashback in a future chapter. It didn't go as one might think XD.


	6. The lesson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> < **> Suzaku transfers his knight at her own request and teaches her a lesson. When he's desperate, Cécile comforts him. Estelle is scared of the situation Suzaku dragged her in.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains attempted rape.  
> Contains (consensual) smut.  
> 4.8k words.

##  The lesson

After testing the new components for the Lancelot and Suzakus unit, he and Ledo land in the hangar. They get out of their Knightmare Frames while Lloyd eagerly evaluates the test results. When they arrive at the upper plateau, Cecile comes towards them.

"Suzaku, Ledo!" They stop, Cécile in front of them.

"Cécile, what is it? Ledo and I just wanted to train."

While he speaks, not interested in a conversation, he wants to go on but is stopped by her,

"Suzaku ... can I talk to you ...? It's about Estelle. ,” she sounds depressed.

He already thought that he would be asked about it and would actually rather avoid it, but Cécile wouldn't simply let it go, he knew from past events. She was just interested in his well-being and apparently now also in that of his knight. He valued her very much for it; Cécile had become his only caregiver since he started working with her. Her caring nature and the fact that she was a few years older than him made him feel safe. But even if she was the person he trusted the most, he wanted to avoid her now so as not to be reminded of what had happened.

"Ledo, please exercise alone today …," he says in a serious voice, but internally uncertain how he should feel about what is to come.

"Yes, my Lord!" Ledo does as ordered by his Lord and says goodbye. He would have loved to know what Estelle was all about. And because it was also about his lord himself. He sensed that, because otherwise the matter with his knight would not be so uncomfortable for Suzaku in Ledo's presence.

Cécile leads Suzaku to the next room. Inside is an examination room and both sit on the bedside.

"Suzaku ... what happened between you and Estelle yesterday? I haven't seen her all day ... so where is she?" She sounds concerned.

Suzaku takes a deep breath. Cécile is certainly not enthusiastic about his action regarding Estelle when she learns about it. But still, he had to tell her, for better or worse, she would find out anyway. So for better, she heard it from him personally.

"When we attended the party yesterday ... there were disagreements between us ..." When he says that, he has an angry look and clenches his hand on his lap into a fist. Cecile feels his anger clearly, but also another emotion - despair.

"She has proven that she doesn't trust me ... and all because of him!"

She is shocked at his words. After all, it had started so well between the two yesterday. All she had to do was think about their dance and the passionate kiss. At that moment she was almost jealous when she saw that it was Estelle who managed to win back the former Suzaku for a moment. On the other hand, she was happy because she was shown that there is someone who could possibly save Suzaku's soul. So how could it went so far between him and Estelle?

"Because of whom, Suzaku?," she now insists to know.

"Luciano, the Knight of Ten! ... She believes his words more than mine. She wanted to prove to me that she trusted me in that evening."

Cecile is shocked. Not because he traded barbs with Luciano, but because she get a presentiment of Estelle's absence.

"Suzaku ... did you transfer Estelle?!," she panics.

The young lord closes his eyes briefly.

"Yes. She wanted to be transferred, so I fulfilled her wish,” he replies in a controlled manner, his anger in his voice is still clearly audible. Then Cécile jumps up in horror and stands in front of him.

"Suzaku!! You didn't hand her over to Lord Bradley, did you?!,” she asks hysterically. He thought that she would react like that and didn't want to discuss it with her because of that reason. He didn't want to have to disappoint Cecile.

Suzaku then lowers his head without emotion. Cecile's concern continues to grow.

"Is your silence an approval ...?," she asks, prepared for the worst, losing faith in Suzaku ... or rather, her lord.

After all, Luciano was the greatest bastard among the lords. He had no respect for his subordinates and let his harem fulfill every wish. If Suzaku had transferred Estelle to him, she would be forced to be part of it and certainly wouldn't be happy.

But that wasn't the only reason Cécile was worried. She didn't want to admit that Suzaku was capable of such an ignominy. Because by this act he would confirm that his mental state was at an underground level if he released his anger, his hatred and all his suppressed, hidden, negative feelings by off-loading them on his knight. This thought scared Cécile the most.

Then, after a short silence, Suzaku answers seriously and desperately at the same time:

"I ... toyed with the idea of transferring her to him."

Cécile is incredibly relieved that in the end he didn't do it and pulls him into an embrace by leaning down and pressing his head to her chest.

"You did the right thing, Suzaku ... and now ... tell me where she is ..." She wants to calm him down because she feels how tense he is suddenly and how much this situation seems to hurt him internally.

"She ... is with Gino …," he finally says desperately. He can no longer hide his feelings and starts crying.

Cecile smiles softly as she continues to hold him in her arms, sympathetic and comforting. So Suzaku had realized that it would have been wrong to transfer her to Luciano and now felt remorse for considering it. Because why else was he so desperate? Cécile knew that Estelle must have had a romantic interest in Suzaku, but also that Suzaku wasn't romantically interested in her. After losing Euphie, he was no longer able to love anyone.

Cécile was reminded of this fact often enough. It deeply depressed her. Although she would never confess her feelings to him, knowing that this would only end in rejection, she still wanted back the happy boy she got to know. Even if there can't be a common future for both.

Estelle's decision hurt Suzaku more than he wanted to admit to himself. Not because she would be gone now, but because she believed this bastard Luciano and put his intentions on a par with his. She had accused Suzaku of being a hypocrite and that he was just trying to convince himself of his moral values. What really hurt him, however, was the doubts that arose in him. What if she was right? And he really wasn't a good person?

Those were the thoughts he didn't want to harbor because he was afraid of thinking too much, that everything he blamed himself for would overpower his psyche again.

They pause for a while until Cécile loosens her grip to see his face.

He looks up and looks at her with tearful eyes, desperately and frantically. Thereupon she bends down to him and at the same time he gets involved in an intimate kiss. A little later, she parts with him and then bends over him after having given him the signal to lie on his back after the kiss. She is pleased and smiles softly when she realizes that her intention to comfort him works and that he relaxes under her touch. She kisses him on the neck while slowly opening the zipper of his pilot suit and at the same time removing her clothes with her other hand.

Suzaku looks at her graceful movements and body. Since he trusted Cécile completely, he was content to take the position below her and let her determine the pace and rhythm. When she has completely opened the zipper, she immediately releases his member, which is already semi-erected. She smiles and strokes him with one hand. He has to groan as she massages his cock to full size. Suddenly she stops and holds him to place over him, her legs to the left and right of his hip.

Suzaku feels relieved when she sits on his dick and starts moving up and down. He gives himself completely to her movements and observes her female body and her shapely breasts, which bounce up and down over him. She senses that she isn't the only one, who is getting closer to her climax and sits on him after a last thrust to have his cock completely in her when he releases his seed. After this has happened, they both gasp violently until after a while they calm down again.

"Cécile ... thank you ...!," Suzaku says gaspingly, still excited about this feeling.

"Your welcome... after all, it's my job to make sure that you enjoy the best of health," she says gently with a caring look. However, she herself knows that she can never cure him completely, if anyone should ever be able to. Suzaku straightens up a little while Cecile is still sitting on him.

"So ... you and Schneizel, huh?," he changes the subject. He himself is somewhat undecided how to think about it. He wouldn't call it jealousy, but he didn't want to lose Cecile's affection for him. After all, she was the only one he trusted so much during their intimacies.

Cécile is uncomfortable talking about it in this situation and she blushes,

"Yeah ... that ... at his party ... sorry I didn't tell you about it, Suzaku."

He then smiles softly, "That's okay ... you must have been surprised when you saw me there, too. I was also there when he flirted with you a while ago. So actually this progress isn't that surprising when I think about it like this.” She breathes a sigh of relief.

"I'm glad. You know ... I didn't think you would actually show up at such an event. You haven't cared for them yet. What has changed your opinion?,“ Cécile wants to know confused.

Suzaku recalls himself before answering,

"I ... just didn't want my knight to accompany Gino to the party. Not because it was specifically Gino, but ... because she was subordinate to me."

"So... you didn't want to cast you in a negative light...?!", Cécile concludes questioningly.

Suzaku dodges her eyes thoughtfully. He wanted to make use of the opportunity to convince himself of Estelle's trust in him. Trust, which she now regarded as control ...

"Yes exactly. I ... didn't want to be mocked by Luciano anymore …," he claims instead.

Cécile realizes that there is an inner despair in his words and wonders what may be going on in Suzaku. Then she also lowers her eyes thoughtfully.

"So... um, Cécile ... I assume your relationship is just physical, like ours? Because if not ... I don't want to be between you two ... ", Suzaku interrupts her thoughts, not taken with this idea.

"Yes, and there will never be more. You don't have to worry ...," she says with a gentle smile, but also a little bit desperate. Not because she wanted it to become serious between her and Schneizel, but because it's Suzaku that she really wants to be with.

When she gets up and both get dressed again, Suzaku suddenly asks,

"Cécile ... Estelle thought she would meet someone else when she came to work with me. She called me a hypocrite ... Do you think ... this of me, too?” His eyes are serious, while he feels despair inside.

Cécile is surprised at his concern, but increasingly understands what exactly the conflict between him and Estelle must have been about. Cécile had already had some insight into Suzaku's mental state through what she had to experience so far. She knew there was more to his actions than he disclosed. Even he was closed to her in several ways. As a result, she couldn't regard Estelle's accusation as unjustified.

"Suzaku ... you know my thoughts ... I'm worried about you …," she evades the question.

He heads for the door, and before disappearing through it, he turns to Cécile one last time, “You don't have to. I have the situation under control. Don't worry about me ... or Estelle ... "

While she looks after him questioningly, he leaves her alone in the room. What did he mean by having the situation under control?

He had lied to her. He had assured her that she didn't have to worry about his - now former - knight. That she shouldn't have to worry about his decisions. He had told her what she wanted to hear and let her comfort him. Comforting because of his decision, which also gave him remorse. He felt really bad now. He didn't want to lie to Cecile. But he couldn't help it ... he had to teach Estelle a lesson. And if he could harm Luciano at the same time, it was the perfect opportunity.

She came to him this morning and had asked for a transfer. She no longer wanted to be his knight. She had never expected him to actually do this to her. Transfer her to Lord Bradley. She was terrified until she was led out. Although Luciano was the least wanted by Suzaku, he knew that this was also his cancellation insurance, which Estelle would soon bring back to his service. And at the same time he wanted to show her that he wasn't the one she should despise. Suzaku wanted to show her that she was lucky to have him as her lord. Even if that meant he had to resort to such a measure.

It's already evening and Suzaku still hasn't heard anything from Estelle. He has been waiting all day for her to come and ask him to take her back to him. He was beginning to worry. In no way did he want to let it get too far between Estelle and Luciano. He just wanted to teach Estelle a psychological lesson, not a physical one on top of that. And besides that, that bastard Luciano shouldn't get what he wanted from her.

Suzaku is getting impatient. What if he's bottling her up? He had to do something.

When Estelle is done with her day's work, she wants to leave Lord Bradley's office, heading straight for the door. She wants nothing better than to get out of here as quickly as possible to escape from this whole situation before ... - Luciano suddenly appears in front of her and stops her plans.

"Are you going to leave, my knight?," he asks sarcastically with a malicious grin as he pulls her towards him.

Fear and despair spread through her. Under no circumstances does she want to fulfill his wishes and surrender to him. She had done that for Suzaku, too, but with a completely different motivation and after all they had an affair together beforehand. So it was nothing new and she knew that Suzaku would never have done anything physically to her ... even if it turned out that he loved to be in control and could also exercise it through her curse ... This knowledge, in turn, let it be a fly in the ointment.

And now it had actually gotten so far that Suzaku had transferred her to the worst lord here. In spite of everything that had happened between them the previous day, she never expected him to take revenge and pass her on like an object. She didn't want to have to surrender to a lord anymore. She wanted to be free without any kind of Lord-Knight relationship. The entire Britannian system was all crap anyway; According to her parents, she should have had a marriage of convenience. But ... what should she be able to do in this situation? ...

She keeps her eyes down, not looking at Luciano's grinning face, and asks in a monotone voice,

"What ... if I plan to leave because I don't want this at all..."

He then raises her chin so that she is forced to look him in the eye.

"Then ... I'll have to punish you ... and believe me, **that** is what you want even less!," he replies superior as he tears open her blouse and pushes Estelle on the wall, who panics and fights back by slamming her fist on his face. However, Luciano probably expected it. He catches her fist, holds both hands behind her back and pulls something hidden out of his uniform.

When he handcuffs her and looks at her with a hungry look, Estelle is rigid with shock.

"You cannot defend yourself against me, knight! You will now fulfill your duty and submit to your new lord! Hehehe!"

Luciano tears off the destroyed blouse and the service uniform above it, then slides a hand under her bra and grips the breast there.

Estelle's eyes narrow when she is exposed to his touch, pleading that it will soon be over. Now she could no longer defend herself and she had no choice but to endure the situation. A heavy fear came over her.

"Which cup size do you have? - Certainly not a bigger one than C. That's a little disappointing, I have to say,” he says when he starts massaging her breast.

She tries to breathe calmly and not to panic.

"Your underwear isn't what I consider lovely either. Didn't Kururugi tell you what to wear? Or did he want you not to wear anything beneath?!,“ he asks with a malicious grin as he slides her skirt down with the other hand.

But before he can reach into her panties with his hand, he is electrocuted, and he immediately hits the floor unconscious. Estelle, who still has her eyes closed, slowly opens them to realize what has just happened. Suzaku is in front of her, armed with a stun gun, while Luciano is lying motionless next to him.

"Estelle, he can't harm you any longer now. I'll open your handcuffs and then we quickly go away from here while he's still paralyzed."

He takes the key from Luciano's uniform pocket and removes the handcuffs from her bonds. In shock, her gaze is still focused on one point, as if this horror situation hadn't yet ended. Rigid with shock, she is unable to move and speak. Suzaku grabs her by the hand and pulls her towards the exit. Luciano wakes up just before they leave the office.

Still limited in his movements, he tries to pull himself up.

"Kururugi! ... you'll regret that ...!,“ he throws angrily after them, unable to pursue them.

Suzaku then turns his head to him briefly while walking, but then turns back to Estelle: “Let's get out of here as quickly as possible. You will be put back into my service immediately."

Estelle is still shocked by the whole situation and isn't mentally present. Both jets down the aisles until they get to Suzaku's room. He closes the door behind them and Estelle immediately falls around his neck crying. He then hugs her and is feeling good to have her with him again and to console her.

"All is well, Estelle ... you're safe now …," he says calmly, enjoying the hug and her sobs on his chest.

He lifts her up and carries her to his bed, where he gently places her. She has closed her eyes and is still crying. After covering her, he strips off and lies next to her in bed. She is turned to the other side of him. He turns to her and wraps his arms around her stomach. So he stays awake until her sobs calm down and she falls asleep. Then he opens the drawer of the adjacent bedside table. From this he grabs a medication to immediately fall asleep himself.

When Estelle wakes up the next morning, she feels two hands around her stomach. She is briefly thrown back into shock when she realizes what happened yesterday. She hears the regular breath of Suzaku behind her - so he's still sleeping. Again calmed by this knowledge, she tries to free herself from his embrace without him waking up. When she successfully gets out of bed, she sees Suzaku, who still seems to be sleeping according to his sound of breath.

Then suddenly she notices the pill box on his bedside table. She goes to the other side of the bed to take a closer look. So he takes sleeping pills again ... Then Estelle comes up with another thought that she gives in to. She goes into the bathroom and opens the mirror cabinet. To her astonishment, she discovers even more medication there. All against mental illnesses - from depression to sedatives. Compassion spreads through her; she didn't know how bad Suzaku's mental state actually had to be if he took them regularly.

She had hoped that the happy time he had spent with Euphemia would have made him get away from it, but it had gotten worse since her death, as she was startled to realize. That was probably a reason why Suzaku left or ordered her to leave after they had slept together. He always sent her away before going to sleep. He hadn't wanted her to know about it. That he takes such strong and much medication.

She closes the closet door and takes a large towel to cover her almost naked body before trying to get into her room. "Wait, Estelle!," is it called from the bedroom as she is about to leave it.

Damn, Suzaku woke up. What should she do now? After all he had done to her, she would surely not thank him for saving him yesterday. Especially since this was only a means to show her what an honorable lord he was. He wanted it to happen this way - to comfort her and come back in his service, afterwards. That hypocrite.

Suzaku jumps up and when she turns and wants to go out, he calls after her while he's on her way to her,

"Don't leave without me! Luciano could be ambushing you and I don't want him to do anything to harm you!,” Suzaku sounds concerned.

She then stops. She desperately has to admit that he may be right. He is relieved when she abandons her plan to disappear alone. He quickly puts on a shirt and jeans and slips into his long blue coat. Estelle watches him in amazement. She had never seen him here without his official uniform. Then she notices that today is finally Saturday and that he and she are not on duty. Nevertheless, it is so unusual for her to see him in everyday clothes again. That awakens old memories in her. Beautiful memories.

"All right, let's go," he says as he takes her by the hand and leaves the apartment with her.

In front of their door they meet - how else could it be - an apparently very angry Luciano.

"Kururugi! I hoped I would meet you here with this damned knight! What do you actually think of attacking me!?!,“ he grits his teeth in anger. Estelle is scared when she sees him and Suzaku stands protectively in front of her.

"Think of it as self-defense. You wanted to harm my knight!,” Suzaku also replies angrily.

"'Your' knight?! You deliberately transferred her to me so that I could teach her a lesson!"

Suzaku also bites his teeth. He had expected such an accusation, but the bad thing for him was that Luciano was right. He wanted it to be like this. Or at least that Estelle voluntarily returned to him.

"That's true, but I was hoping that she would return to me before anything physical could happen between you!," he replies honestly.

This isn't surprising for Estelle. What surprised her, is that he actually admits it. While still standing intimidated behind Suzaku, she has to admit with a desperate smile that this is quite a betterment in his behavior.

Luciano's eyes fall on Estelle with a malicious grin:

"You're going back to that treacherous scum to Lord instead of quitting duty?!"

He expects Estelle to decide against Suzaku as well and appeals for her knighthood to be terminated.

Estelle looks thoughtfully towards the floor. Suzaku turns his head to look at her, too. He is afraid that Estelle will actually decide against him and that Luciano will ultimately be victorious again. After all, she hadn't given him a direct decision, he had taken it over for her, but that didn't mean anything by contract.

Estelle was already aware of this option. She could work in another military department if she quit her chivalry. However, the bad reputation would accompany her forever in the Britannian system. It was a shame to break the oath of knighthood. Even if she was already in the service of an Eleven, which no one in her family approved, she would definitely not be able to look her parents in the eye anymore, who put a lot of emphasis on status and rank.

"I will stay with my rightful lord," she says seriously.

Suzaku is relieved, which you can see for a moment. Luciano's face, on the other hand, becomes dark and psychotic when he suddenly pulls out one of his throwing knives and throws it directly at Suzaku, closely followed by two other knives. However, the latter can intercept them with one hand through a nimble reflex by activating his life geass before they hit him. With the knives of Luciano in his hands, he faces the now unarmed Luciano. Suzaku gives him a threatening look and is ready to throw something more painful at him - the knives, for example - if Luciano doesn't immediately disappear. Thereupon he grinds his teeth and leaves the east wing.

Estelle is impressed by Suzaku's reflexes. For a moment she feared he would be hit; especially since the short distance made it almost impossible to intercept the projectiles in time.

"Thank you ... Suzaku …," Estelle says hesitantly and now wants to say goodbye to him when he follows her into the room.

"Could we talk a little longer...? … It is me who have to thank you. You stood by me, although I really didn't give you a reason for it... you could have decided to quit the knighthood…, " he says relieved, but with a sad look.

"I was considering doing this. However, that would mean that I would break my oath of knight and thus lose my honor in the eyes of society. Not that this whole Britannian system meant anything to me... but I couldn't express myself to my parents. Before that, they advised me not to serve an Eleven.”

She presses the towel she had wrapped her body in in his hand.

"I finally want to take a shower. Please leave me alone, Suzaku."

Feeling dirty from Luciano's touch, she turns away from Suzaku to head for the bathroom.

"Please wait, Estelle!" He calls after her. Then she stops.

"I think it is not a good idea to leave you alone in the near future ... Luciano could be lying in wait for you again ..."

She turns and promptly says, "Then guard the entrance."

He is a little sad that he shouldn't be the one who is with her and therefore takes care of her. She wants to turn away from him again when Suzaku speaks again.

"What can I do to be a better lord to you ...?" He actually sounds desperate.

Then she is a little surprised. Does he now want to show her what an understanding Lord he can be, in contrast to Luciano? Is that another trick? In any case, she knows her answer. After all, she didn't have much to lose anyway.

"We will no longer have a Lord-Knight relationship. I no longer want to have to sleep with you at your request,” she says firmly.

Suzaku is somewhat disappointed with her request; not, of course, because he didn't care about consensual sex, but because she obviously didn't enjoy it as much as he did when they slept together. He had hoped that she wanted it as much.

"That's okay," he says sadly, but understanding.

"Oh, and Suzaku ... I want to be part of the next deployment!," she adds.

He then smiles slightly, "I planned that anyway", and then leaves her realm. Yes, he had actually scheduled her for a mission. But... he wasn't sure that she would be thrilled to have been selected...

The warm, pleasant and cleansing water gently sprays onto Estelle's skin when she takes a shower and starts to wash thoroughly.

Suzaku got what he wanted. He teached her a lesson by tranferring her to Luciano and voluntarily going back to him. But the real winner wasn't Suzaku, even if he believed it. Estelle could now make demands, which he was willing to meet. No matter if he just wanted to prove something to her, the circumstances were advantageous for her.

Suzaku could continue showing her his hypocritical behavior. One thing he wouldn't get so quickly: her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the chapter might be dark at some point.  
> The next chapter will be more about Suzaku's despair, which follows because of what happened. It will be shown, how his relationship with Cecile started in a flashback.
> 
> My OC is suffering from Suzaku's decisions and although she was rescued by Suzaku (he meant it honestly, not planned), she is afraid of him and doesn't believe his excuse to be honest. That's why she takes the chance and requests not to be physically (and privately) connected any longer to Suzaku.
> 
> If I have the time I think I will draw one or two illustrations per chapter XD. Not sure, if I am comfortable enough to draw smut scenes ^^'


	7. Feelings of guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **When Estelle spends the night with Suzaku, she sneaks after him when he suddenly leaves the room. After telling Cécile about his worrying move, they decide to take other measures.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> contains smut.  
> contains suicidal behavior.  
> 5.3k words.

##  Feelings of guilt

It's been three days since the Luciano incident. Cécile is happy when Estelle reappears in her old place at work. Apparently Suzaku was able to convince her to work for him again. However, since then she had noticed a certain distance between the two. It looked like they were avoiding each other as much as possible. Did they really clear everything up? Perhaps they had also compromised and therefore their distance?

One evening Estelle stands in front of Suzaku's door. He is speechless when he sees her. Has she decided to become part of his private life again? Or what else should she want from him?

"Estelle ... I wasn't expecting you. Do you want to come in?,“ he asks hesitantly but happily inside.

"That's why I'm here," she replies anything but shy.

So did she mean to leave behind what had happened between them? She gave Suzaku hope and she liked that.

When she is in his room, she takes off her clothes so that she is only dressed in her underwear.

Suzaku watches her amused, "Should I undress, too ...?"

Estelle grins, thinking he would rise to the bait.

"If you want to sleep naked ...?!," she answers quick-witted.

He is surprised by her reaction and disappointed at the same time.

"So ... didn't you come here to sleep with me again ...?," he wants to clarify.

"Exactly. I am just here because I want to sleep next to you. Without intimacy. That's okay for my lord, isn't it?”

On the one hand, Estelle wants to test Suzaku. To test him, if he keeps his promise and is now a better lord to her.

The days when nothing had happened between them were not proof enough for her. After all, the temptation was too far away.

On the other hand, she wants to find out if and how much of his medication he takes before going to bed. So her desire to sleep next to him was the perfect excuse to get both out.

"Yes ... sure. I ... I never expected that you would even come near my bed again …" He is clearly disappointed and adds muttering," ... at least not that soon ..."

She has already made herself comfortable on the right half of the bed. Inwardly, she has to admit that she enjoys raising her Lord's silent hopes. He had done far worse to her.

Suzaku lies on the other side of the bed and turns off the light. Estelle lies turned in his direction, eyes closed and mumbles tired,

"Good night ... my lord."

After her good-night-wish, his gaze lingers on Estelle for a moment. A small light on the bedroom wall brightens the room a bit. When he then turns to the other side, his eyes are open. His face shows disappointment and despair.

Estelle isn't sleeping either. She lies awake in bed and waits for Suzaku to take his medication. At first it looks like she is already asleep since she doesn't see his face and he doesn't use his medication. But she decides to stay awake a little longer. Suddenly Suzaku moves. He sits up and pulls a medicine package out of the drawer. Holding the pill in his hand and staring at it, however, he ultimately puts it down instead of swallowing it. Estelle watches this and her eyes widen as he gets up from the bed and slips into his uniform.

When he leaves the room, Estelle jumps up, hastily puts on a coat and follows him unobtrusively. "Where does he want to go? At this time?! ... He has no secret operation to conduct or anything like that ... if he had been contacted, I would have noticed …,"she wonders.

Suzaku leaves his apartment. When he closes the door behind him, Estelle waits briefly until she quietly opens it again. She sees Suzaku walking straight down the aisle towards the tower. As he turns, she follows him from corner to corner to follow him unnoticed if he turns. Her lord begins climbing the long spiral staircase in the tower to get to the top.

Panic spreads in Estelle. What did he want in the tower at this time? Enjoying the beautiful night view ... - or ...? Once at the top, Estelle sees him on the windowsill of the open window of the tower, his gaze directed towards the sky. Fearing that he could jump at any moment, Estelle made a call, "Suzaku!"

He immediately feels a hand on his shoulder and sees his knight, who has a worried expression on her face, when he turns his head to the side. Then he silently turns back to the stars and sits on the windowsill, his legs hanging outwards. As he looks into the distance with an empty look, Estelle - still concerned and uncertain what he is going to do - joins him in silence. After a while Suzaku breaks the silence, his gaze still directed towards the starry night sky,

"You ... followed me …," he says, slightly desperate.

Estelle's reaction to this aren't words, she suddenly turns his head to kiss him. She is afraid for him. Afraid, he could harm himself. He is initially astonished by the unexpected kiss, but then responds to it and a passionate kiss arises. When they split up again, he smiles desperately.

"What ... did you want here at the time ...?" Estelle asks hesitantly.

"I couldn't sleep. Needed fresh air. Isn't that wonderful here? ... the view? “, He says with an absent look.

Estelle nods, but also absent. She continued to worry about him. She knew that his mental state wasn't the best. He'd always been on medication since she knew him, to get his mental state back to normal. But this behavior no longer seemed normal even to him. His mental state had clearly deteriorated so rapidly within a few days. She blamed the situation around her for this. She was no longer there for him ... so should she blame herself for it ...? Did that mean she had become an important factor in maintaining his mental health?

When they are standing in front of his room again, Estelle says goodbye to him. She hopes Suzaku will now swallow his pills and sleep.

She didn't want to let it come to any more, because she would only be his consolation and thus they would be caught again in this vicious circle, which she wanted to break. She had finally sworn that she would no longer participate in his dominance games in a Lord-Knight relationship. She would no longer submit to him.

The next day, Estelle searches Cécile to talk with her. She had to tell her about Suzaku's condition, maybe she knew more about it. After all, Cecile had worked with him since Estelle knew Suzaku. After her shift, she goes to Cecile's study, who is still working on her PC.

"Cecile? Could we have a chat? It's important, it has to do with Suzaku,” Estelle asks, knowing well that Cécile would probably work overtime beforehand if Estelle asked her for a time.

"...To do with Suzaku ...?!" As soon as she hears the name of her lord, she devotes herself entirely to his knight.

"Estelle, has something happened?," she asks in surprise and a little worried at the same time. After all, she had noticed in the past few days that Estelle and Suzaku no longer interacted except when they were forced to do so on business.

"I wanted to talk to you about this ... You have been working with him for a long time and take care of his health … a lot has happened between us in the past few days and ... his mental state seems to be getting worse. I don't know who else to turn to.” Estelle sounds desperate.

Cecile listens to her eagerly. She can already imagine what his knight meant by 'a lot had happened between them'. The incident at the party and the consequences of Suzaku transferring her to Gino. Cecile gets exhausted when she hears that Suzaku isn't feeling better. After all, now that everything between his knight and him seemed clear and she had come back to him, she had hoped that this would have a positive effect on his mental health.

"I am the right one to turn to. Thank you for coming, Suzaku's health is very important to me, you have to know,” she says, blushing slightly.

"Besides ... I'm glad you're back in Suzaku's service! He was really depressed when you wanted to be transferred."

For a brief moment, Estelle is amazed that Suzaku should have actually worried about her. Even if his decision to transfer her to Luciano said the exact opposite about him.

"Thank you …," Estelle then says quietly.

“At work, I haven't noticed any differences today compared to the last few weeks with him, but it's also not that we talked a lot. Has something happened?,” asks Cecile worriedly.

“I recently noticed that he was taking pills before going to bed. I ... didn't know that he had to swallow so many medications now... ," Estelle says with renewed desperate surprise.

Cécile then looks sad. Of course, she knew exactly what and how much he was prescribed.

"Well, you know ... since Euphemia's death and the failure of the Special Zone of Japan, his mental state has deteriorated massively. When he became the Knight of Seven, I hardly recognized him. That is why his psychologist prescribed different medications among other things for him after he was subjected to another psychological report,” Cécile explains.

Estelle then nods absentmindedly. In retrospect, this was by no means surprising to her. Suzaku had had to go through quite a bit before becoming Lord.

“I had to feel that by myself, that he had changed a lot. What ... was he prescribed - apart from the pills?" Estelle asks a little surprised. It would not have been more P.E..

Cecile did not expect Estelle to speak to her about it.

"After he fired his first personal knight, Schnee, he was recommended to counter his increasing dose of medication by hiring a personal knight instead, who provides him with regular sexual intercourse."

At one stroke, Estelle felt saddened in her assumption that he had only chosen her based on their shared past. So now she knew what role she should really play. The fact that this whole thing with the Lord-Knight relationship was ultimately recommended to him, and therefore it was not his own idea, was no real excuse for Estelle. Because the result remained the same. Suzaku ultimately used the system and privileges of his rank for his own benefit ...

Cécile notices Estelle's despair and asks something concerned, “Is something wrong? Is everything all right with your relationship with your Lord after what happened between you?”

"'Relationship' ... these Lord-Knight relationships aren't for me …,” it comes restrained angrily by Estelle. Cecile is astonished. Estelle must have known what would happen, if she accepted the job as personal knight?!

"... Well, I'm sorry to hear ... but that's not your decision...," Cécile reminds her carefully.

“That's why he decided to let me decide in the future. He felt guilty for what he did to me and now wants to be a better lord.”

Cécile is startled by Estelle's words.

"I can understand that you're angry with him after all of what happened after the party ... but ... does that mean you don't want to have a Lord-Knight relationship with him at all...?," Cécile sounds disappointed.

"I never wanted such a relationship ... to be honest I didn't know what I was getting into …," admits Estelle.

"You ... didn't know anything about it?! ... But ... why ... why do you have …," Cécile is such surprised, that her words are missing.

"I slept with him, because I was hoping it would be the same like before. HE would be like before …,“ she explains with a sad look.

"So ... do you love him and that's why you became his knight?," Cécile comes to her conclusion. Estelle blushes.

"I ... had definitely developed feelings for him. I missed him and wanted to know if it could advance in a romantic relationship, now, that he's single again ... I know I made mistakes. Back then I made friends with him to take advantage of him. I considered him inferior because of his origin. But he was courteous and nice to me, even though I was pretty mean. This made me realize that my parents are wrong and hate Elevens for no reason …,” she sighs wistfully. "Yes, I fell in love with him ... but when I admitted it, he was already Euphemia's boyfriend..."

"I see …," Cécile looks thoughtful.

"Cécile ... how ... has your relationship with him changed since her death...?," Estelle wants to know hesitantly.

"Actually... we still have the same relationship to each other. Except that Suzaku suffers mentally from the events and he has lost his laugh since then... ,“ Cécile says lost in thought.

"So you already had an affair back then ...?!," Estelle states.

Cécile seems somewhat ashamed of her conclusion. Had Suzaku told her about it, or was it just her guess?

"Yes ... I ... took care of him after a mission and ... something happened between us for the first time ..." Cécile evades her gaze.

Estelle then smiles weakly. At that time, she already knew that Suzaku was having an affair with his colleague when she tried to pick him up from work and came across hidden condoms.

"And since Suzaku has been the Knight of Seven, he has treated you ... while your intercourse no different at all?" Asks Estelle skeptically. How could it be that he no longer treated her the way he used to? Did his deteriorated mental state only affect her?

"I do not know what you mean. Could it be ... that he did something to you physically?,“ suddenly Cécile is surprised.

Estelle was unprepared for this direct question and she is astonished before desperately lowering her eyes,

"He likes to control me. To give me orders as my lord. He has this longing look that scares me. I feel that I am completely at his mercy ... in contrast to the past, he is no longer interested in my wishes. He takes me as if it were a matter of course for him, because I am his knight and therefore have to. "

Cécile is shocked by this news and her eyes become pitying.

“Suzaku has been through a lot. Perhaps you have triggered an inner desire in him that he cannot hold back while he is sleeping with you. I'm sorry for you that he treated you that way. Did you ... try to talk to him about it?"

"I ... tried to make him understand how he was treating me. But ... he only believes his truth. He thinks he hadn't done anything wrong …,” she says desperately as the horror at the party comes to her mind.

"I know that it also affects him mentally. Especially since he has a lot of psychological stress anyway …,” Cécile lowers her eyes thoughtfully.

"Yes, you're right... what I actually wanted to tell you ... I think Suzaku wanted to commit suicide last night," it comes now without warning from Estelle.

"What ?!" Cécile is startled.

"He didn't take his medication and then went up from the room to the tower. I followed him and sat on the windowsill with him. Fortunately, nothing happened to him,” explains Estelle.

".. Okay, that he doesn't take his medication is actually not typical of him ... what exactly happened when you came back from Gino's service?," Cécile asks insistently.

Gino? Had Cecile misunderstood something?

"I ... wasn't transferred to Lord Weinberg."

As soon as she said this sentence, horror spreads in Cécile. Suzaku had lied to her.

“He transferred me to Lord Bradley to teach me a lesson. When I was supposed to undress for him after my first day of service, Suzaku intervened at the last second and put me back in his service. Just to prove that Luciano is the ass and I can count myself lucky to have a lord like him,” she speaks the last sentence with increasing annoyance.

"Oh my god ... that ... I previously appealed to Suzaku's sanity not to do that ...! But ... he lied to me. Now I also know why he was so sure in the end that he would get you back. ” Cécile is visibly disappointed and hurt by him as the circumstances slowly become clear to her.

"Well, he's a hypocrite and a liar. And apparently highly suicidal, too,” Estelle summarizes resignedly. There is a short silence.

"So his mental state has really gotten worse ... we have to do something about it," Cécile says firmly.

"And what exactly to do now? Do you suggest that I sleep with him again to improve his mental well-being?!,”Estelle replies with sarcasm.

“Since he isn't authorized to use any kind of other drugs - including alcohol - to alleviate his suffering, this would be an effective method. However, if you no longer want to do that, we have to get him to do something with his friends again! Just like before,” Cécile reflects. Estelle likes this measure better.

"I have an idea! We could camp together on a desert island nearby this weekend! Suzaku, Ledo, you and myself together!,“ Estelle is suddenly enthusiastic about the proposal.

"It's a great idea! However ... you'd better take me out of planning,” Cécile says uncertainly.

"Cécile, you can't just think about work all the time! Lloyd can get along without you sometimes, and it's also a weekend. No argument, you are one of the people who are close to him!,“ Estelle wants to convince her.

She smiles and turns a little red.

"I'm ... I'm not your age ..." She is ashamed.

"Nobody is too old to have fun on the beach!"

"And how do we convince Suzaku ...?" Cécile asks. Estelle thinks for a moment.

"He should regard it as reparation for lying to you," Estelle says firmly. Cécile likes this idea because she thinks it could really work.

The next day, Cécile knocks on her lord's office door, who then asks her to come in. She steps in front of his office table with a determined look.

"Suzaku, I wanted to talk to you," she says as Suzaku tries to read her intention from her eyes.

"Cécile ... I told you, you don't have to worry about me," he says as he gets up and moves in front of her with a staring look.

"Estelle and I decided to go to the beach with you and Ledo at the weekend," she says with a gentle smile.

Then he is surprised. "You decide that without asking me first?" He doesn't look too enthusiastic. When he was at school, he would have happily agreed.

"Suzaku, you need distraction! I know what your current mental state is.” Cécile isn't intimidated by his dismissive attitude. So she knew what had happened last night between her and himself. Or ... did she know more, had Estelle told her everything that had happened between them?

He turns his head towards Cecile's ear and his gaze changes in a desperate one.

"Distraction ... sounds well …," he whispers seductively in her ear with a playful smile.

She realizes what he is referring to and demonstratively takes a step back before he can touch her with his lips.

Suzaku is surprised by her rejection. He can't remember that she ever let him down.

"You need a different kind of distraction. If you come along, you will like it. You are so caught up in your work, your inner mission and your feelings of guilt that you cannot judge for yourself what is good for you.” Cécile sounds convincing.

He didn't know how to help himself. After all, he couldn't even commit suicide because of the geass, that Lelouch had imposed on him. Nobody else knew that. Lelouch ... he owed this whole situation to him ... he made him mad, desperate, angry and he couldn't even escape his life by ending it himself. A volcano bubbled inside him when he thought of it.

"And you think ... you know me well enough to judge, Miss Cécile?" He has a serious look at her. Had Cecile's words triggered something in him?

She is briefly shocked by the change in his voice.

"Take it as reparation for lying to me. You transferred Estelle to Luciano. You owe me that. And you owe it her,”she says firmly.

For a moment there is astonishment on his face. So she knew about his lie. She was right, he owed it her and probably a lot more. She did so much for him, always treated him well, and was always concerned about his well-being. He himself couldn't understand that he asks that much of her. What would he do without her...

He remembers how it started between them. They were only work colleagues for weeks, with Cécile like to create dishes herself and Lloyd and he were their guinea pigs. The food usually tasted horrible, but since nobody wanted to reduce their own enthusiasm for her hobby, they took the bite in the bullet. She occasionally helped Suzaku with his homework that he sometimes did during his lunch break. She felt sorry for him because he was so young and was already risking his life for the Britiannian military as an honorary Britannian. How the first sexual experience between the two came about was based on a misunderstanding.

_Estelle and Suzaku had made an appointment on a Thursday evening when Lelouch was said to be in the chess club and they had the room to themselves. They both wanted to have a - in a way - new experience, since neither of them had ever slept with a person of another nationality. That was the main reason, especially for Estelle, and because she wanted to find out what he was doing with her. If he had cursed her, by kissing him unwillingly. She threw herself on Suzaku's bed, and he immediately climbed over her._

" _I hope we are really undisturbed here! We'd rather get down to business quickly,” Estelle said playfully._

" _As you wish, your highness!", Suzaku grinned as he stripped off his shirt._

_She liked what she saw over her. He supported himself with his forearms to the left and right of her head. He started to spread kisses on the back of her neck, which made Estelle gasp. She grinned contentedly with her eyes closed as he unbuttoned her blouse with one hand. Desire slowly pervaded his body. When was the last time he had bed someone? In any case, that was a while ago. After he got rid of her blouse and bra, he started caressing her breasts. A hand also went under her skirt and he could already feel his excitement. When suddenly his cell phone rang._

_Annoyed, he realized that the call was from work and had to interrupt the entanglement._

" _Suzaku, you're not going to answer the call now!" Estelle reacted angrily, wishing for physical contact when he held the cell phone in his hand._

" _Sorry, I have to answer...", Suzaku apologizes to her._

" _Cécile, what's the matter? - What!? - Zero ?! - I'm coming as quickly as I can!”_

_He frantically reached for his pilot suit to change._

_Estelle made a very angry face, "Was your 'I'm coming as quickly as I can' actually related to work ?! Suzaku you can't just cancel now !! "_

_She was excited and longed for her release. Why did he always want to please everyone? Couldn't he have looked after her and his semi-excited member for at least five more minutes ?! Wasn't it uncomfortable for him to leave the house right now?_

" _I'm sorry, Estelle, we have to put it off. Zero has struck again and an innocent could die every minute! ”_

_His bulge in his skin-tight pants was very uncomfortable for him, but he hoped that it would quickly disappear again before it was noticed. He reached for his coat, which he put on and hurried out._

_After the fight and the encounter between Zero and him, he did not get away completely unscathed and when he wanted to say goodbye to Cécile and Lloyd, he is instructed by her to have another health check carried out. He didn't like this idea very much because he felt that he was still, or again, a little excited. Damn, he must have been eagerly anticipated the date with Estelle too much. Also because it was something special for him, because they were friends and at the same time she had sexual interest in him. He had never had a girlfriend or that kind of affection before._

_When he lay down on the bed to be electronically scanned for injuries, he wanted to bolt before the evaluation was done. However, Cécile came into the room to examine his results and stopped him,_

" _Suzaku, you have to be patient for a moment to know your evaluation!"_

_Caught up, he sat back on the bed and waited impatiently, ashamedly hoping that Cecile would not notice his problem. While the analysis data was being transmitted, she came up to the young pilot and was wondering about his strange behavior._

" _You ... look so tense today ... are you in a hurry? Do you have any plans for today ...? “, She asked irritated and unsuspecting._

" _I ... am actually up to something," Suzaku lied ashamed, his eyes dodging hers._

_She hadn't noticed anything yet, so it was probably worth trying to escape this situation. He quickly got up to say goodbye, but Cécile held him._

" _Stay here, young man! You know, it is my job to make sure that our most important pilot is in the best of health!,” She says finally, determined to finish her work for today._

_She gently pushed him back onto the bed while Suzaku was already resigned to his impending fate._

_When she stood in front of him and looked at his results on her tablet, she was first of all reassured by the result. No internal injuries. However, she noticed something unusual in his condition diagnosis, whereupon she smiled sheepishly and looked up from the screen and looked at him ashamed to make sure by herself. He was very uncomfortable that she had apparently noticed it and looked embarrassed all the time with his head turned towards the floor._

_Suddenly Cécile broke the embarrassing silence:,"You ... um ... I guess you didn't have time to take care by yourself earlier today ..." It sounded more like a statement than a question._

_Suzaku, who then blushed even more, replied, not looking at her, "Actually ... I had no intention of taking care by myself ..."_

_What had he just said? Cecile was clearly surprised by his direct, honest statement. Had he just asked her to take care of him? In Cécile, his apparent request triggered a feeling of happiness. She wanted him, but she would never have dared to take the first step. Due to bad experiences, she plagued fear of loss due to possible rejection._

_She looked at him with her mouth open, hypnotized while she was thinking._

_Suzaku felt her surprised look on her. But what he felt then made him look up to her. She leaned down to hold his face in her hands and to kiss him on the lips. Then she parted from his lips again and went to her knees before him, looking at him with a smile._

" _Suzaku, I will gladly pursue your request!," She says with a touch of eroticism._

_Before he could ask himself what request she meant, he felt a hand stroke between his legs over his bulge. He then had to gasp and Cécile started to open the zipper of his pilot suit, which ended at his crotch, so that she could free his member without having to take it off completely. This feeling of being freed from the tight fabric was very relieving for him. With half-open eyes he looked down at the woman between his legs. The shame he felt was completely replaced by lust._

" _Miss Cécile!," he gasped as her lips touched his full-sized erection. When she took more of his cock in her mouth and let her tongue play, Suzaku braced himself on her shoulders with his hands. He enjoyed her skillful movements, which made him gasp._

_This made Cécile smile, to be able to do him something good. But suddenly she realized that Lloyd was probably going to see her soon because he had asked her for something. Breathing heavily, she breaks the contact, whereupon Suzaku impatiently wishes the touch back._

" _Suzaku ... Lloyd could be here any minute, do you want me to continue ...?", she asked, panting. Locking the room would have had no effect in this case, since the partition wall to the corridor was completely glazed and therefore did not offer any privacy._

" _Miss Cécile ... please ... keep going …", he requested with a disguised look as he pressed her head down between his legs._

_Under no circumstances did he want to cancel it the second time that day. He would not be able to take it anymore._

_Cecile did as she was told and continued to suck on his dick. Excited by this feeling, Suzaku now had to hold back with all his might not to thrust wildly into her mouth._

" _Miss Cécile ... I ...!"_

_She knew that he was asking her for permission to come. She briefly put her mouth down to say, "It's okay, Suzaku!"_

_He then pressed her down firmly with both hands on her head and moved in her mouth with mostly controlled thrusts until he reached his climax and she immediately swallowed his liquid. While Cécile was panting, Suzaku changed into his everyday clothes._

_Shortly afterwards, Lloyd entered the room. It had been close for both._

" _See you next week! And ... thank you for the health check!,” he said goodbye while giving Cécile a satisfied smile._

_He then left a happy and flushed Cecile and a somewhat confused Lloyd._

" _How long has our little Lancelot been liking health checks?", Lloyd asked as he gazes at Cécile, who gives him a random shrug, which was anything but convincing and said more than a thousand words._

" _Oh, I don't really want to know, as long as you keep him operational! Haha!,” Lloyd laughed when he seemed to see through the situation._

_Instead of being ashamed, Cécile only reacted with a rigid grin, rolling her eyes at the same time. Although he always pretended not to have the slightest idea about interpersonal feelings and relationships, he probably understood even more than Cécile did herself._

His eyes drop with despair, guilt and insight.

"... I'm honestly sorry to have lied to you. I promised Estelle to be a better lord to her in the future ... ,” he apologizes.

"She told me about it. This is the first step in recovery ... for you too, believe me,” she says with a worried smile.

He nods and then smiles weakly.

Then they would go to the beach together next weekend. With his personal knights and Cécile. No, with his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will (finally) involve suzalulu XD
> 
> I will upload a two-chapter fic, called "The other sister", which will be about (past) SuzaxEuphy and SuzaxCornelia.  
> Suzaku attends with Nunally Euphemia's commemoration of her 1-year-death-day. He remembers the times together with his girlfriend, while Cornelia prohibited her little sister to have a relationship with him to protect her. After Cornelia's memorial address, she wanted to talk with Suzaku.
> 
> I got the idea as I was looking for Suzaku x Cornelia content... and didn't find one. So I had to write it (and of course there's smut^^)


	8. The trip to the beach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Suzaku and his friends camp on the beach of an island. Estelle and Suzaku come dangerously closer to each other. _Also, one night Suzaku does Lelouch a favor._**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> contains smut.  
> 4,8k words.

##  The trip to the beach

It's a warm late summer day that the four want to spend on the beach after swimming to the island in a motorboat. It's around noon and to deal with the heat, Suzaku and Estelle jump into the cool water. Suzaku uses the refreshment to meet his daily sport and swims, followed by his knight, around the island. Estelle was physically fit, but by having fun she meant something different when she realized what Suzaku was up to.

Meanwhile, Cécile and Ledo want to make themselves comfortable on loungers to sunbathe. From a distance Suzaku and Estelle can briefly be seen by them, before they move out of their sight.

“Hmm ... it's nice to be here! Like on vacation!“ Ledo sighs relaxed as he leans back.

"Ledo, ... I have a request, could you ... cream my back?" Cecile sounds a little shy when she asks. She has the sunscreen in her hand, which she holds out to him when she gets into a sitting position.

"Eh, of course Miss Cécile!" He answers with a slight blush on his face.

He wasn't used to being so close to a woman other in any professional situation. And certainly not to a team member who was taking care of his injuries.

"You can leave out the salutation, Ledo," she says, smiling gently.

He grins, embarrassed, uses the sunscreen and get behind her. He applies the cold substance on her back and massages it in.

Ledo flashes his lord's immoral suggestion regarding Cécile through his mind, which makes the situation even more uncomfortable for him. Suzaku certainly didn't talk to her about it ..., did he? He quickly dismisses the thought.

"Of course Miss - ehh, Cécile!"

Cécile thanks him when he's finished and they both sit back with sunglasses to listen to the waves for a moment.

Ledo isn't just uncomfortable with the silence between them, he is also preoccupied with something. He gathers his courage to subtly address the subject.

"Our Lord ... is a bit of a mystery to me sometimes ... how ... do you think about it, Cécile?"

Surprised by the break in the silence, she turns her head to Ledo.

"Well ... Suzaku has been through a lot. That has made him act more and more questionable lately. Estelle and I hope that this day at the beach is good for his mental health. It ... it is difficult to see him suffer like this ... ," she sounds increasingly depressed in the last sentence, which Ledo also notices.

"Do you... have feelings for our lord? …," he finally asks sympathetically and with hidden curiosity.

She hadn't expected the question and was unsure how to respond. She was romantically interested in Suzaku, without question, but she hadn't even told him that. For self-protection reasons.

"Ledo, how ... do you think of it ...?" she asks, embarrassed.

Now Ledo blushes. Should he admit what he knew ...?

"You ... are having an affair together ... well I mean ... you take care of him in a way that you don't care for anyone else." He really had said it.

She feels caught and then lowers her gaze, which is barely recognizable through her sunglasses. He was right, but should she confirm that now? Apparently there were enough indications by which he made his assumption, for example he had seen the kiss between them on the mission.

"I'm doing this for the well-being of my lord. Feelings don't matter, Ledo. I want him to be fine ... ,” she says in a slightly depressed voice.

Ledo is sure that Cécile must have had romantic feelings for his lord. Somehow that made him a little sad. Didn't he notice that she was doing it all for him? Didn't Suzaku realize that it had to be a psychological burden for Cécile as well, if he treated her like that by simply passing her on like a whore?! His honorable picture of him was slowly falling in pieces.

"But ... isn't that the job of his personal knights ...?" He asks, knowing full well that she gave herself to him not just because he was her lord.

She isn't very surprised by this question, after all, Suzaku recently had Estelle, a female knight, in to his service, which made Cecile's care superfluous in this regard.

“His choice fell on Estelle,” she says hesitantly.

"And ... why then ..." he realizes that he shouldn't continue questioning her, because it hurts her to talk about it and because he already knew the answer. Cécile didn't want to admit her true feelings for Suzaku and that was fine with him.

“Ledo. What you actually want to know ... is something completely different, isn't it?” She suddenly starts to smile.

"You want to know whether Suzaku is also into men and whether he is therefore not interested in you," she concludes from his question.

And damn it, she wasn't wrong. Once he started idolizing Suzaku, he was physically drawn to his lord.

He blushes and Cécile interprets that as approval.

“You know ... when Suzaku went to school he had a best friend. His name was Lelouch. They had known each other from childhood and had not seen each other in years. I don't know what exactly it meant, but their relationship was definitely more than friendship,” she explains.

Ledo is astonished. In fact, he didn't expect there was a chance Suzaku would be interested in men.

“So they ... were best friends and had a physical relationship? What happened between them?” he asks curiously.

"Yes, there was something between them. I do not know what happened. Maybe it was when Euphemia attended the Ashford Academy and Suzaku fell in love with her when their friendship began to crumble. But I don't know for sure, because he hasn't mentioned Lelouch since Euphemia's death. It seems to me that something really bad happened between them back then …," she explains thoughtfully.

"That ... sounds really mysterious …," Ledo says thoughtfully. He knew that his lord wasn't revealing everything he knew. Ledo had recently noticed that, for some reason he did not seem to trust Estelle with the secrecy of the mission, which is why he had asked Ledo to fight by his side instead of her.

“ _Thursday sounds great, be prepared!"_

_Lelouch had heard the last words from Estelle before she said goodbye to Suzaku and they have parted ways. So they planned to meet secretly on Thursday when he wouldn't be there. This girl tried by all means to manipulate his best friend._

_Thursday, of course, he had no chess club. He wasn't in the chess club at all, that was just his excuse because he needed that day for his operations as Zero with the Black Knights. And knowing that Suzaku was working in the military and on standby, he didn't even have to think of anything to thwart the meeting. He grinned maliciously._

" _Prepared for what? What are you going to do on Thursday?” Lelouch suddenly appeared behind Suzaku when he asks him, pretending to know about nothing._

" _Oh, hello Lelouch! Oh uh ... you know, nothing special. Estelle just wants to help me with my homework ... ,“ a surprised Suzaku tried to talk his way out._

_Lelouch didn't have to know everything. He was his best friend ... but ... he was also the most convinced virgin he knew. So many girls had a crush on him, but none of them seemed to interest him. Or it was because he was generally embarrassed about everything that had to do with physicality. Nobody was as uptight and at the same time coveted as he was. Actually, someone could be jealous of the latter. After all, Suzaku could only dream that at least one girl would be romantically interested in him._

_Meanwhile, they both went to the first floor, where their common room was. Once there, they entered the room._

“ _Sounds like a date. Well, no wonder, you seem to have liked the kiss in front of half of the class,” Lelouch said very directly, hiding his jealousy. Yeah ... that kiss. Lelouch would never have guessed what his command of his Geass would cause to Estelle._

“ _She ... kissed_ _ **me**_ _! And, no, we don't have a date! We're just friends!” Suzaku said ashamed._

_There was really nothing romantic between them. She was only interested in him sexually, after all, but he certainly wouldn't say no to that kind of relationship either, if he got the chance._

_He was sitting on his bed, pulling off his white school uniform shirt. Lelouch watched him, sitting on his bed across from him, while his mind was on his best friend and his athletic body._

_Suddenly Suzaku rolled over to him on the bed with a big grin on his face. Lelouch was then torn from his thoughts and had a bad feeling about Suzaku's sudden action. Did he notice that he was watching him and analyzing his bare torso? His face immediately got a slight blush._

“ _So, enough of talking about me. Now tell me why_ _ **you**_ _don't have a girlfriend yet!” He still had a confident grin in his face._

_So Suzaku hadn't noticed that he was watching, luckily. These types of questions weren't particularly comfortable for Lelouch, however. But his best friend's grin told him that it had to be about something like that. And that didn't excite him at all. It was probably not so wise to bring up the subject, because now it was being thrown back on him. He had to go through that now._

_Suzaku looked at him questioningly while he had already made himself comfortable on Lelouch's bed by supporting himself with one hand on his head and turning sideways to Lelouch. Lelouch, who was sitting next to him on the bed, turned his head away from Suzaku, a little ashamed to escape his gaze._

" _There are people who have better things to do than to deal with relationship stuff," he said then, hoping that the answer was enough for his best friend and the subject was over. "In contrast to you ..." he added mentally, rolling his eyes._

" _Do you mean skipping school?" Suzaku replied quick-witted. After all, he didn't know what Lelouch was really doing instead, that he was Zero and thus his enemy._

“ _Shirley and Kallen cast their eyes on you! I think they're both pretty cute ... so why not date them?” he added, raving about the idea._

" _If you seem to like them, why don't you just go up to them and befriend them, like you befriended this girl named Estelle?" Lelouch said, annoyed. Suzaku thinks for a moment and then turns a little red._

" _Oh, that ... um ... I would really like to, but ... you know, they like you!" he replied a little awkwardly._

" _Suzaku stop it," Lelouch ordered now._

" _Only if you tell me who you like!" The said grin formed on Suzaku's lips again._

_Suddenly he leaned over Lelouch, who immediately got a perfect look at the naked, trained opera body above him and blushed._

_He certainly wouldn't give Suzaku an honest answer to that question. At least not verbally and deliberately._

" _Come on, I'm your best friend!" He tried to convince him with a gentle smile as he looked down at him._

_Lelouch gritted his teeth and tried not to show anything when he suddenly got another problem. Suzaku was pretty close to him, he could smell his aftershave and on top of that his torso was naked. That triggered something in him._

_Lelouch stared into his eyes with internal panic. Under no circumstances should Suzaku now let his gaze slide over Lelouch's crotch. He wanted to escape Suzaku's curious questions as quickly as possible._

_Suzaku suddenly noticed his strange stiffness, "What's the trouble, Lelouch? ..."_

" _Get off!" Lelouch brought frantically over his lips._

__

_But Suzaku noticed that his best friend was trying to hide something from him and his eyes fell on the bulge in Lelouch's pants. Suzaku grinned._

" _Only if you tell me who you were thinking of to trigger this?!"_

_Damn Suzaku, did he really have to take advantage of his predicament?!_

“ _Nobody! And now get off!" Lelouch replied annoyed._

 _“I think the one who has to get off is_ _ you_ _!” Suzaku smiled wickedly._

_Lelouch slapped him with his hand in his grinning face, before he pushed him to the side and headed for the shower, ashamed. Suzaku was left astonished, rubbing his reddish cheek._

_When Lelouch got rid of his clothes and immediately climbed into the tub, he suddenly felt the presence of a person behind him. Damn, he had forgotten to shut off. And damn it, why was Suzaku following him! He heard his breath next to his ear as he whispered in his ear,_

" _Don't you want to let your best friend help you ...?" There was a touch of eroticism in Suzaku's voice._

_Lelouch was frozen and probably tomato-red about his friend's openness._

_Suzaku ran his hands over Lelouch's slim waist to his hips, with a gentle smile on his face. When Lelouch wants to reply something, but feels Suzaku's hands on his body, desire grows in him, which he is no longer able to suppress._

_He had to gasp when Suzaku, still standing behind him, touched his member with one hand. He had long wanted to be closer to his best friend, but he would never have thought it would actually happen. After all, Suzaku had only shown interest in women so far._

_Suzaku continued with his intention and began to massage him with skillful grips. He watched with satisfaction as Lelouch's body reacted to his touch and his gasp also confirmed how much his best friend needed it now. Suzaku, to Lelouch's relief, had no idea that_ _ he _ _was the one who had caused his erection. His hands started moving up and down at a faster pace and Lelouch was now moving in sync too, only to come a short time later._

_Suzaku let go of a panting and satisfied Lelouch._

" _If you want to take a shower now ... I'll leave you alone," Suzaku grinned contentedly while he was about to leave the bathroom after washing his hands. Then Lelouch turned around, not knowing how to act and called after him,_

" _Wait, Suzaku!" As a result, he turned to him._

"I _think ... I should thank you …," Lelouch said, ashamed, while fixing his eyes on the floor._

_Suzaku is surprised at first, but then smiles and says, before closing the door behind him,_

" _That's what friends are for, Lelouch!"_

Suzaku was already ten meters ahead of Estelle when she decides to take a break and swims ashore, a little annoyed and out of breath. She was now exactly on the other side of the island from which she had started swimming. Suzaku suddenly notices that she is no longer behind him and immediately spotts her on the beach. She had sat down in the shade cast by the trees at the beginning of the forest.

"Hey, are you out of breath already ?!" Suzaku replies as he approaches her.

"Not everyone is a sports lover like you, P.E. on duty is enough for me," Estelle says teasingly.

“But that's not my point. We're here to relax and enjoy the day together. Not to do sports!” She adds, a little annoyed.

Meanwhile he sits down next to her.

"Sport is relaxation," says Suzaku with a shrug.

“Not for everyone,” Estelle remembers that Suzaku was probably the exception.

"And now? What do you suggest? Do we want to walk back to Cécile and Ledo through the forest?” He asks, open to Estelle's wishes.

"Not a bad idea. We could also collect firewood right away,” says Estelle.

Both get up and walk into the jungle-like forest. Branches and twigs are almost everywhere, which wouldn't make it particularly difficult to feed a fire. When they arrived in the middle of the island, they see a wonderful sight. A waterfall splashed down from a rock about five meters high into a small pond. Both put down the collected wood to approach this beautiful view of nature.

“There are fish here!,” notes Suzaku.

"Then we now know what we're going to grill!" says Estelle, who is standing next to him and looking at the floating food. Suzaku then nods. He was a professional in fishing, Estelle knew that.

“The water is pleasantly warm. We could take a shower under the waterfall. I'm sweating again from trudging around in the forest ... ,” Estelle suggests and starts to get rid of her bikini. Nobody would see her here anyway, so why not bathe completely naked.

"Um, ok. That is ... actually not a bad idea," Suzaku says a little hesitantly, who lets a thoughtful glance wander over his knight as she undresses. As she goes into the water, Suzaku looks down on him with a sigh and decides to keep dressed of his swimming trunks.

"Ledo, can you tell me what time it is now?" Cécile asks, who sits up from her sun lounger. She had already opened her sun shade.

"It's already seven o'clock, the sun is going to set soon," he notes.

“Where are Estelle and Suzaku? Hopefully nothing has happened to them ... they have been gone for several hours now,” Cécile is beginning to worry.

But just as Ledo and Cécile have decided to look for them, both appear at the edge of the forest. They have firewood and two fish with them.

“Hey, you two, have you explored the island?” Cécile asks, curious and relieved about their return.

"Yes. And in addition we were swimming,” says Estelle with a smile as she started to put the firewood. It was already getting dark and the four of them were preparing everything for the evening. They had set up two tents, each for two people, and now they are sitting on the beach at sunset, gathered around the fireplace and grilling the fish.

They spend the evening eating and talking, Estelle tells how she met Suzaku at school and how a friendship developed. So far, Cécile only knew a fragment of the story. Suzaku was very withdrawn and smiled every time Estelle looked at him when she raved about their old times together.

It was a nice evening for the three of them, which encouraged Suzaku a little. However, he could hardly escape his tension himself. When he thought of the old days, the events with Lelouch and Euphie came back to his mind, which thoughts he wanted to avoid at all costs. He was here to make some improvement in his mental state. Not to make it any worse. Especially since he hasn't had any physical relaxation for days, which made him even more depressed. Because only during sex he could fully let go of his thoughts. For a brief moment he was freed from his worries, fears and grief. It prevents him from becoming insane.

Then later they lie down in the tents to sleep. Suzaku shares a tent with Ledo, while Estelle and Cécile sleep in one.

Cécile has already fallen asleep when Estelle, who is still awake in bed, gets up to go outside. It is a starry night, the wind is sweeping over the sand as she ran up to the beginning of the water, which the waves washed up, and stopped. She breathes in and out deeply and closes her eyes. After a long time she felt free again.

Suzaku is still awake in bed next to Ledo in the sleeping bag. Although the day was one of the better for his psyche compared to the past, he still cannot calm down without sleeping pills. He misses the nights with his knight. Even if he wanted so much to be a better lord to her, that didn't quench his desire. Sex was like a drug that he took regularly and was used to. Avoiding his knight and Cécile didn't help.

When he picks up his medicine jar to drop a pill, he notices through the small vent in the tent door that someone is standing by the sea.

Estelle hears footsteps behind her and when she turns around, she sees Suzaku, somewhat astonished. So once again he hadn't taken his sleeping pills.

"Well, couldn't you sleep ...?" Suzaku asks, a slight smile crosses his face while his hair is dancing in the wind.

"I wanted to enjoy the sight a bit before we return tomorrow," she says, enjoying the kind of romantic atmosphere in the silence. Both stand side by side and watch the waves.

"Can ... you remember when the two of us were alone on the beach ...?" Suzaku breaks the silence.

Estelle smiles without turning her head in his direction and sits down on the sand. He does the same and sits down next to her.

"Of course, I remember …," she says almost in a whisper while she is in thought. It was a really nice memory with Suzaku. An exciting experience that, despite the circumstances, she wouldn't have wanted to miss. A brief shiver of lust pervades her at the thought.

_Estelle and Suzaku were stranded on a small island. Suzaku showed her his fishing technique and then made a fire to grill the catch. Estelle was amazed at his practical skills. It was already dark and both lay down comfortably on the sand next to each other to sleep._

_When she had already closed her eyes, she felt Suzaku's hands on her waist. He lay sideways towards her back and let his hands slowly wander up to her breasts, which he began to massage. He had a relaxed smile while Estelle was first surprised by his touch, but then began to enjoy his touches. She was still in her school uniform while Suzaku was in the pilot suit._

_The last two Thursdays, which they actually wanted to meet to sleep together for their first time, something always came up [Zero / Lelouch, who pretended to have a chess club]. Now they were alone on an island and finally had the opportunity to do so. Suzaku snuggled closer to her, took off her blazer and blouse and then went to the opening of her bra._

" _Mmmmh ... Suzaku …," she enjoyed his touches, that followed._

_He started to get rid of her skirt and then ran a hand between her legs as he made her moan._

" _Once ... when we are undisturbed ... ahh ... we don't have any condoms with us," Estelle stated, panting and disappointed._

" _I was thinking of something else …," Suzaku breathed into her ear, grinning._

_Estelle's curiosity was piqued. This Eleven really seemed to be good for surprises. On the one hand, he was so selfless and awkward, and on the other hand, there was that wild, demanding side that made him possessive and extremely confident. One wondered which of them was the real Suzaku._

" _Then let me feel what you're good at, honey!" Estelle grinned._

_Suddenly he turned her on her back and leaned over her. Immediately he took off her panties. Estelle gave him an interested look as Suzaku spread her bent legs to place his head in between. He was on his knees while propping himself up with his arms at the same high of her waist._

_Estelle couldn't believe he was doing this to her when he started touching her womanhood with his tongue. An Eleven satisfied her orally and that with a skillful tongue._

_She had to gasp loudly. Suzaku looked up at her briefly, satisfied with himself, and then returned to fulfilling his mission. Not only did Estelle like it, Suzaku enjoyed her reactions too, which let him know he was doing his job well._

_Excited by Estelle's noises, he grabbed the zipper of his pilot suit with one hand, which had become unbearably tight in one place, to free his erection. He immediately gave a gasp of relief. Estelle watched him with lusty, half-open eyes. His hand, with which he had freed his member, did not wander back to support propping himself up, but grasped his throbbing cock, longing for release, which he massaged with skillful movements. Then he buried his head between Estelle's legs again to please them both in sync._

_Aah! Suzaku!” she groaned when she reached her climax, followed closely by his release. Exhausted and gasping from the act, Suzaku rolled over next to her so that they were both on their backs, facing the night sky._

" _Your practical skills ... mhh ... are really amazing ..." Estelle gasped for breath, highly satisfied. Apparently the Elevens were provided with practical skills and thus made up for the deficit in brains. Estelle still couldn't explain how he apparently could control her back then, so that she suddenly kissed him, but at least she knew that it was worthwhile to start a physical relationship with Suzaku._

_Suzaku smiled with satisfaction,"Haha, well practice makes perfect!"_

_Estelle was somewhat shocked by his statement. So wasn't he a virgin anymore? She hadn't expected that someone like him ... well, an Eleven who had no friends before, disliked by every nationality and was sometimes too foolish, had actually slept with a woman._

" _You ... you have practice in it ...?" Estelle then asked, still hardly believing._

_Suzaku wondered that something about him, having experience in it, seemed so unreliable. His features changed to a soft, melancholy smile,_

" _Now you know ... I also had positive experiences within the military. They were honorable Britannians, just like me. But what I've never had... is a real relationship.“ In the last sentence you could hear a little sadness and thus a silent wish._

Suzaku senses that the memory triggers something in Estelle. He takes a look at her hand, which is resting on the sand to his left, and carefully places his hand on top of hers. Estelle hesitantly turns her head to him, surprised by the touch. He looks at her with a horny look, which triggers uncertainty in her. She is unsure how to respond.

One moment later, Suzaku kisses her. She lets the kiss happen and willingly opens her mouth as his tongue wrestles for admission. The need for taking her now grows in him, the urge to do what they couldn't do that night because of the lack of contraception.

He climbs over her hip, still sitting and not interrupting the kiss. His hands wander under her night dress to her waist as both have to gasp for breath. He can clearly feel that the desire is increasing in Estelle too and he quickly takes off her dress while he is still wearing his pajamas.

When he presses her into a lying position on the sand and leans over her to caress her shapely breasts, Estelle defends herself by trying to push him away with her hands at the back of his head. She doesn't want to sleep with him. Even if her body wanted otherwise, she couldn't let him control her body and her psyche again. As much as she desired to feel him now, he wasn't the Suzaku from the past. He wasn't the Suzaku who cared for her wishes. What he was doing had nothing to do with what had happened between them on the island that time. It was manipulative to use this beautiful memory as an excuse to get her to satisfy his desire. Her lord's desire.

"Stop! Suzaku! Get off!” She orders him.

He then stops his kisses and lifts his head above hers at eye level while he is still bent over her. He looks her in the eye with a longing, unbelievable look. She looks at him with lust and at the same time pleading in despair. But instead of letting go of her, he then bends closer over her, holding her arms over her head with his hands so that she cannot defend herself with them while he entangles her anew in a kiss. That makes her shriek out in fear.

Suzaku suddenly lets go of her when he himself has to yell out because of the stinging pain he feels in his private parts.

Estelle had used the last second before her Geass could activate and used her advantageous position, since her legs were inside his, to give him a kick. Frightened, she gets up and looks at Suzaku, who has jumped up and is writhing in pain.

Still intimidated by him, she takes a few steps backwards until she finally turns around and runs away. Meanwhile, Suzaku straightened up to see how she disappears back into the tent.

He is now standing alone on the beach with a blank look and inner despair. What had he done ...?

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter Suzaku and Estelle go on mission to Japan.  
> The outer plot will continue in the chapter after the next.  
> (This fanfic will contain 12 chapters, but doesn't end with chapter 12; I will make it into a series, because after chapter 12 is a "cut". Just in case someone wondered why the plot is developing so slowly XD)  
> Also, I will write an alternate end, because I am interested in imagining how it could have ended. (But that's probably far in the future, so no more information about that)


	9. What friends are for

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Suzaku takes Estelle on her first mission. However, it turns out that the clients are none other than her parents, who are characterized by racism and prejudice. _Lelouch also returns Suzaku's favor, because "That's what friends are for!"_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> contains smut.  
> long chapter (6.5k words.)

##  What friends are for

The following Monday, Suzaku asked Estelle into his office. The two had not spoken to each other since the Saturday incident. Ultimately, this hadn't changed Estelle's image of her lord. Not only did he indulge his desire to exercise control over her, but also he didn't apologize for anything, even though he had promised her that he would be a better lord.

Suzaku was a master of denial, and even if he felt internally sorry for his recent action, he showed no guilt. Probably because he already felt guilty by all the lives he had ended and everything else bad had happened through his actions, that it was mentally impossible for him to feel even greater guilt. He wore a mask from the day he became Knight of Seven. He didn't want anyone to know what was actually going on deep inside of him and if he talked himself into something long enough, he would believe his own lies.

"You called me, my lord?" Estelle asks formally as she walks over to him.

She goes to great lengths to separate professional from private and to act professionally. She sees that Ledo is also present in the room.

“Good morning, Estelle. I promised you I would take you on a mission. The time has now come,” Suzaku begins to announce with his typically neutral expression.

But she wasn't sure if she should really be happy about it. He certainly didn't choose her because of her own wish. Not after what happened last weekend.

“This mission is about guaranteeing the safety of a high-ranking Britannian family from Japan, which could be endangered by the entry of the Euro-Britannian troops. We will therefore be on site with our KMFs in order to achieve a deterrent effect."

So their destination would be Japan... Estelle wouldn't have expected that.

"Why did you choose me, my lord, why don't you take Ledo with you too?," she asks skeptically.

Suzaku isn't very surprised at her distrust.

“Ledo is needed here. Ledo's mission is to secure the palace in the case that our absence could be perceived by Zero.” When Suzaku speaks of Zero, his expression darkens.

"Under no circumstances should Lelouch try to free C.C. while I'm not there," he thinks resolutely.

“I have also asked the other lords not to interfere in that matter. Zero is therefore left to our unit.” Suzaku's strong will to catch Zero personally doesn't escape Estelle and Ledo either. Was there something that Suzaku didn't tell them about Zero?

“When are we going to leave?” Estelle asks finally, again focused on her mission.

"Immediately. We will change in our pilot suits shortly beforehand, as we are flying there with a KMF carrier so as not to use up the energy of the KMF unnecessarily,” he explains the remaining details while waving her to leave.

"Yes, my Lord" Estelle's says formally and Ledo says goodbye to them.

When the two of them sit opposite of each other in the plane with a table between them, there is silence. Suzaku is busy with his tablet while Estelle looks out of the small round window. They had already arrived in Japan. That brought back memories in her. Did Suzaku's homeland also bring back memories in him? At least he didn't show any change in feeling.

As they arrived at the military base, both of them get out and are now on Japanese ground. Suddenly, as she looks around, Estelle notices that she has been to this base before. And then she remembered - she had accompanied Suzaku to work once. This was his former military base when he was still attending Ashford Academy. It felt strange to her, that it was this place out of all places.

“We now greet the family on whose behalf we are here. Then we get in our KMFs. We still have about an hour before the troops will be here,” Suzaku says and tears her from her thoughts.

"Yes, my Lord," she replies formally.

When they get into the car that is supposed to transport them and drive off straight away, the area looks all too familiar to Estelle. They were commissioned by a family, of a higher class ... how many were there in this area of all places?! She immediately has a knowing and shocked expression on her face.

“Suzaku! You didn't tell me that we were going to see my parents!!,” she confronts her lord, losing her respect.

He is a little surprised by her sudden panic and turns to her.

“You would have refused to start this mission if I had told you. And you are probably thinking now that this was the only reason I have chosen you for the mission.” He sounds calm.

“Did my parents ask for me?!” Estelle is furious.

However, her anger is not directed directly at Suzaku, but primarily at her parents. They hated Suzaku and felt ashamed of their daughter and her decision to leave them to be taken into the service of an eleven. Her parents were the typically rich, high-ranking people who attached great importance to tradition, reputation and honor and, to make matters worse, had a worldview full of prejudices, which they also taught Estelle.

She had had enough of all this wrong thinking, racism, forced marriage and the rest of the established social customs and manners. As much as she hated the lord-knight relationship system she had been in ever since, she hated her parents' views more. And she won't agree with them by complaining about her current situation. Under no circumstances will she let it come to a “We-told-you-so-”.

Suzaku then gives her a thoughtful look. So he no longer wanted to deny it.

“Suzaku, is that a mission at all? Or was that just an excuse to bring me back to Japan?!” Estelle is still angry.

Suzaku couldn't blame her for her anger, after all, he knew what her parents were like and what values they had. How they were to him and how they thought of him . He had long since accepted the fact that he was not popular and not even recognized as a lord. He just ignored it as long as it was just words.

"If it had been an excuse, I wouldn't have felt any duty to grant your parents this wish," he replies with a serious expression.

There was something to it. Suzaku and her parents were anything but friends. At that time she had to keep their friendship and of course her affair with Suzaku a secret from her parents. And for a good reason.

Now, however, she was independent and was no longer intimidated or manipulated by them.

"We are here, my lord," says the driver and both of them get out. In front of them is a villa with a garden. Suzaku rings the doorbell, which opens automatically. When they stand in front of the large entrance door, both in their respective lord or knight uniform, they are immediately welcomed by Estelle's parents.

"Mister, Misses Ashford, very pleased," Suzaku greets them formally with a short bow, while Estelle stands quietly and firmly as his knight at his side. She could clearly feel the inner disappointment of her parents in her, being the knight of an Eleven - him \- and the distance with which they face her.

"Also ... pleased, ... Lord Kururugi," both of them respond, hesitantly with reluctance to pay such respect to an Eleven. Neither Suzaku nor Estelle fail to capture this.

"Well, your daughter and I will now take care of our assignment and do everything safely for you ... and your daughter," he says, adding the last one, when suddenly Estelle's little sister comes up behind her father and mother.

"Estie!," she calls out as she tries to hug Estelle, who is astonished and leans happily towards her.

"I missed you too, my little sister!" Her 7-year-old sister was the exception of the family. She is glad when she can hug her again.

“That's enough, June! Your big sister now has to pursue her duties together with her lord!," Her mother explains to her after watching the warm embrace for a minute, whereupon June lets go of Estelle sadly.

"I'll come back tonight and say goodbye," says Estelle, slightly saddened, hoping to cheer her up as she leans down to her. Then she follows Suzaku into the hangar, in which their KMFs are already located.

During their mission they fly around the area and thus observe the Euro-Britannian military formation, which is warned by it. Suzaku had made a name for himself with his Lancelot in the war against Euro-Britannians not long ago, which he fought with Ledo and Schnee, and has since been feared as the << White Reaper >>. The enemies feared him, which Estelle did not miss either. They knew what a devastating action Suzaku was capable of with his KMF. Even if the situation seemed hopeless to him, he could defeat them all without help. His fighting skills were incredibly high.

Everything went smoothly, as Suzaku had expected. Estelle hadn't had a fight experience, but on the one hand she was glad about it. It was no longer a matter of trying to prove anything to her lord.

It was already evening and after work was done, Estelle stood at her parents' door to say goodbye. Suzaku stood at a distance in front of the steps that led to the door. When Estelle wants to say goodbye to her little sister, she doesn't let go of her.

"Why don't you stay here !?," she begs sadly.

“Well, you know, I have work. And it's not just around the corner, usually,” Estelle tries to explain empathetically.

Her sister then looks at Suzaku. "Is he your boss?," she suddenly asks.

Suzaku's mouth transforms into a warm smile when she points to him and looks at him curiously. Her parents watch this with skepticism.

"Yes, he ... is my boss" Estelle then hesitantly comes up and makes eye contact with Suzaku.

Suddenly June runs towards Suzaku and stops briefly in front of him.

“Will you give my sister a day off so you both can stay here?,” she asks him with an expectant look.

Suzaku is astonished at first, but then has to smile gently as he leans down to her, "You know ... I would give your sister one day off ... but staying here is nothing I can decide by myself"

"Stop it now!" Her father promptly intervenes.

“June, what did we teach you? You shouldn't talk to an Eleven!" She receives a stern rebuke, whereupon Suzaku sits up again and has his usual expression on his face. Her parents only get a loathing look from Estelle.

“I don't want Estie to leave already! She and her boss can stay here a bit longer!” she starts to whine. Suzaku's and Estelle's glances meet questioningly, while her parents' also meet communicating.

"Okay. If you both want, you can stay here the night. We are indebted to you and will therefore show our gratitude,” Estelle's mother tells them.

June jumps in the air for joy while Estelle and Suzaku look a little unsettled. Suzaku silently nods to Estelle and gives her the sign that she should make this decision. So if she wanted to spend the evening with her family, Suzaku gave her the chance.

Estelle looks at her happy sister when she immediately has to smile warmly. Then she turns to her parents with determination,

"We accept the offer." Her parents nod and both step aside invitingly as they enter the villa.

At dinner, Suzaku and Estelle sit across from her parents and sister. After they have eaten there is a strange tension. Apparently nobody really knew how to start a conversation. But someone could tell from her parents that they had questions.

"How ... do you like your new job, Estelle?," asks her mother to introduce a conversation.

Estelle knew what they wanted most to hear from her now. That everything wasn't what she'd hoped it would be. That this job wasn't the right one for her. That it was torture to work for somebody like him – an Eleven. Unfortunately it was partly true. He wasn't the person she'd hoped him to be. Suzaku was no longer her effortlessly charming school friend.

“Oh, to be in his service is great. It was the best decision I made,” she lies convincingly. Suzaku would love to believe her too, but he knows it's a lie.

Her parents both don't look very pleased, but try not to let it show.

“And ... how do you act with your lord? Are you ... a good team ...?” The next question was asked.

Estelle knew that this was a subliminal allusion to what they actually wanted to know: Wether her lord made use of a lord-knight relationship and thus they slept together. Inwardly she had to grin maliciously.

“Your daughter has more talent than you think. In addition to excellent training results, she also has good team skills and social skills. Today she proved to me again that she doesn’t hold a position as a knight for nothing,” Suzaku intervenes, catching the attention of her parents. Estelle liked that he stood up for her. However, the question was for her, and she would answer it by herself.

"We have a lord-knight relationship," Estelle promptly announce.

Then she gets shocked looks from her parents and Suzaku is also left speechless at her openness towards her very prejudiced family.

The silence is finally broken by Estelle's sister,

"What is a ... lord-knight relationship?"

Her mother then gets up, ashamed of the situation, and puts her to bed.

When she sits down at the table again, Estelle now gets disdainful looks, then Suzaku is also targeted with contempt.

"You won't touch our daughter any more!" Her father says threateningly.

Suzaku's expression doesn't change, however, he doesn't let himself be provoked.

“That is not your decision!” Estelle suddenly reacts confidently.

At that moment she remembers Cécile's words. Her action is followed by more shocked looks.

“The only orders I have to obey are those of my lord. So you can't tell me anything anymore. And if he has the desire for his knight, then I will obey."

Suzaku looks at her, surprised by the words she defends him, while a shiver runs through him. Her parents gaze stunned on Estelle. She had to admit that the system that she despised and her parents upheld so much had something good. At least she could now use it to beat her parents at their own game. If their lord had been an honorable Britannian instead of an honorary Britannian, they would, in keeping with tradition, even advocate a lord-knight relationship, regardless of what their daughter thought about it. She knew that. But since he was the most hated Japanese Estelle served, her knighthood was seen as a shame rather than a blessing to her parents. The situation now gave her absolute satisfaction.

"I will now accompany you to your bedrooms," her mother decides and gets up.

There was probably nothing left to say. Estelle had to grin victoriously inside. They go to the 2nd floor and while she asks Suzaku to wait in front of the stairs, she leads Estelle into her room, which was at the end of the left wing. When her mother holds the door for her, Estelle walks past her with a triumphant smile. She only gets a disappointed look by her mother.

After the door is closed behind her, she hears the door of the room locking. So her parents wanted to make sure that she didn't spend the night with her lord under any circumstances. Then her mother leads Suzaku to his room where he is supposed to spend the night. It was at the other end of the hall. Here, too, is cordoned off, which Suzaku does not miss.

The not so small room also had a bathroom, which made things a little easier for him. Because he was looking forward to a shower after the long day and ... after what Estelle had said over dinner. He knew it was just a lie to rebel against her parents, but he wanted to pretend it was real. To imagine that she gave herself to him, trusted him completely and, as his knight, obeyed him absolutely.

As a frisson of excitement pervaded him again, his conscience told him how wrong it was from a moral point of view. Through his desire he just hurt his knight, it was selfish and ruthless. Both qualities that he didn't want to have. But the more he tried to be the person he wanted to be, the more he failed. His psychological state increasingly suffered from the consequences of the restraint of his true self and also created feelings and desires which he didn't want to feel because they were a sin. His desire for control and obedience.

He is about to go into the bathroom when he suddenly hears a knock on the balcony door of the bedroom. He walks up to it and while he opens it, he is surprised about the visit.

"Estelle ...? What ... are you doing here ..?,” he asks, astonished and hesitant, only dressed in boxer shorts.

"Well, ... I am in the mood for fucking my lord!," she grins confidently with an erotic voice, only dressed in a night dress, when she immediately sticks her hand into his pants and caresses his half erect member with it.

He looks at her meanwhile and is speechless. The blush rises in his face when she touches him and can hardly control himself from the impending lust. However, the thought of what his soft tissues had to take last time keeps him back and he isn't sure whether Estelle came to him because of it. Somehow her offer was just too good to be true for him. Maybe he was the next after her parents, she wanted to take revenge on today?

He finally manages to control himself again and pulls her hand out of his pants as he takes a step backwards, still panting.

"What's happening? Don't tell me you aren't looking forward to finish it this time, like you did last time?" Estelle is indignant about the rejection, while she approaches him again and sensually lets her night dress slide down her hip.

In Estelle, thanks to this evening and the situation with her parents, a desire had developed in her that she absolutely wanted to fulfill. She was the rebel again who wanted to break the rules of her parents. She wanted it now because it was forbidden, despite remembering the incident the last time they got closer, while he urged her to continue against her will. Because her parents loathed the idea of Suzaku and her in bed, so much that they locked the room, which for Estelle was even more favorable, to get to him now over the balcony, around the wall of the house, and let him fuck her. Yes, she didn't do that for him this time, she did it out of sheer self-interest.

_After the failed plan to sleep with Estelle yesterday, Thursday, the two met after class on the school grounds. Estelle was still slightly angry that he'd left in the middle of their intimacy to go to work in the military. He had just left her in the room, unsatisfied. She hoped he felt the same pain when he disappeared from the building with a bulge in his pants._

“ _What about our plan now, Suzaku?" She asked a little annoyed. "I would suggest that we meet in my room, but as you know, I have two roommates!," she added remindingly._

“ _I'm ... I'm really sorry about yesterday ... please forgive my sudden disappearance ..." Suzaku apologized hesitantly._

“ _Oh, it's okay. You were just doing your duty ... and you probably had a bigger problem in your pants than me,” she grinned suddenly. At least he apologized for it. She knew he couldn't help it in an emergency. The guy was just too kindhearted to everyone._

“ _Thank you for your understanding. I guess ... we will probably have to schedule our meeting again on Thursday ... ,“ Suzaku said, not entirely satisfied with this solution._

_There was no other solution for the time being, because they had to keep their friendship and everything around it a secret from Estelle's parents. They knew that an Eleven was new to Estelle's class and immediately forbade her to exchange even words with him. At first she was convinced of the prejudices her parents put in her ear and, as an active bully, even took action against Suzaku. For instance, she smeared his school uniform with anti-foreign slogans._

_But now, after all that Suzaku did to her, she wanted to get to know him better. She had not made friends with him out of the understanding that her parents were wrong about everything. She still had a skeptical and prejudiced look at this Eleven. But her interest now went deeper than just a pretended friendship, of which her parents were also not allowed to know._

“ _As Elevens are not allowed to share a hotel room with Britannians, this option isn't available either. So our only chance is to have a room to ourselves when Lelouch is not there ... ," Estelle stated thoughtfully._

_Lelouch stood on the edge of the wall, which was a few meters away from both of them, and had overheard their conversation. So they didn't give up that easily. This time he would probably have to bring his "chess club" forward. As he forged his plan, his serious expression turned into a devilish grin._

_Said Thursday evening, Estelle visited Suzaku. He had already expected her and immediately opened the door for her. As she passed him and opened her coat with a grin, he looked after her, inspecting her with enthusiasm. She threw the coat on the chair and fell gracefully onto the bed, looking at him longingly._

" _Um ... you look ... really ... beautiful" was all Suzaku managed to say when he looked at her in corset and suspenders, lying on his bed, with catching breath._

" _Beautiful? That's all you name me? She asked sarcastically with a grin on her lips._

_He then blushed and was about to apologize hesitantly when Estelle interrupted him and asked him to finally come to her and take off his clothes. He took off his trousers so that he was still dressed in a shirt and boxer shorts and climbed over her._

" _I hope you don't have an emergency call this time!," warned Estelle._

" _I hope so too! After all ... I've been looking forward the whole week to meet you this privately... ," he was embarrassed at the last sentence. Yes, she was already looking forward to this moment._

_As he took off his shirt, she remembered one of the reasons why she wasn't physically averse to him. His athletic body was the result of regular exercise. The fact that his best subject was PE at least made up for his deficit in many other subjects where brain power was relevant. At least according to Estelle's assessment._

_Hungrily, she dragged his head down to hers to melt her lips into his. The fire started to blaze inside him too and he kissed her wildly by pushing his tongue into her mouth. Her arms cupped the back of his head as he was leaning over her on his forearms and they started a tongue fight._

“ _Good_ _Evening, Suzaku! Chess club was moved and I ... - oh! Estelle is here too!” Lelouch suddenly entered the room._

_He pretended not to know anything. The sight that his best friend was bent over this girl named Estelle, half-naked and they were kissing, could have been spared him. And ... how she was dressed ..._

" _Lelouch !! ... We ... uh ... ,“ Suzaku looked at him, shocked and embarrassed at Lelouch's sudden appearance. Estelle was also shocked and felt exposed, which made her blush. Neither of them had any plausible excuse._

" _It's ... okay, I'm not going to tell anyone," Lelouch said, appearing calm while he picked up a book and threw himself on his bed. Suzaku watched him in astonishment. Rather, he had thought that Lelouch would only enter the room again when both were dressed. After all, this situation was very uncomfortable for Lelouch._

“ _You did ... already know?" Suzaku then asked, noticing and at the same time puzzled about his behavior._

“ _Well, after your deep kiss at school ...", Lelouch promptly replied. He knew, of course, that this kiss was due to his Geass and had nothing to do with it. While reading a book, he gave Suzaku an warning look as to why neither of them had already started to get dressed again._

_Suzaku and Estelle had hoped for a short time that Lelouch would give them the private space and finish what they had just started with._

_Suzaku came up with a plan... if they kept going, they could make Lelouch escape the room._

_He immediately took off Estelle's corset to suckle her bare breasts. Estelle didn't know what to think of Suzaku's action, after all, Lelouch was right next door and she didn't feel comfortable with. Still she had to gasp when his mouth went to the back of her neck to kiss her there._

_Lelouch knew exactly what his best friend was up to. He bit his lip and hid his reddening face in the open book. He tried to concentrate on something other than the sounds of the two lovers next to him._

_No, he wouldn't give up and leave the room to the two of them, Suzaku should quickly forget that idea! It wasn't just a matter of Lelouch not wanting his best friend to sleep with Estelle, but of being the winner of this challenge._

_Suzaku looked at Lelouch from time to time, which made him realize that he was trying very hard to stay where he was. If it became too uncomfortable for him, he wouldn't be able to stand the situation any longer and Suzaku would have triumphed over his best friend in this subtle challenge. A malicious grin formed on Suzaku's mouth at these thoughts, while he continued to take care of Estelle to make her moan in front of Lelouch._

_Lelouch could hardly listen and now also look away from what was happening next to him. His focus automatically fell on the two lovers, or rather on Suzaku, who absolutely wanted to finish his mission. Lelouch wanted to show Suzaku with his observant gaze that he didn't mind and that he would have to go further. Their eyes met._

" _Lelouch!" Suzaku thought , eager to win._

" _Suzaku!" Lelouch thought at the same time, also eager to win._

_When Suzaku wanted to free Estelle from her panties, she freed herself from Suzaku and angrily climbed from the bed, her arms crossed in front of her bare chest._

" _Guys. The whole situation is taking a strange course in my opinion! I don't feel like being the object of your power play. That's why you both are able to continue this without me. See you Monday at school.” She grabbed her corset and her coat to quickly put it on and left the room angrily while Suzaku called after her in desperation,_

_Estelle! Please wait! I'm sorry!” But she didn't respond._

_She left two astonished young men behind, neither of whom had guessed that their power game would come to such an end._

_Lelouch had to grin victoriously. In the end, Estelle was gone, and now apparently angry at Suzaku._

_Suzaku, on the other hand, bit his lower lip and was annoyed at his reckless behavior, which Estelle now witnessed. Damn it, the behavior of the Suzaku, which he was as a child got through. Before he carried around this inner guilt of having murdered his father back then and not wanting to be a selfish person anymore since. He had failed._

_Suzaku threw herself on the bed, depressed, his eyes directed towards the ceiling. Meanwhile, Lelouch wondered how far Suzaku would have gone. Would he really have gone ahead and..._

_It wasn't unimaginable for Lelouch when he thought back to what favor Suzaku had done him spontaneously last week. His best friend seemed to be very open about physicalities, unlike him. Somehow he hated this behavior on Suzaku and somehow ... he was glad for it. Inwardly, he couldn't deny that he was glad Suzaku had taken the initiative to do him this kind of favor. He would certainly not have dared to take the first step. After all, he had always thought that Suzaku was straight and had no sexual interest in men._

_Suddenly Suzaku got up and headed for the bathroom. The buldge in his pants was getting too painful as his member screamed for attention. Suzaku was standing in the shower when he kept his eyes closed from the pleasant, warm water that rained down on him._

_He wanted to grab his bared member with one hand, but suddenly he felt the grip of a hand that wasn't his. His eyes opened in a flash and he looked astonished into the face of his best friend, who was standing in front of him with a somewhat embarrassed smile on his lips._

" _Le ... Lelouch!?!" Suzaku reacted with astonishment. Was Lelouch going to return his favor? Lelouch, who was embarrassed just by thinking about it?_

_He was torn from his thoughts when Lelouch's hand began to caress his hard member. Suzaku then had to gasp, which was the sign for Lelouch to proceed now. He went to his knees in front of Suzaku, who could hardly believe what his friend was now apparently up to. He couldn't really think about it logically, however, because he was too excited._

" _Mmmh ... Lelouch ..." Suzaku had to hold back from not give in his animal urges and thrust in his mouth when he felt Lelouch's tongue on his erection._

_Lelouch enjoyed Suzaku's noises he was making and grinned inwardly. He wanted to return the favor to his best friend in a way that he had never dreamed of. As he absorbed him deeper, he felt Suzaku's hands on his shoulders and as he continued to suck on him, Suzaku began to move with gentle thrusts in his mouth._

_Lelouch heard how Suzaku came closer to his climax and briefly paused for breath. He raised his gaze and looked directly into Suzaku's lust-filled face, with which he looked down at him longingly and begging for more._

" _Suzaku, I allow you to come!" With these words Lelouch took his member in again._

_Then Suzaku felt relief and moved thankfully into Lelouch's mouth until he ejected his liquid, panting heavily. When Lelouch had picked it up completely, he removed his mouth and spat it, also gasping for air, into the shower drain. He couldn't bring himself to swallow Suzaku's semen as it embarrassed him too much._

_Suzaku smiled satisfied and took his hands off Lelouch's shoulders. Lelouch suddenly stood up, avoiding Suzaku's gaze, and got out of the shower. Suzaku turned off the water and turned to him before he could get out of the bathroom,_

“ _Lelouch! ... Thank you …,“ Suzaku said with a shy smile._

_Lelouch then turned around and replied with a smirk before disappearing from the room,_

“ _That's what friends are for, Suzaku!"_

He looks at her, strained with restraint not to lay into her, when she walks up to him. Her lewd movements and her shapely feminine body were really torture for him in his condition if he did nothing but watch.

"What ... what about your parents …," he stutters hypnotized, while he looks at her as she stands close in front of him and lets seductively run a hand over his bare chest.

“Don't worry, they won't disturb us. They don't even think I am capable of climbing over the balcony as your personal knight,” she smiles victoriously while looking at him longingly.

This act of defiance confirmed some things. Yes, if it was forbidden, she wanted it all the more, so he knew her from the past.

She kisses his neck while he gasps with pleasure. Her body is pressed close to his, he feels her soft breasts under his chest and while his pants are being pulled down, a relieving feeling arises around the area in his crotch, which has now become very tight. He immediately has to gasp when he feels her hand grasping his cock tightly and jerks it. She grins as she looks down at him and pushes him towards the four-poster bed with the other hand on his chest.

When she presses him onto the mattress and positions herself over his hip with longing in her eyes, Suzaku picks her up.

"Somebody needs to get rid of stress urgently!?" he states with a grin.

"All I have to get rid is my great desire to fuck my lord!" Estelle replies cheekily and erotically, while she immediately takes his member in her hand to adjust it under her wet opening.

Her words alone make Suzaku shiver in excitement. Both have to moan with pleasure as she sits down on him and slowly takes in his cock, which has grown to its full size. Suzaku puts his hands on her hips when Estelle pauses briefly to get used to his length before moving.

He had more than missed the feeling, after all, it had been weeks since he last felt her engaging tightness around him. She felt no different at the moment, his member, which completely filled her womanhood, was very pleasant for her. She begins to move, slowly at first, then faster and wilder, while both of them gasp.

"Admit it ... ahh ... you ... mhh ... missed that ..." Suzaku gasps in amusement, who relaxes under her movements.

Estelle reacts to his words, trying to hold back herself by getting up on her knees, so that the contact is lost, to Suzaku's cost, who wants the feeling back as soon as possible. She bends over to him.

"Yes, I missed it ... but you missed it a lot more," she whispers in his ear, breathing heavily with excitement.

Instead of questioning this statement, Suzaku flips her quickly onto her back in order to be in control and no longer let her hold him off. Immediately he thrusts in her again and continues where she left off by fucking her with quick, deep thrusts.

She reacts to this by clasping her legs around his waist to feel him even more intensely. She suspected that he was going to turn the situation in order to take control by himself, but that didn't bother her, because it felt relieving for her to let go after the first half and give in to his actions.

When both are very close to their climax, he kisses her passionately. She comes first and when he notices that her muscles are tightening around his, he too comes deep inside her after a few thrusts. Then he withdraws from her and rolls over, panting, beside her. Both are still breathing heavily and have closed their eyes.

Suddenly Suzaku is hugged by Estelle, who presses the left side of her face onto his chest and starts to sob. He is surprised as he notices that she is crying. The situation with her parents makes her feel more low as she wanted to admit.

He gently puts a comforting arm around her while his expression becomes gentle and compassionate. When after a while he can no longer hear any sobs, he realizes that she has fallen asleep. In order not to wake her up when he got up to take a shower, he also closes his eyes. He then falls asleep exhausted, but unexpectedly, without having taken his sleeping pills, calmly.

Early in the morning, Estelle's mother unlocks her daughter's room. She's just outside the door when she decides to take a quick look inside to see if she's still asleep. She peers carefully in and, to her horror, sees an empty bed and an open balcony door. She runs frantically to the room on the other side of the house to unlock the door and see what she would find there.

When she was listening at the door before, she couldn't hear any sounds. Apparently both seemed to be asleep. Slowly she opened the door a crack. Her eyes widen in surprise when she sees her daughter, asleep, lying on her lord's chest and hugging each other with one arm. Both are apparently naked under the covers, which suggests that their daughter was telling the truth yesterday and that they were indeed in a lord-knight relationship.

But as much as her mother thought she was upset by this confirmation, she wasn't at that moment. Both radiated an inner bliss, as loving and peaceful as they shared the bed. She closes the door with a thoughtful, sad look.

Half an hour later, Estelle wakes up from her deep sleep. She realizes how both of them slept close together. She gets up and takes her nightgown. As she walks towards the balcony door to get back to her room, the thought flashes through her head that it may have already been unlocked.

She realizes she's right when she turns the door handle. Were they caught by their parents asleep? And if they were so, they no longer had her over a barrel After all, her parents had received confirmation that she had not lied to them yesterday. The irony about it was ... that it was actually a lie, after all she didn't endorse a lord-knight relationship and had even been able to break free from it, although that was not what her lord wanted. And now ... she actually slept with him again. But this time, it was her desire that drove her to it.

She is about to leave the room through the door after putting on her night dress when Suzaku wakes up.

"Estelle ...!" he calls out, still a bit sleepy afterwards, when he gets up from the bed.

She turns to him.

“I go to my room, shower and change. We'll meet downstairs when I'm done,” she reacts with a neutral expression.

“There's a shower here too! We ... could take a shower together ...?” he suggests, a little uncertain of her reaction. At least she couldn't get enough of him yesterday night. And after that he had slept better than he had for a long time.

"... I'm sorry, Suzaku. About yesterday ... it was very impulsive, a desperate act because of the situation ... “ With these words she leaves the room.

Suzaku goes into the shower alone, disappointed. His knight hadn't done anything for him what had happened last night. Torn out of his illusion, he takes a deep breath. What his sanity really needed was to focus now on the only important thing.

Lelouch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it took me about two weeks to update.  
> I am very busy with learning for exams, so it can take a bit longer to get the next chapter(s) done.  
> The next chapter will contain action.


	10. Chess against Zero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **When Zero takes Suzaku's bait and wants to free C.C., Suzaku finally gets the opportunity he has been waiting so longingly for: to convict Lelouch as Zero again . But he probably didn't consider that Lelouch always won in one discipline - chess.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Action chapter, so no flashbacks included.  
> 3.5k words.

## Chess against Zero

The elevator door opens and Kallen enters the headquarters of the secret, underground base.

"I came here just as you asked, Zero," she says when the office chair turns from the screens in front of it in her direction.

"Hello, Kallen. Nice to have you by my side again, ”says the person who crossed his legs and grins at her. Lelouch.

Kallen's facial features change from surprised to happy when she registers him. So her Zero was back. And his grin told her that he had already figured out a plan.

She walks up to him until she stands in front of him.  
"Lelouch, it really is you ... you are back as Zero!", Kallen emphasizes her joy.

“It took a bit of time to come to my mind again and now I know who I really am. And I won't stop until the goal is achieved.” His voice is determined. Determined to do whatever it takes.

He wanted revenge on his father to eventually create a better world. And he also hoped to meet his former best friend again, whom he had made an enemy. He would gladly convert him to fight with him on one side, but he knew that it wasn't possible under the circumstances. Suzaku hated him. For lying to him, that he was Zero and what he had done to his princess girlfriend. The latter was an accident, but Lelouch knew Suzaku wouldn't believe him because his hatred made him blind.

Kallen is pleased with his returned will to act as Zero and smiles determinedly.  
“What's your plan ?!” she asks.

“C.C. was captured. Suzaku is detaining her somewhere at Pendragon's headquarters. First we will free her,” he explains seriously.

Kallen nods thoughtfully and then suddenly interjects,  
“What ... if this is a trap? What if that's exactly what Suzaku wants us to do? That Zero comes to him ... "

Then Lelouch's expression turns into a devilish grin.  
“This is definitely a trap,” confirms Lelouch.

Kallen doesn't understand why he is grinning so confidently of victory in spite of this and gives him a questioning look.

"C.C. is the bait, and we ... take the bait," Lelouch continues to make clear.

It is evening, Estelle and Ledo have already completed their tasks today and are in their apartments. One day has passed since the mission in Japan. Estelle and her lord had only faced each other on official business since then. She knew it was best to keep their distance, that she realized because of Suzaku's dismissive attitude towards her. Cécile hasn't escaped Suzaku's mental fixation on his goal of snatching Zero since he and Estelle were back home.

Suzaku is still in his office and when he too wants to end his day, he suddenly receives a warning signal on the monitor.  
At first he reacts surprised, then his eyes darken. He had been waiting for this day. Until Zero would finally show up again. He knew it was only a matter of time. If Lelouch wanted the green-haired girl back, he had to eventually take action. And that Lelouch could not hope for a favorable moment, Suzaku had already demonstrated to him by the readiness of his troops around the palace when he was with Estelle in Japan.

He then alerts Estelle and Ledo to mobilize the Knightmare Frames and reinforcements as enemy units were approaching.

He knew what Zero was up to. So he had taken his bait. Estelle and Ledo wait in their KMFs ready to fight. She had fought with KMFs many times, but these were just practice. Today would be her first serious combat mission. She couldn't deny that she was a little nervous. Suzaku is a little further east of the base in the Lancelot while he waits tense for Zero to arrive.

When the enemy units are within range, fire is opened immediately. Estelle and Ledo activate their shields while simultaneously engaging in close combat. Suzaku is immediately greeted by a KMF who is very familiar to him. The Guren from Kallen.

“This is how we meet again, Suzaku!”, she greets her arch-rival, ready to fight and determined to be victorious.

"So are you following Zero's orders again, Kallen !?", Suzaku says, who immediately starts the attack. A battle ensues between the two, whereby both seem to be equally strong.

“I fight for my country! What can't be said about you!” Kallen replies angrily and at the same time concentrating on the battle.

“I want to liberate my country through diplomacy. This is the only way to go!” Suzaku claims angrily and trying hard to avoid her shots.

Suzaku suddenly notices the Gawain in the background. Zero's KMF, which flies overhead to get into the building without stopping.

"Sorry, but we have to postpone our fight until later, Kallen!" He immediately targets the Gawain and follows him by flying over the Guren.  
"Stay here!" shouts Kallen as she tries to catch him with her fireable claw and bring him back. Suzaku, however, is hardly able to dogde it.

"Finally I caught you, Zero!" He thinks with a malicious grin as the Gawain turns to the Lancelot and his shots miss the target.

While Suzaku is busy with the Gawain, the Guren flies to the back of the palace, close to the building, to immediately destroy a window.  
The Guren's cockpit opens.

“Looks like our bait worked too!” smiles Kallen.

“So far everything is going according to plan. You know what you finally have to do, hold on,” says Lelouch, who, as Zero immediately climbs out of the cockpit and is thus in the palace.

"Give up, Zero! Get out of the KMF or die!” orders Suzaku angrily, the Gawain now cornered. The look on his face reflects his obsession with unmasking Lelouch as Zero. Suddenly, so shortly before, Suzaku is again targeted by Kallen.

"Kallen, damn it!" he swears when he turns back to her.  
"Well, here we go again!" Kallen replies determinedly as they continue their fight.

"Ledo, Estelle, do you hear me?" he now contacts his personal knights.  
"My lord, we have lost a few units, but reinforcements are on the way!", Ledo says, who is in combat with Estelle.

“Well, I'll tell you now what you're going to do. Retreat and target the Gawain. He doesn't get to escape, you hear!” he gives the order.

"But ... my lord ...", says Estelle, confused about his decision.

“You have to obey me absolutely. This KMF has top priority,” he commands emphatically.

"Yes, my Lord!" both say, while Suzaku continues to fight the Guren.

"Here he is! He won't escape us ...!” Estelle's gaze changes to a determined one when both of them cut off his path and he is hit by Ledo's shot, causing him to go down. They both land to wait for the cockpit to open. They aim the weapons in their KMFs on the masked person who appears.  
Zero. Both are surprised.

“We caught him, my lord. In front of us is Zero!” informs Ledo.  
"Very well, arrest him!", Suzaku says happily with an evil grin.

He flies to the main battle, where Ledo and Estelle have gathered with the arrested Zero in front of their KMFs. Their guns are pointed at him.

"Give up, or we will finish off your leader!" Suzaku finally threatens in front of Zero's allies, who reluctantly stop the fire. Surrounded by KMFs of his unit, Suzaku gets out of the Lancelot and stops in front of Zero.

Meanwhile, Lelouch, the real Zero, is looking for C.C. in the palace. He comes across guards whom he looks in the eyes without fear to give them orders through the Geass. As he gets into the elevator, he notices that there is an additional basement in it. He immediately presses the button that takes him there.

"Zero! Now we'll reveal who is hiding behind the mask!” Suzaku makes a movement with a gun in his hand, which shows him that he should take off the mask. Then he slowly takes the mask off his head and the moment Suzaku sees his face, horror spreads through him. That guy ... wasn't Lelouch. How could that be?

He had waited so much for the moment to reveal Lelouch as Zero a second time. Ledo and Estelle have also observed his behavior and neither knows what was suddenly going on in Suzaku.

"My lord, what do we do with him now?" asks Estelle finally. At least a ceasefire had just come about as a result of this situation.

"That ... is not Zero. This is just a red herring! Do whatever it takes to hold the line. I ... will catch the real Zero” Suzaku says full of hate. How could he be so stupid?! Of course, the real Zero was in the building for long, to come to the rescue of C.C. His opponent ... was Lelouch after all. And what was Lelouch's favorite thing to do? - He played chess.

He immediately runs to the entrance of the building.  
"... Yes, my Lord!" Estelle and Ledo are impressed by his ability to combine, if that should actually be the case. After all, none of them knew that Suzaku had expected a familiar face under the mask and that was the only reason why he got the idea.

“It's best if we play for time, Ledo. We keep this alleged Zero in our field of fire, because it looks like they don't want to lose him, be it the leader or not,” says Estelle tactically.

“Kallen, what is it like outside?” Lelouch informs himself via wireless.

Kallen, who circled around the back of the palace with the Guren, got an overview and replied, “There is a truce. Just as you foresaw. Suzaku stormed into the building, you should hurry up!”  
It was not only Suzaku's unit, whose played through the ceasefire for time. Now it was probably Suzaku or Lelouch. Who came out victorious?

“I think I found where she is being held. Be ready!” replies Lelouch.

When Suzaku sprints through the corridors looking for a hint of Zero, he notices the broken window. He must have broken in here. So he could rule out that he was at the other end of the palace and that he was looking in the right compartment. Or ... was that some kind of diversion again? Should he just believe that he was here somewhere? He then pauses briefly while looking around for clues. Then it occurs to him. It had taken the Guren a long time to follow Suzaku while Suzaku took care of the Gawain. So Kallen must have dropped Zero here on the way.

Lelouch enters the basement room, which was too well guarded to be just an empty room. In front of him is a cage that was wrapped in an energy shield. And in this one, there was in withe forced clothing ... C.C., which Lelouch immediately looks at with relief when she sees him.

He almost missed the prison guard holding a gun to his head. Lelouch stretches his arms upwards, while he immediately uses the chance to activate his Geass.  
"You will now follow my orders!" Lelouch says, grinning maliciously.  
Hypnotized, the guard agrees.

“Tell me the password to deactivate the energy shield!” he orders.

"I am sorry, only Lord Kururugi is in the knowledge of it," he replies humbly.

Damn it, Suzaku wasn't as stupid as Lelouch thought. Suzaku was the only one who couldn’t be affected by his Geass and would also never reveal the password voluntarily. Probably he wouldn't even reveal it to his most loyal knights. Lelouch is now clearly angry at this realization.

"Deactivate the surveillance cameras!" he reacts angrily.

At least the guard was able to fulfill this order.  
"And now ... die!" Lelouch quickly points his weapon at him when the guard falls over dead from a shot in the head, while the blood that splatters from the wound spreads onto the floor.

He puts the gun away and turns to C.C. after taking off his mask.  
"C.C., I'll get you out of here, you just have to be patient," he promises her. She smiles when she sees his face. So Lelouch had his memories back.

He is now thinking under high pressure how to get the password. Suzaku trusted his knights ... but not on this matter .... And his knights ... trusted their lord. But what if ... if that trust were broken?

Estelle, his personal knight, who went to his class at the time, was hoping for a romantic relationship with him. Why else, did she accept the charade of becoming the knight of an Eleven ?! An idea occurs to him.

He turns back to C.C. “I know how to get you out of here. Estelle is the key. You have to give her a Geass!“, Lelouch says.

"A ... Geass ...? Lelouch, you know, the power of Geass, I don't decide it. It is the person's inner desire that defines its ability,” C.C. alludes, because she is not so sure what makes Lelouch so sure about it.

"Exactly. And Estelle will soon only want one thing: to find out the truth about her 'great' Lord!” He has a calculating expression that turns into a strategically confident grin.

Maybe Lelouch had already found C.C.? Suzaku runs to the elevator in panic. When he arrived in the basement, he steps in front of the door that leads to the prisoner's cell. It is guarded from the outside by two guards.

“Let me pass!” Suzaku orders them harshly. He wanted to assure himself that everything was still okay.

"We have received orders not to let anyone pass, Lord Kururugi," both men reply in monotonous voices as they block his way.

"What?! I am your lord! Who gave you the order?!” Suzaku bites his teeth in horror and anger. His gaze alternates between the two men, skeptically analyzing, while they do nothing more than emphatically reject him.

Suzaku suddenly pulls the left guard's gun out of its holder and immediately takes the initiative by pulling the trigger. In a flash he turns to the other security guard and before he can draw his gun, he drops dead too. Suzaku lowers his hand in which he is holding the gun and looks down with anger and indifference at the corpses for which he was responsible.

Lelouch knew he had to get out of here as soon as possible. He puts his mask back on and quickly contacts Kallen.

“Kallen, can you dig your way down to the basement with the Guren?!” he asks frantically. A bit of panic arose in him because he thought he had heard gunshots behind the thick steel doors.  
“Sure, it's my turn, Lelouch! I received your coordinates!” However, it was too early for him to be relieved.

Suddenly the electronic sliding door opens.  
While Lelouch has turned to C.C., he freezes when he hears someone entering the room behind him. He turns around, suspecting what to expect, and sees Suzaku, who is aiming a pistol at his head and is looking hateful.

"Take off your mask, Zero!" threatens Suzaku with a serious expression, which scared Lelouch. The last time he was so full of anger and hatred, he had seen his former best friend when he was first revealed as Zero. It had been torture for Lelouch too.

When he hesitates to even touch his mask to take it off, he notices Suzaku's strained look and that he is beginning to tremble with overwhelming emotions with the hand in which he is holding the gun.

"Come on! Show me that this time the real Zero is standing in front of me!" he orders furiously, reluctant to pull the trigger further back.

"I want to see your face, ... Lelouch!" His obsession makes him pull the trigger, which shot only touches on Lelouch's mask, as the ceiling begins to shake and threatens to collapse over them. Panicked, Suzaku moves several meters away from the spot where he was standing just a moment ago. Shortly afterwards the Guren breaks through the ceiling with a crash.

Suzaku is thrown away a little before he realizes that the KMF, who caused him the greatest problems, was in the same room and wanted to help Zero to escape. He wants to run to Zero to prevent his escape, but his way is cut off by the Guren.

“Just leave it be, Suzaku. You don't get Zero!” shouts Kallen.

Suzaku has an angry expression on his face as he looks around for something that could stop them.  
Suddenly shots come from the direction of the entrance. Kallen immediately throws himself with the Guren in front of Lelouch to protect him when the shots narrowly miss.

"Suzaku!" Estelle runs worriedly towards him, while Ledo continues to aim with shots at Zero.

"Estelle, don't let Zero escape!" He angrily makes it clear to her that she is walking in the wrong direction. But Estelle stands in front of Suzaku with a gun pointed at the Guren. Estelle understood her lord more less, the KMF who was with them could kill them all in no time, so their own safety came first. Estelle shoots at the Guren trying to defend himself and Suzaku.

“Sorry, Suzaku's knight! But if you don't lay down your gun, I can't guarantee your safety!” At the moment Kallen wanted just one thing: to get out of here with a living Lelouch and as long as he wasn't in the cockpit, he could easily be wounded if she was in the hand of the Guren without any protection shield around. So she flings Ledo, Estelle and Suzaku with a vortex of the rotation of the Guren, a few meters across the room and uses her inability to fight to escape with Lelouch in hand.

Suzaku is the first to get back on his feet, then Ledo and Estelle also pull themselves up.  
Estelle first looks at Suzaku, who has an unreadable look, which was a bit scary. Then she notices the energy shield ... and the green-haired girl that was inside. Her expression was astonishment. The fact that the friend of her former classmate, Lelouch, was held here raised questions in her.

“Ledo, Estelle, why did you leave your position?!” asks their lord angrily.

“My lord, we ... thought you might need our help. Zero's troops suddenly withdrew when we threatened to harm their alleged Zero,” explains Ledo.

"! ... And what about the wrong zero? Was he captured?” he replies, still serious.

"He is in our custody," Estelle says.  
"Well. Even if I don't think he'll be of any use to us,” says Suzaku with conviction.

“Suzaku ... my lord. Why ... are you holding her captive? What did she do to you?” Estelle asks suddenly, but with caution, because Suzaku was anything but predictable today.

“She's not who you think you know. Now get out of here, we'll deal with the rest tomorrow,” orders her lord.  
“Yes, my Lord”, both of them are forced to reply.

Estelle didn't know Suzaku anymore. He held Lelouch's friend prisoner. And apparently for no reason he wanted to tell her. Gradually she no longer knew what was still the truth and when he was lying to her.

"Oh, and tell the cleaning ladies that they are needed here," he orders as he walks past them and takes one last look at the three dead bodies.  
Estelle and Ledo clearly sense that something is wrong with Suzaku. He was so ruthless as if he felt nothing, not even a little pity.

A few hours later, Lelouch returned to his secret base in Japan. He and Kallen get out of the Guren, with Lelouch leaning relaxed against the railing. Kallen leans next to him, with a relieved smile that she and Zero are back safe and sound.

"Lelouch ... guess we couldn't complete the mission successfully today ..." Kallen sighs.  
Lelouch, however, turns to her with a grin, which tells her that he had a plan.

"It looks like this game ended in a draw ... but it didn't."

Kallen then looks at him questioningly.  
"Suzaku not only couldn't reach his goal, and thus didn't win ... he also lost something else, he just doesn't know it yet ..." Lelouch smirks maliciously as he thinks about his opponent.

"Suzaku ... you may outperform me when it comes to sporting disciplines, but ... you must have forgotten what game we actually play. We play chess."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter Suzaku goes insane.


	11. The Knight's Loathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Suzaku's mind is all about Lelouch. This makes him move on to actions that no longer correspond to any morality. The memory of the last and fateful night together with his former best friend is awakened in him.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **!WARNING!:**  
>  Contains rape/violence.  
> Insane Suzaku.
> 
> 7.4k words.

## The Knight's Loathing

What had happened today and what Suzaku had done caused an internal struggle in his mind. According to his morals, which he wanted so badly to live up to, shooting his own guards would never have sanctified the purpose. They wouldn't let him pass, so they had to die. No, not because of that. They were on Zero's side. He had manipulated them, just as he manipulated him by ordering him to live. So they could no longer be saved. They had to die. On the other hand, why was he sure they were manipulated by Zero? After all, they hadn't done him anything. If the order came from somewhere else, and thus Zero was not Lelouch, then he had wrongly killed them..

Oh no - he couldn't let Lelouch fool him. Maybe that's exactly what he wanted to achieve. To unsettle Suzaku.

Zero - no, Lelouch - a shame, that he has escaped today. Suzaku had him almost under his control. He wanted to unmask him so badly. He wanted so badly to see his mask fall in front of him to reveal his former best friend again. And then he would have loved to hold the pistol to his heart and shoot. This bastard, who had ruined all his desires for the fulfillment of his own selfish goals, was to receive his punishment.

Suzaku had failed this time, but Zero didn't get what he was looking for, either. And Suzaku was certain that he would not give up and would try a second time to free CC. And then he would be ready. Finally getting what has made his mental state so unstable since then .. His pent-up anger of Lelouch left him with only one goal in mind. He had to get rid of him first in order to move on to his mission, which he and Euphie could never complete. Liberating his country.

“I will not lose, Lelouch. I will free the world from Zero once and for all! ", he thinks with a hateful look, sitting on his bed and clenching his hand into a fist, before throwing himself his sleeping pills.

The next day, Suzaku is in the interrogation room with the false Zero. Estelle, Ledo and the rest of the team can watch through the glass front and listen through microphones. Estelle senses something threatening in Suzaku as he enters the room, dressed in his Knight uniform with the long blue cloak. He has a scowl on and she can tell that he is anything but pleased with the outcome of yesterday's mission. She wouldn't want to be in the prisoner's shoes right now, that was for sure.

"Tell me who is behind the mask of the real Zero!", Suzaku suddenly prompts him with a harsh tone.

The man looks clearly intimidated.

"I, ... I really don't know!" he replies hesitantly.

Suzaku's gaze then darkens even more. He no longer had any tolerance for possible games, because he had already lost too much for that through Zero's actions and tricks.

"Oh is it so?! Speak the truth! Did you see Zero, your leader, unmasked? Do you know what he looks like?! Black hair, not yet 20 years old ...?!” Suzaku is eager to hear the answer he wants to hear.

Estelle and Ledo wonder why their lord had such a precise idea of Zero's appearance. Was he suspecting a certain person of being Zero? If so, who and why?

Estelle feels more and more betrayed by her lord. They have never talked about the things that play a decisive role in Suzaku's psyche. Although they were so close in private. But from his point of view, there was never anything to talk about. Therefore, Estelle assumed that his mental state was to blame for the fateful event with Euphemia and the guilt of having betrayed his country through the murder of his father.

"No ... I've never seen him unmasked!"

Suzaku grits his teeth. That was not a satisfactory answer.

"Why do you think the black knights left you behind?" He suddenly changes the subject. What was he trying to do? Estelle and Ledo had told him that the black knights didn't want to risk his life and had therefore left him behind instead of continuing to attack. So what did he want to hear? What was going on in Suzaku?

“They didn't want to endanger my life. That's why they left me behind, ” replies the man in an anxious voice.

"No. I don't think so. You’ve been left to let us think this. Zero was never about saving your life. It was just an excuse to buy time. Hence the truce when my knights threatened your life. In the meantime, Zero was able to invade the palace unnoticed,” explains Suzaku his theory, which also seemed very plausible to his audience. It was just like Lelouch. He almost never left anything to chance. He was an excellent strategist and he loved chess. Suzaku knew that better than anyone.

"What..?! No, they'll get me out of here, Zero does care about me!” He contradicts, upset and panicked.

"It's true that it's not Zero's style to let his own people down." After these words, a devilish grin forms on Suzaku's face.

Estelle wasn't sure what he was up to, but she didn't like it at all. His behavior indicated that every means was now right for him and that nothing was sacred to him anymore. Cécile and Ledo are also observing the situation with doubts, in relation to what might now follow. However, no one was ready to intervene. Nobody wanted to publicly question Suzaku's judgment and authority.

"You, however ... you don't belong to Zero's Black Knights at all!!" he says with a murderous look as he pulls out his pistol and points it at the man in front of him.

Estelle's eyes widen in shock. Cécile and Ledo are also stunned. He wasn't really going to shoot, did he? Because if there's the possibility that it isn't one of Zero's people !?

“Suzaku, stop it! Put down your gun, you don't have to shed even more blood than Zero did yesterday with three guards!” Estelle suddenly shouts, which he overhears through the microphone.

Meanwhile he turns his head to look at her seriously through the glass wall and immediately afterwards turns back to the prisoner. With this he shows that he would not let anyone dissuade him.

"You are just a hostage of Zero that he manipulated!"

"No, I -", the prisoner wants to contradict him pleadingly, but a shot sounds before he can finish his sentence.

Suzaku looks at him with a hateful look in the eyes when blood splatters from the fore-head of the person opposite him and he tips his upper body forward onto the table top with wide eyes, while smoke puffs up from the barrel of the weapon used.

Estelle and the rest of the audience are shocked to see Suzaku's reckless act.

He lowers the gun, gives the corpse one last condescending look, and then leaves the interrogation room. There an angry Estelle awaits him, who is eager to find an explanation. He had captured C.C., told her nothing about it, and now, for reasons inexplicable to her, he himself executed a prisoner. And what also had to be mentioned, he had a suspicion what Zero's real identity was.

“Suzaku! Why ... why did you do that ?! ” Estelle desperately wants to understand.

He stops before he can walk past her. Then he looks at her seriously without moving his head in her direction. He looks down on her because he is taller than his knight, and he still has that threatening aura.

“For the same reason I shot the two guards outside C.C.'s prison. They were all manipulated by Zero. So they had to be eliminated.” His voice was calm but frightening. But his words were even more frightening to Estelle.

Wasn't it Zero who shot all three guards? Her lord ... Suzaku ... was responsible for the deaths of two? Now she had even more doubts about Suzaku's decisions and everything she thought she knew about him. Was she so wrong about her lord? Was he really capable of such unscrupulous acts? Was that his real face?

"You ... shot ... two of our men ...", Estelle summarized in shock.

“As I said, they were under Zero's influence. They were all no longer people, but puppets,” he says disparagingly as he tries to leave the room.

“Do you have any proof of that ?!” Estelle suddenly shouts.

Then he turns around one last time, “No. But that doesn't matter anymore."

It actually didn't play any role for him. He'd been guilty of murder before he wanted to risk killing a possible traitor. Even if he couldn't be sure if they had actually been traitors.

When he disappears through the door, he leaves a depressed and very thoughtful Estelle. While she is rooted in the room, Cécile and Ledo set off to have the corpse carried away and the blood that was scattered all over the room to be removed.

Suddenly, in the middle of the cleanup, an interested Luciano comes by when he sees a dead man being transported away.

“Well, what happened here? Didn't our killscore holder want to let his quota drop?!“, he snaps with a malicious grin.

“Lord Bradley. He did with the prisoners what would probably have happened to them anyway ... “, replies Cécile, looking self-assured, but inwardly doubting Suzaku's actions.

“Hmm, I see. Then Kururugi is now the court. Not that anyone misunderstand me, I would have done the same to my prisoners. Bwahaha, it seems like I have morals after all! ” Luciano laughs sarcastically.

He had to take advantage of the broken trust between this hypocritical Lord of an Eleven and his wretched subordinate.

Cécile just turns away from him in silence, while Estelle sticks him into view.

He walks up to her, whereupon she expressionlessly lifts her head to look him in the eye.

"Well, disappointed with your oh so great lord ?!" he grins.

Yes, you could say that. She was disappointed in him. Should she now agree with Luciano so that he would stop reproaching her? After all, Suzaku had slowly no longer deserved to be defended by her. He didn't seem to trust her in any way. He lied to her, he didn't ask permission if he wanted to sleep with her, he even went so far as to punish her by having her transferred to Luciano. His actions today showed again that he was a hypocrite through and through. What of his actions did he really do for the benefit of others and what for his own?

"If you have expectations of someone, you can only be disappointed after all," says Estelle desperately but confidently and lets Luciano know that he is by no means better at it, since she had always considered him to be the worst kin of person.

“How true, how true. And at some point, you too should know when you should no longer have expectations of someone. And generally not of Elevens,” he grins sardonically as he walks past her and leaves the compartment.

Cécile approaches her at once.

"Estelle ... hey ..., Ledo reported to me what happened yesterday. Between Suzaku and Zero, I mean. Suzaku is very unstable mentally when it comes to Zero ... I don't know either. And since he escaped, Suzaku is still so angry that he is no longer himself ... “, she tries to comfort Estelle.

"I just don't understand him ... why doesn't he trust me and tell me what is bothering him ... why is he hiding so many things from me, why is he lying to me ..." she puzzles desperately, looking down on the floor.

“Suzaku also likes to lie to himself. He probably doesn't want to believe himself who he is ... “, replies Cécile thoughtfully.

"I finally have to know what's going on inside his mind!" Estelle now makes up her mind and immediately sets off to find Suzaku.

"Good luck ...", comes out of earshot, depressed by Cécile, whom Suzaku had never seen herself so hateful and striving for his revenge.

Estelle knocks on the large wooden door of her lord's office. When there is no reaction, she decides to open the door and enter.

Suzaku is standing in front of the window, facing outwards.

"I did not allow you to enter", says her lord seriously, who immediately turns around to see his knight. He hadn't changed his uniform yet, although there was a lot of blood and blood splatters on it.

“Suzaku, please. I want to talk to you. We're between ourselves now,” Estelle tries to appease him. She looks him a little frightened in his not very enthusiastic face.

“I am still your lord to you. Address me with the correct title,” he orders her harshly.

She then has to swallow, he had never made it so clear to her how high importance it had for him. She knew that being addressed as "Lord" triggered something in him, but he had never commanded her emphatically when they were alone.

“My lord ... I ask to speak to you. I still have unanswered question, ” she speaks formally, her head bowed and her gaze revered.

"Is it about C.C.? I told you she's not who she pretends to be. She is a high-ranking member of the black knight, ” Suzaku says bluntly.

"A ... member of the Black Knights ... her ?! Then ... why is she being held in hiding? Why don't you let me in, Suzaku!" She reacts reproachfully after realizing his words.

“First of all, it's called 'Lord'. And secondly, why should I let you in on something if you don't even show me, as my knight, the necessary respect?!” His words are hurtful for Estelle. She doesn't understand what's going on in Suzaku. His anger and hatred canalize themselves into everything he did and said.

Estelle keeps her eyes down, inwardly torn as to how things would go on between them in general. Was Suzaku - her lord, really the asshole considered by how he was treating her?! Was that the Suzaku behind his facade and had she never noticed it before? Or did his disastrous mental state have something to do with meeting Zero, and that's it, what made him so inconsiderate?

"My Lord ... you have an emotional bond with Zero ... and you know the person behind his mask, right? Is that why you really want to catch him? Because this person has abused your trust, you don't trust anyone anymore, do you? You are concerned with much more than just avenging the death of Euphemia ... “, concludes Estelle, who tries to put the fragments of everything that happened together.

If she had known what her words were causing in Suzaku, she would have thought better of what she was confronting him with.

Memories flash in him. Memories, which he kept buried deep in his head and which he never mentioned because he was confronted with the associated suffering again. He had had many painful experiences so far, but those were his most painful. They brought him into a mental state over which he had no control.

Suddenly he walks past her in silence with a fixed look and lets the door slam shut. Then he locks it electronically with his fingerprint and a confirmed click.

Estelle stands motionless while a shiver of fear runs through her when she realizes that Suzaku is apparently keeping her trapped in a room with him. She has to think of Luciano and what he asked of her. These thoughts trigger another shiver of fear in her. When she straightens her head, she sees Suzaku standing a meter in front of her.

"Get on your knees!", Suzaku suddenly orders.

She is rigid with shock. Was her lord really asking for what she had hoped that set him apart from Luciano? She stands rooted to the spot in front of him, possibilities of escape are rattling in her head. The only one that was there was through the window, but that meant certain death from the floor on which they were.

“I said, bow down to me!” He said emphatically.

"Suzaku, my lord ... please ... I'm sorry if I said the wrong thing," she begs him to stop, intimidated. But when he approaches her unimpressed, her Geass activates, which forces her to kneel. In a state of fear, she comes to conscious again. She feels how he grabs her hair to turn her gaze up to him.

"Never again mention this name in connection with Zero …," threatens Suzaku.

"Yes, my lord," she says, scared, while her head hurts.

Then he lets go of her. She breathes out, freed from the uncomfortable pulling.

She wants to get up slowly when he immediately grabs her shoulders and holds her down. Shocked by his sudden reaction, she doesn't fight back and hopes it'll be over soon, hopes he'll let her go after that.

But it was not like that. With an expressionless look, he opens his belt with one hand and then his pants in order to free himself from the fabric underneath. His hip is at Estelle's eye level in front of her.

"Show me how skilled you are in sucking dicks," he commands with a grin as he rests on her shoulders with both hands.

That wasn't the Suzaku she knew. That couldn't be the real Suzaku, who hid behind the facade. He wasn't himself anymore. He was psychopathic, something erased his mind and his moral values. And it seemed to have something to do with Zero's true identity.

Memories flash before his eyes again. Memories of the night he spent with Lelouch after he killed Euphie and, as a result, his joyful life shattered into ten thousand pieces.

_It was already late at night and a thunderstorm was thundering in the sky. Lelouch found himself sitting on his bed, shaken by what had happened, with his face in his hands. He had killed Euphie. His half sister and at the same time girlfriend of his best friend. Tears of desperation dripped onto the floor. What did he do?! How could such an unfortunate event happen with his Geass?! Why, of all times, when everything should get better ..._

_He suddenly heard the metallic sound of a key and looked at the door. It was opened immediately and Suzaku came to light standing in the door frame. His white knight uniform was soaked in blood, his face was tearful and his expression was full of sadness, despair and hatred. When he entered, he silently let the door shut behind him and then raised his gaze to see Lelouch sitting on the edge of the bed._

“ _S_ _uzaku!_ _Are you all right... ? The blood, let me see”, Lelouch managed desperately to say as he stood in front of Suzaku and unbuttoned his uniform._

_"_ _Lelouch ... it's okay ... this is not my blood …," he said with a downcast look, thanking his best friend for the care._

“ _I ... k_ _now what happened ... Euphie ... my little sister ... is dead .... I'm so sorry, Suzaku! ... ,“ Lelouch said, who had great inner feelings of guilt._

“ _It's n_ _ot your fault ... Oh Lelouch ... I ... what should I do now? ... How ... should I go on living without her! ” He burst into tears again._

_Lelouch looked at him sympathetically as he gave him a comforting hug. They paused for a while until his sobs grew quieter and then broke away from the embrace. Meanwhile, Lelouch had to restrain himself not to start crying again, because Suzaku's words made him remembering again that it was all his fault._

_Suzaku then looked Lelouch into his wet eyes. He realized how much it must have taken his best friend too that Suzaku's girlfriend had passed away. Suzaku stripped off his clothes to fall into bed in boxer shorts. He would probably howl to sleep now, if he could sleep at all. Then he suddenly felt a warm body join him in bed._

_"_ _Lelouch ...?" Suzaku muttered surprised._

_He turned the other way and looked up at his best friend's sparkling amethysts. His mouth was shaped into a gentle smile. Suzaku suddenly felt desire, although he was still grieving. That was the need for mutual comfort that he now felt._

_Lelouch had come to Suzaku to give himself to him. He wanted to feel his best friend inside himself now, to comfort himself and him, to distract himself and ... because he still loved him, loved Suzaku._

_Suzaku recognized his need and leaned over him when he immediately kissed him passionately. Lelouch welcomed the kiss and returned it with full devotion. He also didn't wear more than his underwear and these too slowly became uncomfortably tight and soon had to go. While there was a tongueplay between the two of them, Lelouch lifted his hips to make it easier for Suzaku to free him from his pants. They gasped heavily when they parted again._

_Suzaku looked at Lelouch with an honest smile as he turned from his back onto all fours. Suzaku then opened the bedside table drawer to grab the lubricant from it. Then he spread the slimy substance in Lelouch's anals, which immediately, touched by the cold fingers of his best friend, uttered a groan. But when Suzaku took off his pants and wanted to lend a hand to massage his member completely hard, Lelouch suddenly turned to him. He shot him a look that let Suzaku know that his best friend wanted to do this for him._

_When Lelouch put his hand around his member, Suzaku gasped immediately. Only a few skillful movements followed and then he felt Lelouch's mouth around his, now a lot harder, erection._

_"_ _Mmmh ... Lelouch ...", Suzaku gasped._

_He closed his eyes as he let his best friend satisfy him orally. But when he couldn't give in to the urge to move in his mouth, Lelouch broke away from him with a grin on his lips,_

_"_ _We still want to have fun in a different way! .." he said when he looked into the lust-veiled face of his best friend._

_He was right, of course. Now that his cock was really hard, they could continue. The grief that both of them felt before has now been completely replaced by lust._

_When he turned Lelouch around with a smile, he noticed that his member was hard too. He positioned himself in front of Lelouch's entrance. Thanks to his saliva, which was now on Suzaku's dick, he no longer needed to use lubricant._

_"_ _Ready, Lelouch?" Suzaku asked, holding back himself with pleasure._

_"_ _Come on, Suzaku!" Lelouch said impatiently._

_It had been a while since Lelouch had last felt such great desire and slept with Suzaku. Since his best friend was in a relationship with his half-sister, they hadn't had intimate contact. Lelouch had missed Suzaku._

_Of course he had been jealous of Euphie at first, but it made him somehow happy that Suzaku finally seemed to have found happiness. And Lelouch knew that even if he had never met Euphie, Suzaku would still not have fallen in love with his best friend, who was Zero on top of that. It had not been an easy time to part with what they both had together. They were still best friends ever since, but they no longer shared sexual desires._

_He entered Lelouch carefully and slowly. It cost Suzaku a lot of effort to hold back and not to fuck him like mad. Suzaku had almost forgotten how much he missed Lelouch. Their nights together as best friends were always special to him._

“ _Is it ... ok_ _ay ...?", Suzaku asked, and wanted to make sure that Lelouch wasn't in pain when he was almost completely inside him._

“ _Go_ _on, Suzaku! … Please ”, whined Lelouch, who welcomed Suzaku's cock and had already got used to its size._

_He did as he was told and began to move inside him with gentle thrusts. At the same time he grabbed Lelouch's erection with one hand, which he then massaged in the same rhythm. His moaning became louder as Suzaku accelerated the rhythm and now moved faster and deeper into Lelouch's tightness in and out. When he reached his climax groaning and came, his warm seeds splashed into Lelouch, who came into Suzaku's hand right after him. He withdrew from him again and both threw themselves panting on their backs._

_"_ _Hah ... Lelouch ... that ... was really satisfying …," gasped Suzaku._

_It felt like he hadn't slept with anyone but his girlfriend in ages. And now that she was no longer there, he could be glad to still have his best friend by his side. Not primarily because of the sex, but because he knew he could trust him with everything. Lelouch would never let him down. That just became clear to him again and gave him new courage. Thanks to Lelouch, he would somehow be able to survive the desperate situation he found himself in now. As long as he still had him, he hadn't lost everything, after all. And he would get his revenge on Zero too._

_"I can only agree_ _." Lelouch uttered panting._

“ _So, um ... thank you, Lelouch. You know ... you really are the best friend I've ever had. I'm so glad that at least I haven't lost you. You mean a lot to me," Suzaku suddenly said with a sad smile._

_Lelouch felt touched by his words and at the same time extremely guilty. Suzaku trusted him .... If his best friend ever found out that Lelouch was Zero, then ... it wasn't just Suzaku who would be very hurt._

“ _You're welcome_ _, Suzaku. We both ... stick together! United we can reach every goal! " Lelouch encouraged him, while he forced a weak smile._

“ _Exactly! Together nothing can stop us!" Suzaku smiled, who had now gained new courage to face life._

“ _Lelouch, my ultimate goal is now to expose Euphie's murderer and bring him to justice! Zero must be stopped at all costs. Will. you... support me? " Suzaku asked his best friend for help._

_He couldn't help it, Zero had to pay for what he had done to him and the world. While his goal to catch Zero was previously on his list, Suzaku now had a personal reason why his priorities were re-set. What he wanted was justice._

_Lelouch had hoped that it would never happen that Suzaku asked him for support on his side against Zero. Because that was even worse than suppress the fact from his best friend that_ _**he was** _ _this Zero. He didn't want to fight him, but he couldn't fight with him while Suzaku was on the wrong side. And now it was too late to fight on the same side once and for all - if Lelouch came out as Zero, then he knew what to expect. After all that Lelouch had to answer for, Suzaku would never trust him again if he should find out about it._

“ _I ... - you can rely on your best friend!" He assured him supportively, but a tear left his eyes._

“ _Thank you, Lelouch! I knew you can be relied on!" Suzaku smiled relieved, while he looked Lelouch in the eye._

She probably had no choice but to grant his wish. She wanted to get over it with as quickly as possible and as long as he didn't physically cause her pain, she did what her lord would ask of her.

She grips his member with one hand trembling when he looks down at her with interest. She tries to concentrate on the fact that he would let her go afterwards and the sooner she got that over with, the sooner it was done.

His cock is already half hard when she hesitantly touches his glans with her lips. She immediately lets her tongue circle as she takes the tip in her mouth.

A lustful smile forms on Suzaku's lips when he feels his knight's mouth around his cock for the first time.

A gasp tells her that her lord likes it. As she becomes relatively comfortable with her breathing, she absorbs more of him. She notices how it gets harder under her sucking touch.

"Ahh ... you are really not bad orally ... why have you never shown me these skills?!" he states, panting and grinning. Bundled hatred and suppressed despair seemed to trigger a drugged mental state in him. His moral values were turned off and only the part of his mind that felt good to him was still active.

As she continues, hoping it's over soon, he suddenly puts his hands off her shoulders on her head and repositions himself while his dick is still in her mouth.

"It's best to take a deep breath, I want to fuck your mouth a little more now before you make me cum with your tongue," he points out.

She was now afraid that he would physically hurt her, even though she followed his orders. She had hoped he wouldn't force her to do anything that caused her pain. The control he had exercised over her so far only hurt her mentally.

He felt powerful through control. Her obedience aroused him. All abuse so far has taken place on a psychological level. Now, however, she could no longer assess his current mental state. What if he found pleasure in physically torturing her too? Her tremors are getting stronger again.

"Hey, breathe, I said!" He gives her the instruction when he realizes that she seemed to react in a panic. She closes her eyes as she tries to calm down and inhales and exhales deeply.

"That's good ..." he praises her as he begins to move in her mouth.

When he thrusts as deep as possible in her throat, she has to concentrate on ignoring her nausea. While hiis thrusts get faster, and as she tries to breathe steadily, her lord, panting, enjoys the tension that rises through him. With one last thrust he cums into her mouth. She immediately wants to spit it out reflexively, but Suzaku keeps her head pressed against his dick until he has completely emptied himself into her mouth. Then he lets go of her.

Coughing heavily, she lets herself fall forward on her hands, head on the floor, while liquids leave her mouth.

Meanwhile he pulls up his pants and closes his belt. Then he looks down at her at his feet. She slowly straightens up as her breathing normalizes.

"Will you let me go now?" She asks bitterly when she looks at him.

However, he does not answer her. Suddenly in Suzaku the vision begins to clear again, which clouds his mind. He is stabbed in pain and then puts his hands on his head while his eyes widen in shock. There is a fight against his psyche in him.

Estelle is shocked to see his condition. She looks at him horrified, unsure what to do next. The room was still locked and Cécile couldn't get her to help, because she didn't have a radio with her and Suzaku must have deactivated his.

"Suzaku ... do you hear me? Let me help you and unlock the door!” Estelle says hopefully. However, there is no reaction, he is still holding on to the head and now has a relaxed, but mentally absent expression on his face.

"I have ... what have I ...", Suzaku stutters, looking into the void.

Was he slowly coming to mind again? Was he beginning to realize what he had done now that he was satisfied? Had he been so intoxicated that he didn't realize what he was doing?

“It's okay, Suzaku! Let's look ahead ... it's not your fault what happened, it wasn't really you!” Estelle desperately tries to convince him.

If she could free him from his mental situation, then she would be able to free herself too. Even if she was still in shock from what he had done to her, she had to keep a cool head now.

"Not ... my fault? ... Not ... myself?" He repeated her words thoughtfully.

"Yes exactly! I'm your friend, you can trust me!” She is pleased that her words seem to have an effect.

But suddenly his neutral absent expression changes to a serious one.

"Trust ...,” he suddenly repeats doubtfully. That word had a negative connotation to him.

Estelle notices that his condition is getting worse again. Oh no, under no circumstances did she want him to pick up where he left off with her. He had to regain his sanity, otherwise he wouldn't let her out and who knows what else he was capable of. Even if she was lucky and someone knocked on the office door and that someone was Cécile, he wouldn't stop before then.

“Suzaku, please ... let's work together! Let's not be further against each other, we are on the same team! You and I together ... we could achieve so much together!” She asks him, hoping that he will realize again that she is his knight who fought at his side.

But instead bringing him back to his senses with her words, another memory with Lelouch is awakened in Suzaku. He had used such words as Zero to pull him to his side at the time. Even then, Suzaku could have guessed that his best friend was hiding under the mask, from the way he talked to him. But he had been too blind for that, he just didn't want to admit that Lelouch should be Zero and that his supposed best friend could do something so heartbreaking to him. Lelouch had murdered his girlfriend, Euphie. And to make matters worse, he had given him consolation and made him a promise. It was obviously all hypocrisy. Nothing of Lelouch's words were true. Suzaku felt the abyss one step closer and faced the facts as Lelouch's mask fell. Who could he still trust?

His whole body suddenly begins to tremble and his facial expression turns into a psychotic one, his gaze fixed on the floor.

"We ... are on the same team, huh?" Suzaku suddenly sarcastically lifts his head and looks bitterly at Estelle, who is then startled.

She automatically takes a few steps back, intimidated, while he walks slowly towards her and she looks him into his hateful eyes.

"After all you've done to me, do you seriously think I would join you?" He continues angrily.

Estelle stands as close to the wall as possible as he supports his hands to the left and right of her head. She was in a big panic, but didn't really know what to do.

"What ... did I do to you?" She gathers her courage when she asks stuttering.

His eyes narrow to slits.

“You know that yourself! You are such a damn hypocrite, our friendship probably never meant anything to you ... Or why else, were you Zero the whole time?!” he says, deeply angry and hurt at the same time. An immense anger had gradually built up in him, so that he takes Estelle for Lelouch.

His words in Estelle raise even more questions about what was going on in Suzaku and she didn't like the situation at all. She wanted nothing more than to be out of here, somewhere else, away from Suzaku, even if she was in bed with Luciano now. She felt that she was nowhere more insecure than with Suzaku, who was now completely insane. And no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't win against him, he wasn't only superior to her physically, but could also use this curse to force her to do what he wished if she defended herself.

"Suzaku ... please ... you are mistaking me for the person behind Zero!" She stutters.

A derogatory grin then graces his face.

“I know the person behind Zero. And I know full well that you want to manipulate me so that I forgive you and come on your side! But your Geass doesn't work on me a second time, so forget it! "

Meanwhile, Estelle is forced to look at him with a desperate expression.

Suddenly he grabs her arms, quickly turns her back to him, and then holds her hands together behind her back with one hand.

"Ah!" She exclaims in panic, shocked by his sudden action.

"You and me, together?", Suzaku repeats her words as he leads her in front of him and pushes her to the desk where they stop.

She is very afraid of what he would do to her now. His evil grin didn't bode well for her.

"The only thing that will unite us is what I now plan to do with you!"

He's still behind her when he handcuffs her and turns her in his direction. He immediately lifts her onto the desk behind her. Then he presses her with the upper body onto the tabletop while he grabs her hips and presses himself between her legs. She now feels absolutely helpless, lying uncomfortably on her arms, wrapped in the handcuffs. She squeezes her eyes and tells herself that it won't hurt her and that it won't feel any different from the nights they had slept together before.

While he holds her waist around his with one hand, he leans forward to open her uniform and free her from the rest of the fabric underneath. Then he stands up again in front of her to remove her pants and underwear.

He looks at her for a moment as she lies helpless and under his control in front of him. Yes, he wanted to have Lelouch in front of him, to give him what he deserved by making his most beautiful memories with him the most painful memories. He should pay for betraying his trust and taking everything that was sacred to him.

"I'll give you a few memories of me that you won't forget, just like you did with me!" He says seriously.

Estelle then tries to lift her upper body a bit so that she can see him.

"Suzaku, whatever was done to you by Zero, hatred and revenge are the wrong way!" Estelle's desperate words, however, come across bitterly with Suzaku.

“ You , of all people, want to tell me about morality?! What irony," he says, shaking his head as he looks at her with contempt. No matter what she said, it seemed to stir up his hatred. She was very scared.

She suddenly feels a hand slide over her bottom, which he caress with massaging movements. When he pinches her slightly, she reflexively makes a shocking sound. What was he doing there? What was he going to do with her?

He has a sardonic grin while he rubs her bottom with both hands. Then he pulls his pants down to free himself from the tight fabric. Estelle is startled when she feels the tip of his member touch her bottom.

“You are lucky that my cock is still wet from the time before. Otherwise it would hurt even more, ” he grins when he notices her reaction.

She doesn't say anything but tries, desperately inside, to blind out everything that is happening. He lifts her hips a little higher so that the angle changes to the high of his and he can position his erection at her anal entrance.

“If you relax, there is an advantage for both of us. Unless you're into having pain?" He advises her with a derogatory grin.

She then tries somehow to get her tension under control. She knew he was saying this mainly to scare her even more by unsettling her. This version of Suzaku was by far the worst. When he became the Knight of Seven, he had been serious and dismissive to her - not out of hatred, but out of desperation. The suffering he had to endure up until then turned him from the most selfless person Estelle got to know to the most desperate, hateful person. It was the straw to break the camel's back and turned his highly moral personality into the opposite. He could no longer hold back his pent-up feelings.

While he keeps her buttocks spread, he moves in her a little and observes her reaction, which is a painful sound that cannot be suppressed.

A shiver of excitement runs down his body and he slowly thrusts deeper into her tightness, while he immediately gasps.

"Mmh ... you're so damn tight. Your last time was probably with me,” he gives in to the exciting feeling for a moment before continuing.

Estelle still half registers his words, and with narrowed eyes she thinks that she was still a virgin in both ways, oral and anal. This Zero, or rather the person Suzaku suspected behind the mask ... had he slept with him like that? So was it a "he"?

She can no longer concentrate on it when a stabbing pain spreads inside her as Suzaku thrusts into her as deeply as possible. He slowly begins to move in and out of her, whereupon she grits her teeth to suppress the pain that arises.

"Aah ... you know I missed that?" He says with his eyes closed as he moves faster and he notices how she flinches under his thrusts.

She hated what Suzaku was doing to her, to her body, to her soul. He wasn't himself and saw her as Zero during the act. His bad mental condition is due to him and he wanted to let him feel it by unloading his anger on her - an innocent woman. Zero brought him a trauma through which Suzaku now traumatized Estelle. It was probably one vicious cycle of getting hurt and hurting.

Both breathe heavily when he comes inside her. He, because of pleasure and she because of the suffering he caused her. When he buttoned his pants again, he looked at her with a satisfied and sweaty smile. Now Lelouch had got what he wanted. An union.

"Stand up. I'm done with you,” Suzaku orders with a serious expression.

As she slowly tries to get up, she experiences another pain in her buttocks. But actually she hurt so much more than her butt.

"Will ... you let me go now ...?" She asks, mentally and physically exhausted when she stands in front of him, her head bowed to the ground and her hands still tied.

He unlocks the door. Immediately two of his subordinates rush into the room.

"Take him prisoner," he orders them monotonously, while he does not even look at Estelle. The men turn their heads to each other questioningly when they see the naked woman in handcuffs in front of his desk.

"Who do you mean ..., my lord?" Asks one of the men.

"Well, him! Zero!” He says harshly as he points at Estelle with one hand.

His subordinates have a shocked expression on. Did her lord really think this helpless looking girl was Zero?

“Excuse me, sir. We didn't know that Zero ... “ but he doesn't finish his sentence when he looks into the stern eyes of his lord.

None of the followers had believed that the real Zero was actually a woman and that he came from within his own ranks.

Estelle is shocked by what happened. Not just from Suzaku's orders to lock her away, but from the seemingly blind trust of his men in him.

"Come with me!" A man orders her immediately as he grabs her upper arm and Estelle leaves Suzaku's office with him without resisting. The other picks up her clothes, which he immediately takes with him. She was too traumatized to wonder what would happen to her now. She was raped by Suzaku believing she was Zero. Was it finally over now? With his revenge on "Zero", had his mental suffering finally ended? Could Suzaku finally put Zero behind and get back to who he once was again?

When Suzaku is left alone in his office, he starts to grin maniacally. The corners of his mouth get more and more wider until he finally breaks out in crazy laughter.

That was how triumph and utter madness felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was the peak of Suzaku's bad mental condition, this fanfiction was written to lead to.  
> I once wanted to finally drive him completely insane, let him be in fully blind rage and forgetting his morals for a period of time.  
> In order to break free of his mind, he had to let go of all of his feelings he so desperately tried to suppress the whole time.   
> It's not, that his mental issues are cured now, if this should ever be possible, he had to clear things with Lelouch in person.
> 
> The next chapter is the last chapter of the first part of this series which lead into the second part, where another scenario will be the center of the story. This will be revealed in the 12th chapter.


	12. What's next

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Suzaku's memories of his misdeed seem to have been erased. When he wants to continue as before, he is put on furlough due to his mental state. Fortunately, he can use this opportunity to his advantage. _Estelle and Suzaku have a little adventure in the Lancelot._**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> contains smut.  
> 5.8k words.

## What's next

The next morning, Suzaku visits the research and development segment in the hangar to visit Cécile, who is currently evaluating data from her office screen. He wears his lord uniform with a cape, which is now all white again. When he enters the open compartment, he makes himself noticeable.

“Cécile, do you know where Estelle is? I haven't seen her all morning, and I've been expecting her for a few hours,” he says questioningly.

Cécile looks surprised and informs him that she hasn't seen Estelle since yesterday and that she did not appear for the subsequent health check as agreed.  
He then turns away from her, puzzling and angry at the same time.

“Where is she when you need her?!” he mumbles as he leaves the department.  
"I will now have to postpone my meeting," he adds mentally.

When he gets back to his office, he invites two of his guards into it.

"My lord, what did you call us to do?" asks one of the men in awe.

“My personal knight cannot be found. Find her and send her to the hangar,” he gives the order.

A confused expression forms on the two men's faces.  
"Sir, she's still in the prison," explains one.  
Suzaku is surprised.

"Why is she in the prison? What is she doing there?! “, he says annoyed. That's why he now had to postpone an important appointment. Because his knight had locked herself on purpose(?).

"Sir, yesterday you ordered us to arrest her."

He had what? There must have been a mix-up. Why should he have his knight locked up?!

“I had ordered you to capture Zero, which you were apparently too unable to do! Not my knight! Bring her here!”, Suzaku reacts angrily.

The subordinates no longer knew what to think of their lord. Yesterday they had wondered that Zero was a woman and now she apparently wasn't Zero.  
"We ... will set her free as quick as possible, my lord," says one of the men, a little intimidated, who immediately leaves the room.

"What an unreliable subordinate ... can I still rely on anyone," he mumbles angrily. He felt stressed, his head was buzzing all morning and he hadn't slept well either.

In the first basement, Suzaku's knight was locked in a cell behind bars. She sits dejected on the edge of the bed, her head bowed in thought and dressed in a white straitjacket. She was lucky that she was given clothes in the first place and that she wasn't just locked away stark naked. She hadn't said a single word since she was trapped here. Mentally she was still under the spell of Suzaku's psychological and physical abuses.

Suddenly Estelle hears step noises that get louder and louder. She is afraid to look at the person behind the bars. If it was Suzaku, what would he do with her now? Would he do the same with her as he did with the fake Zero? She wanted to feel safe from him, but she didn't even do that here, in a cell.

“Kururugi's knight in a cell! What did you do wrong that he locked you up here? Or was your noble lord just in the mood for it after he carried out the execution of the false Zero by himself yesterday?", sounds Luciano's voice.

That bastard Lord Bradley is all she needed. However, she was relieved that it wasn't Suzaku who was standing in front of her cell. Her gaze darkens as she still keeps her head down. He obviously didn't know anything about what Suzaku had done to her, which she is relieved about.

Luciano steps closer to the cell to examine her when he does not receive a malicious reaction from her.  
“You were abused by him, even though you followed his orders, weren't you? - I said, don't trust a Lord who is an Eleven ... “, Luciano then says and hits the mark with his analysis.

Estelle turns her bowed head to one side in desperation. The bad thing was, she couldn't contradict Luciano, after all he was right about what he said about Suzaku.  
"What ... do you want, Lord Bradley ...? Remind me that you are the better lord, because at least one knows what to expect from you?", Estelle suddenly let sound words over her lips.

Luciano is astonished at first and shortly afterwards amused that she apparently speaks again.  
"Actually ... I wanted to unlock your cell," he grins as he pulls a bunch of keys out of his trouser pocket.

The jingling of the keys finally makes Estelle look up. Why did Luciano want to free her? What was he up to?

After the lock clicked, the grids went up like a garage door.  
“You can decide whether you want to stay in your cell. However, I think it is a waste to lock a knight in a cell - your place is not in prison,” says Luciano, when he then turns away while grinning and leaves her alone.

Estelle is still sitting there, brooding in despair. Luciano had actually given her freedom. Probably just because he knew Suzaku would get upset about it. But she shouldn't care, because the fact is: she could disappear from here. Ideally, she could make it to Cécile and then ask her for help. She could talk to Suzaku and if he was still out of his mind then she would take the necessary steps.

Looking around, she hesitantly took the first step out of her cell. She is about to disappear from the corridor when two guards suddenly come towards her.

While Suzaku waits leaning against the desk, Cécile enters the room with a pile of documents.  
“Here are the evaluations from the last Lancelot test. Lloyd is busy repairing the damage ... well, and optimizing the affected parts at the same time,” she explains as she puts the documents on the table for him. She notices that Suzaku is holding his head and has closed his eyes.

“What ... is it, Suzaku? Are you not feeling well today?” asks Cécile concerned.

She can imagine that yesterday was still a headache for him. After all, he had been more furious than ever and had shot the prisoner for all evil. He probably regretted what he did now. Cécile didn't like to admit that Suzaku scared her too yesterday. His behavior was shocking and although she was also very worried about Suzaku's mental state, she could gradually no longer excuse his actions.

“Oh, I ... didn't sleep very well and my head is buzzing. Maybe it's because of the pills ... “, Suzaku says, who is rather unfocused.

"Maybe ... you should take a break. What has happened in the last two days ... will definitely still burden you mentally”, Cécile wants to give him the advice.

"No no. I can't take a break now, when Zero should be caught! But it was clear that he could somehow escape,” Suzaku says angrily, who tries not to concentrate on his aching head.

Cécile did not understand what he was trying to say. The real Zero already escaped the day before? Did she miss something important?  
She then lowers her head, sighing inwardly, when the guards immediately enter the room, which escort Estelle into it.

Suddenly astonishment takes over Suzaku's face when he sees his knight. She stands at the other end of the room with her head bowed, her hair hiding her face. She makes a healthy impression neither physically nor mentally.  
When Cécile sees Suzaku's gaze, who is fixed on his counterpart, she turns in the direction of the door to find a broken Estelle as well.  
Immediately the guards disappear again and leave Estelle behind.

“What ... Estelle, are you okay? What happened, where have you been?” asks Cécile worried. Apparently, Cécile had actually missed some of what had happened yesterday after Suzaku had shot the wrong Zero.

Estelle then lifts her head and replies in a monotonous voice, "I was in Suzaku's custody."

What did that mean? Suzaku knew nothing of her location, which is why he came to Cécile today and asked her. Her head turns to Suzaku questioningly, who does not overlook her mark.

“There was a mix-up. Not you should be captured, but Zero”, Suzaku says seriously.

Estelle's expression goes from bitter to surprised. Now did her lord have no idea what he had done to her? Was his psyche suffering so badly from his emotions that, now that he was back to normal, he had forgotten everything? Her look radiates desperation when she realizes that Suzaku no longer regards her as Zero, but actually still believed that he had Zero in front of him yesterday. Even if she denied it now, she would probably not get very far, since Suzaku only believed his truth.

Cécile is also astonished and wonders how such a mix-up could have come about. After all, she assumed that nothing had happened yesterday after Suzaku had shot the wrong Zero, which now had to do with Zero.

"I understand. Then I should now dedicate myself to my Knight's duties," says Estelle, in order to create a distance to Suzaku as quickly as possible. She wants to step away and leave the office when she is stopped by Cécile.

“Wait, Estelle! You come with me to the health check!", she calls after her worried. The investigation from the day before yesterday was still pending and Cécile also suspects that she has suffered more wounds due to this apparent mix-up. After all, she looked anything but healthy and her distant attitude towards Suzaku suggested that he was not uninvolved. Cécile recalls that Estelle confronted Suzaku yesterday and asked for clarification. The conversation had probably not been particularly satisfactory for Estelle.

Estelle then stops, her gaze desperately directed towards the ground.  
Cécile runs to her and they leave the room together after Suzaku gives his consent with a nod.

Estelle is led into the examination room by Cécile and asked on the bed for a body scan.  
"Cécile ... I'm fine, everything is fine," Estelle tries to talk her out of the full body check.

“The evaluation will reveal that to us. I know something must have happened, you don't look healthy. And it's definitely not just a lack of sleep,” says Cécile with conviction as she gently pushes Estelle's shoulders onto the bed.  
She gives up with a sigh. Cécile didn't know what Suzaku had done to her and she didn't want to talk to her about it out of shame.

"What are you waiting for? Please take off your uniform so that the results can be determined more precisely,” Cécile then points out.

Meanwhile, Cécile sits down at the screen to start the scan as soon as Estelle is ready. She sits motionless on the bed for a moment and then hesitantly opens her uniform. Then she slowly takes off the undergarments. When she is naked and lies down on the bed, she tells Cécile that she can now start the scan. She fully concentrates on the monitor, on which the double-sided scan of Estelle's body is transmitted and evaluated a little later.

When Cécile saw the result, she was startled. Shocked and wanting to convince herself of Estelle's condition, she turns to her. Estelle is in the process of getting dressed again, but then blushes with shame when she realizes that Cécile is eyeing her in shock.

Blue spots adorned her pretty, feminine body, especially on the wrists, shoulder blades and knees. The worst, however, were the wounds, which you couldn't see from the outside.

"Estelle ... what ... happened yesterday ... who did that to you?" Cécile asks, shocked. Estelle holds her head down in shame. Desperate, she looks at the ground and is silent.

“I can understand your despair and your shame. But ... you have to tell me who the culprit was so we can take action against him. Estelle ... you have been raped, nothing is worth keeping quiet about it!” Cécile tries to make her understand sympathetically.

Estelle is struggling with herself. She should talk about it, she should let Cécile know what had happened. Tell her who the abuser was. Even if she wasn't sure if it had any effect, Suzaku was their lord after all. Their lord, who knew nothing more of everything he had done to her yesterday.

“I beg you, Estelle! If it was Luciano who raped you, there will be consequences for someone like him too! Even a lord has no right to inflict physical suffering on his knights!” Cécile appeals angrily.

“It wasn't Luciano. It was Suzaku,” Estelle says monotonously.

Cecile's reaction is sheer horror. While she has widened her eyes and her mouth opens, she tries in vain to find a logical explanation for it. Surely that couldn't have actually done Suzaku to her! He was looking for Estelle today, so he didn't even know she'd been captured. Unless ... - she remembers the incident when Suzaku had a mental attack, during which he shot wildly with the Lancelot. After that he didn't remember anything that had happened. He was given a decent dose of sedative at the time. So it could very well be possible that he actually didn't know anything about it and Estelle was telling the truth. With Suzaku, every problem ran according to Schrödinger's principle - if he doesn't clarify it, it's not there either.

"Why ... why did he do this to you ..." puzzles Cécile desperately.

“He thought I was Zero. Apparently he had a personal connection with him and thought I was him because of my words. I tried to fight back ... to explain to him that I am not the one he wants to take revenge on so badly, but that only made it worse ... ", says Estelle shattered, as she forcibly thinks about it . Cécile begins to understand and nods lost in thought.

"I will arrange a psychological report for him and speak to his psychologist," she makes up her mind.

Meanwhile, Estelle's gaze is fixed on her. Both had now broken away from their desperate state.  
"Has ... something like this happened before? I mean something that triggers this mental state in him?” asks Estelle now.

"Something similar. However, he had completely lost control and could no longer distinguish between people, friend or foe. He just went nuts and couldn't remember anything afterwards,” she explains thoughtfully.

"Then ... there wasn't a specific trigger?" Estelle ponders.  
"Not that I know. However ... before it happened he met a green-haired woman," Cécile thinks.

She probably was the trigger. So CC wasn't just captured by Suzaku because she belonged to the Black Knights or because she was supposed to be used as bait for Zero. Estelle didn't know anymore what was still the truth, of what Suzaku was telling her. She really wanted to understand him. Now she wasn't sure if she was still interested in it. He hurt her mentally and physically in ways that Estelle could not forget. Even if Suzaku's mental state unexpectedly improved, she probably couldn't forgive him anymore.

"Cécile ... do you think ... when Suzaku has finally caught Zero ... that he can then get closure?" Estelle suddenly asks sadly.

"Do you mean ... closure with the hatred of Zero or ... with his mourning for Euphemia ...?" Cécile says with a sad smile.

Estelle is astonished when she interprets her words in conjunction with her expression. Until recently, she actually wished that this would also remove his grief for his great love and that he could let someone other into his heart again. And that someone she would have liked to be herself. She fell in love with him when they went to Ashford Academy.  
It wasn't love at first sight, but a gradual process. By the time she realized her feelings, however, he was already in love with Euphemia. It was a big blow to her heart. The next was when she realized what had become of him. That he was theoretically available again, but was no longer the Suzaku she was in love with.

"You love him ... or ... you loved him until recently ..." says Cécile sympathetically. Because of what Suzaku had done to her, she could hardly be in love with him anymore. Cécile noticed the fear that accompanied Estelle when she talked about Suzaku.

Estelle avoids her gaze in shame as she blushes. This reaction confirmed Cecile's suspicion. She loved Suzaku. And now ... she felt scared thinking about him. Cécile was probably the only person who knew about their secret affair at the time. Not because Suzaku had told her about it, but through an event that made it obvious to her.

_Suzaku was about to lock the hangar, change clothes and then make his way home, when Estelle appeared in front of the still open gate. She spotted Suzaku who was standing on the upper floor and gave him a grin, only to look astonished at the Knightmare Frames that were in the hangar in front of her. She was still wearing her school uniform while Suzaku was still wearing his pilot suit. He gave her a sign that he was coming down in no time, but Estelle had already managed to get herself upstairs._   
_When Suzaku locked the last office, he saw his school friend already leaning against the railing, waiting._

_"Estelle! Is there something important because you are picking me up from work?” He asked, puzzled._

_"Oh, I thought I'd stop by and have a look at your workplace when it's around the corner," she said casually. Then a smile graced Suzaku's face._

_"You're lucky! For once, Cécile and Lloyd left work before me today. I am the only one who is still there. Unauthorized persons usually have no access here,” he explained._

_"How nice! Then I'm here at exactly the right time. Will you show me your Knightmare Frame?” She asked curiously with a determined look._

_He then thought about it for a moment and came to the conclusion that nobody would notice anything about it anyway._   
_"I guess if you're here already, there's nothing wrong with it! Come with me!”_   
_He smiled and immediately gave her a short tour._

_“This is the research and development department in which, among other things, the evaluations for the improvements to the KMFs take place. Lloyd is my direct supervisor and legal guardian at the same time, as I am not yet of legal age. Cécile is also on the same team and also helpful, even if it is not about work,” he explained when he showed her the open segment in which they worked. While he was talking, Estelle took a closer look at his colleague's desk, as the last sentence occupied her._

_“How old is this Cécile?” She asked casually._

_"She ... is 24. Why ... do you care?" Suzaku said, confused._

_"Oh ... not that it's my business ... but ...", she opened the drawer from her desk and immediately made a suspicious find._   
_"I just wanted to be able to imagine what kind of helpfulness you meant," she completed her sentence as she held up a condom that she had taken from the drawer between her middle and index finger._

_Suzaku, who was thrown out of his concept, then blushed when he understood what Estelle was getting at._   
_"Cécile and I, we are only work colleagues!" He tried to deny ashamed._

_“A work colleague who seems to be well prepared for any case. Maybe I should take an example from her.” She grinned mischievously as she immediately put the condom in the pocket of her blouse._

_Inwardly, Suzaku was very relieved that Estelle didn't seem to have any serious suspicions about his relationship with Cécile. After all, he couldn't quite explain to himself what kind of relationship it was, whether Cécile was doing it for reasons of comfort or out of a sense of duty._   
_She was certainly not in love with him, otherwise she would have been able to tell him. Inwardly, he sometimes wished that he was important to someone, but he suppressed this desire, knowing that this idea would remain a wishful idea for him. Nobody loved him and he probably deserved it after what he'd done._

_"So, will you show me the inside of your Lancelot now?" Estelle asked._

_He was surprised by her apparent interest, but somehow couldn't refuse her wish. Whenever Estelle asked for something, he complied with her request. Probably because he was glad that she was interested in him, even if only amicably, and that he didn't want to lose or disappoint her. He wanted to be liked. Besides, since the murder of his father, he had vowed not to be such a selfish person anymore. He wanted to make others happy so that he could ultimately like himself more._

_"It's OK. But we won't do a lap with it, as much as I'd like to show you!", Suzaku finally said after thinking for a moment, while he set course for the Lancelot and opened the hatch to the cockpit._

_"This is how your robot looks from the inside," Estelle inspected the small control room from the upper compartment, which was on the same level as it._

_Suzaku smiled and immediately hopped onto his seat with an elegant leap. Then he gave her a sign that she could take a seat on his lap._   
_She was a little surprised, but then grinned as she got up on his legs._

_"The left and right are the main control elements," he explained to her and pointed to the sticks in front of them, which not only could be moved like a gearshift in any direction, you could also move the upper third to a horizontal position, for example to support yourself on it ._

_“Before you actually start the KMF training, a simulation is used. Do you want to try it out?” He asked enthusiastically._

_Estelle figured if she did this she would have to make an effort not to be distracted by the person below or behind her. When she nodded, he started the guide and put her hands on the control levers, his hands gently on top. When she felt his hands on hers, she could feel the spark sparkling inside their bodies. As he led her through the simulation and a little later removed his hands from hers, her enthusiasm for controlling a KMF increased and her ambition to achieve a high score in the evaluation was aroused. Suzaku was impressed with her talent and enthusiasm._

_"59 out of 100 points. Well, I guess I'm quite a failure, am I ?!” Estelle said, depressed during the evaluation._

_“You have talent, Estelle! The first attempt to land in the 50-point area is an excellent achievement!", She was encouraged by Suzaku, who seemed really fascinated by her result._

_"How much points did you achieve?" She asked curiously._

_"On ... my first attempt it was 61," he said a little awkwardly._

_She had to grin, so she was actually only two points behind the Lancelot driver. But then she was angry immediately, because damn it, couldn't she have tried a little more ?!_

_She was still sitting on his lap and he waited for her to get up. Instead, however, she grabbed his hands and placed them on her bare thighs._   
_His brief astonishment turned into a knowing grin of what she was up to now. She turned her head to him when she said with longing in her gaze,_   
_"Let's dedicate the Lancelot in a different way!" A playful smile graced her lips as he saw the condom she had put in her eyes led._

_Suzaku was not averse to this idea and already had an idea in which position he could best take her in this limited space._   
_The longing for her rose in him too, his uncomfortable piking in his crotch told him. The whole situation also made both want to try something crazy._

_He gave her the signal to get up briefly so that he could transform the cockpit into a cockpit similar to that of Guren. The back of the seat folded back and the, now straight, surface was halved in width, so that one could operate the foot pedals left and right, as if sitting on a horse._

_"So, take a seat by lying down here," Suzaku gave her the instruction._

_"Has a certain someone ever imagined laying someone down here?!" replied Estelle with a malicious grin._

_Then he blushed._   
_"I ... found the idea interesting and since I've known you ... I've wanted to try it out even more," he replied, embarrassed but honest._

_"Well then, show me what you are able to do!", She asked him as she lay down with her upper body._

_Her legs found space to the left and right of the narrow bench on which she was lying, Suzaku was sitting in front of her hip. He slid his hips as close to Estelle's as possible to bend over her a little. Then he unbuttoned her blouse as a shiver of excitement ran through him from the friction of their lower abdomens, which were still covered in fabric. She, too, could clearly feel his excitement through his skin-tight suit, which triggered even more desire in her. Finally he freed her pretty, well-formed breasts, which he would still get a good view of._

_Then he straightened up again to open the zipper of his suit, which he completely got rid of and thus finally freed his aroused member. He then took the condom from Estelle and put it on immediately._

_Suddenly Estelle felt his hands under her skirt, which immediately pulled her panties down and pushed her skirt up. After that, he took his imagined position. He leaned over her with both hands on the left and right, supporting the control levers, while he stepped on the foot pedals with his feet so that he was only supported on all fours. His hips were level with hers so she could wrap her legs around his._

_She liked the well-trained upper body she saw directly above her and found Suzaku's position, in which he had imagined fucking her, quite interesting. This required a lot of strength and stamina. Suzaku was the only one Estelle could imagine who was not only trained enough but also crazy and masochistic enough to try these out. She grinned with pleasure as she waited for him to start moving and penetrate her._

_Estelle groaned as he went deeper into her. For him it was exhausting and satisfying at the same time. In order to lower his hips and push them as deeply as possible, he had to turn his upper body down by bending his arms and then stretching them again. But not only were the arms fully strained, but also his legs, on which he supported his lower body._   
_Both were breathing hard as he moved at a faster pace._

_Meanwhile, Estelle was amazed that he could concentrate so well and still had the strength and stamina, although the pleasure had to drain a lot of energy from him. After several thrusts both came almost simultaneously. With the last of his strength, Suzaku was bent over her to get completely inside her. He then withdrew from her and, exhausted, took a sitting position._

_"Wow ... ahh ... I didn't think ... that you could really bear up ..." she gasped._

_Suzaku was still breathing heavily and only responded after a few breaths, "At this point ... ahh ... I was ... nhh ... not sure either"_   
_He had to smile in relief. He must have passed this sporting lesson._

_They started to dress again. Then both climbed out of the Lancelot and Suzaku threw the used condom in the trash._   
_Meanwhile, Cécile returned to her workplace, having forgotten something after she had left. Suddenly she heard voices coming from the upper level of the hangar. She wondered curiously if Suzaku was still there, and if so, who he was talking to._

_"You know, I found the sex position very relaxing, but there was one thing I was missing ..." Estelle criticized teasingly._

_"And, that would be ...?", Suzaku asked with a smile._

_She leaned her head close to his, "Your lips on mine"._   
_Finally she kissed him passionately. He had to smile into the kiss as he surrendered to her lips and they both kissed until they ran out of breath and had to part again._

_Cécile stood five meters further, watching them, surprised and rooted to the ground. Suddenly, when Estelle turned to say goodbye, she was spotted. A slight blush rose on both faces._   
_Their hair was disheveled and the rest of their physical condition spoke volumes. But Cécile had witnessed the kiss anyway, which seemed to tell her everything, so it was clear to her._

_"Sorry Suzaku ... and um ...", said Cécile, thoughtfully who this girl was._

_"Estelle. My name is Estelle Ashford. I ... actually just wanted to meet Suzaku ... I ... didn't know that he was still working ... ", Estelle tried to persuade herself out and said goodbye immediately to get away._

_When Cécile looked after her thoughtfully, Suzaku also wanted to disappear._   
_“Good night, Cécile! See you tomorrow!” He shouted as he left the hangar in his pilot suit with his everyday clothes thrown around his arm._

_Cécile stayed where she was while she shrugged and thought with a slight smile,_   
_"Oh, the youth ..."_

"What ... should I do now, Cécile ...?" She asks desperately. He had traumatized her too much last night to trust that his actions would not be repeated.

Cecile's smile then disappears while she ponders. She definitely wanted to help Estelle as best she could. That they were both in love with the Suzaku as he once was welded them together in a way.

“Keep your distance from him. Do not let him touch you for now until his mental state has improved again ... ”, Cécile finally gives her the advice.

Estelle nods lost in thought. Unfortunately it could be more difficult than Cécile imagined. Because she was in a sense under Suzaku's control, even if she didn't want to obey his orders, he could force her to do so with this curse. Cécile didn't know what power Suzaku actually had over her.

"Thank you, ... Cécile," Estelle forces herself to smile.

The next day, Suzaku enters the development segment in the hangar to visit Lloyd and Cécile.

"How does it look like?! Is the Lancelot ready for use again?“, Suzaku asks the question in the room when he spots the two of them.

"Oh, that depends on which Lancelot you mean ...!", Lloyd immediately grins. Cécile can only roll her eyes. Her boss didn't take anything seriously either.

"What does this mean?! Is it ready now or not? I need it as soon as possible, in case Zero shows up again!", Suzaku replies emphatically and with a serious expression. Cécile then hesitantly approaches him to give him papers.

"You have to fill this out first ...", says Cécile, slightly depressed and a little worried about his possible reaction.

He takes a closer look at the sheets.  
"What's the point of that?! A psychological report?! I don't need one! I'm in no bad mental condition and I really don't have time for something like that! After all, Zero doesn't sleep!“, He slams the papers on the desk angrily.  
She expected such a reaction. After all, Suzaku usually didn't realize his problems.

"If, according to the expert report, you can prove a passable result, you have nothing to lose," Cécile advises him discreetly.

“As your lord, I am in command here! I refuse the claim!” He says angrily.

Cécile sighs and looks depressed and communicating at Lloyd.  
“Congratulations, little Lancelot! You just proved your bad mental state. Your pilot's license will be revoked for the time being until your condition improves,” Lloyd says confidently as he gestures with his hands. "After all, it also has advantages for me ... otherwise the Lancelot is probably half a pile of junk again ...", he mumbles annoyed when he immediately changes the license key of the Lancelot.

"WHAT!? You want to suspend me?! I'm your lord!” Exclaims Suzaku, shocked.

Cécile takes a deep breath.  
“You still are. I talked to your psychologist yesterday; she said you had to part with your everyday work. You need distance from your work. This is the only way to prevent another mental attack from breaking out, ”explains Cécile.

"What mental attack?! What are you talking about, Cecile? Apparently I'm not the insane one here," replies Suzaku incredulously.

The elevator door opens and Estelle enters the room, who immediately asks what is going on, looks around and pauses. Suzaku's gaze turns thoughtfully to Estelle while there is silence. Then a grin crosses his face and he turns back to Lloyd and Cécile.

"Me and Estelle will be visiting the Ashford Academy again," he promptly resolves.

All three look at him in shock, especially Estelle. Attending Ashford Academy? Did Suzaku want to go to school with her again, like in the old days?

Cécile is surprised and thoughtful about what Suzaku's ulterior motive might be. Why did he suddenly take it so calmly to be taken on leave?  
“I think there is nothing wrong with that,” says Cécile. Lloyd can't find a problem in this either and answers with a shrug.

"Nice. Then we will move to the military base in Japan from tomorrow”, Suzaku decides with a smile.  
After all, Lelouch was at the school and why not pay Zero a visit straight away? So he could watch him and possibly find out if Lelouch was Zero again.

In the evening Estelle lies in bed with a melancholic smile on her face. So she would go back to Ashford Academy with Suzaku. That was finally good news again. Perhaps this enabled Suzaku to become his former selves again, which Estelle had missed so much. She wanted so much to relive the old times with him, even if they were technically only a year ago, they had been formative.

But the more she thought of Suzaku, the more she remembered what pain he was causing her. A part of her heart was still attached to him, while the other part felt fear and dislike for him.  
She squints at the thought as she buries her face in the pillow. At least she wasn't his knight anymore. She hoped that it would be easier to avoid him. Distance was what she wanted. Distance and to be safe from Suzaku, so that her soul could slowly heal again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter of the first part.  
> This will be made into a series, and now you know that the sequel will be centered around the Ashford Academy.  
> There will be a higher focus on suzalulu, and suzaeuphy will play a (side)role instead of suzacecile.
> 
> (Sorry for the longer uploading times, my motivation to write is lacking somehow )


End file.
